The Desert Mermaid

Well, it took 17 years,* but Molly finally has herself a tennis partner.


I did actually learn how to weave nets somewhere along the way, if I ever want to set them up properly.

Summer got herself a tennis outfit, too! Now it'll be a battle between old …


Yes, Molly is left-handed.

… and new!


How do I get them to hold these things? MAGIC! Also, invisible hair ties.

Yeah, yeah, you don't care, but I'm ridiculously pleased. And really, that's what counts, right?


*I've had Molly since '93, but her tennis set was a 1997 special edition. THANKS AMELIA BUT SERIOUSLY NOBODY CARES.

So! Chicago was pretty fun to visit, I must say. I only spent a couple of days there, but they were pretty enjoyable even if god DAMN my feet hurt.



What is it with skyscrapers? I mean, they look awfully pretty, yes. But to someone who is used to a large sprawling suburban valley surrounded by mountains, they also look like an attempt to give some kind of shape to a flat place. Plus, I'm not used to buildings that take up whole blocks (even small, non-Salt Lake City blocks). But maybe it was just my TOO MANY HUMANS reaction kicking in.

And so many of them are named after companies. Which is just ... telling, I guess.



I like this one just because it's some weird hybrid, and the older one on the left has the nickname of "The Gothic Rocket."

( More Chicago Photos )



The best part of the trip, though, was getting to meet childthursday and Jess! I have known childthursday for quite a while online, and have gotten to watch her meet and form a relationship with Jess through her writing. It was wonderful to finally see her face-to-face, and to be able to celebrate their marriage with them!

(Whenever partygoers asked where I was from, I answered "The Internet!")

( More Photos, Including The Most Magnificent Cake Ever )

Anyway! That's all for this time! Mini Addy's adventures turned out to be pretty photogenic, too, so they'll be up next! Stay tuned!

So about five years ago I got this quilt kit for Xmas. I've been poking at it off and on ever since, and a few weeks ago I finally poked at enough that it turned into an actual quilt!

BEHOLD


This is not my bed; I sleep on a hobbity little twin bed. But the lighting on this one is much better.

That right there is an awesome space-themed quilt. It was billed as a wall hanging, but I added enough exra fabric to it to make it into an actual people-sized (well, hobbit-sized) blanket. It's got a blue flannel back to it and is wonderfully comfortable.


What the hell happened to the lighting in this photo? I don't know how to camera.

Plus, it's got rocketships all up on it.



The center panel is a rather haphazardly-arranged collection of constellations whose placement would probably appall Neil DeGrasse Tyson. But hey, at least the constellations themselves look right. And it's got both Northern- and Southern-hemisphere patterns, so I can learn some unusual ones, like "The Toucan," "The Telescope," and "The Poop."*

To quilt it, among other things I traced the constellations. I have no idea if I managed to learn them better, but it was kind of fun tracing them.

But of course, you're all just dying to know the big question, the most important thing about this quilt. You will not be satisfied until I answer the burning demand: Does it glow in the dark? And I am here to tell you that yes. Yes, it does.

The stars and the planet outlines do. I have yet to get a good photo of it because, again, I am bad at camera, but it's a lot of fun. I'e taken to turning on my big overhead fluorescent lights before going to sleep, just so I'll have the constellations glowing happily at me when I do. It's glorious.

I should really make quilts more often than every seven or eight years, But at least I feel super special when I do get them made.


*Yes, really. A lot of the Southern constellations were officially named during the Age of Exploration, and so explorers gave them more modern names, defined as "whatever junk was lying around in their immediate view at the time." So you have a lot of constellations named after navigation instruments. There were also a lot of ship parts--including the "poop deck." Which leads me to a follow-up. Dear Astronomers: please quit coming up with names that make it incredibly difficult to have conversations about astronomy without having to at least acknowledge awkward double-meanings. It's just getting ridiculous now.

I actually hate the term "selfie," purely for aesthetic reasons. It just sounds dumb, y'know? But as far as being put into the OED, I really don't see any reason to object.

The only possible reason I can think of for objecting, actually, is the idea that since it's a newly-added word, the selfie must be a new concept. You get all sorts of people hollering about how this just goes to show how narcissistic we all are nowadays, or that it's a sign of tragic insecurity. (Or, somehow, both at the same time, which is impressive.)

I hereby want to point out that this is total bullshit.

The strange thing is, the Narcissism and the Attention Whore arguments seem to be exclusively used as arguments against social media. "Nobody wants to hear about what you had for lunch!" I hear. "Nobody cares what you're doing right now!" Which, aside from being totally untrue--I, for one, love hearing/reading the everyday thoughts that wander through people's brains--is exactly the opposite of what a whole lot of frustrated grownups kept trying to grind into my asocial possibly-spectrumy little head when I was an uncommunicative kid who had no idea why I was supposed to listen to other kids talking about whatever stupid shit they were interested in. Why am I supposed to show interest in conversation about What I Did This Morning in person, but when I'm online I'm supposed to just scoff at the same thing?

Social media is just conversation, chatting, socializing, and small talk in a different medium.

Same goes for selfies--it seems to be their existence on the internet that infuriates people.* It's on the internet! Therefore this interest in looking at oneself must be NEW!

To which I say, check this out.

That right there is a link to an interesting study done on those weirdly disproportionate, bizarrely lumpy Upper-Paleolithic Venus figurines. The theory the author, LeRoy McDermott, is putting forward is that their strange proportions make total sense when you assume that they are self-portraits, done by women who don't have access to mirrors--when viewed at the same angles as you might use to look down at yourself, they do fit the proportions.

So according to that theory, some of the oldest art in the world is SELFIES.

It makes me regard the argument that selfies are a product of this latest generation of degenerate self-obsessed narcissists with a little bit of skepticism.

Honestly, I just think that selfies are the latest expression of a very old human fascination with themselves. It's not necessarily narcissism. It's just that, dang, y'all, here we are, we are humans, we're on this Earth, and look at us! We're doing things! And we can watch ourselves doing things, and remember those things we did, and analyze them, and philosophize about them! It's INTERESTING, dangit! It is one of the things that humans just do, because dude, we're humans!

Of course, another thing that humans seem to do with a lot of enthusiasm is bitch about how language is changing, so I suppose I can't be too hard on the people lamenting the new words. After all, the author of one of those articles I linked to above sarcastically pointed out that the OED is "the publisher of the venerable record of the language of Shakespeare and George Orwell," and yet seemed completely unaware of the irony of citing two authors separated by radically different eras of English as an example of why changes to the language now are to be lamented. Consistency has never been our strong suit, anyway.

And speaking of which, I'd better end this article. I've defended the selfie as best I can, but dammit I still hate that word. I hereby am done using it.


That's right, y'all! Mirror Amelia and her Buford T-shirt endorse the selfie! OKAY NOW I AM DONE USING IT.


*And that they are often done by GIRLS, who have all sorts of standards to live up to, set both by The Patriarchy and, dare I say it, from the asshole breed of feminists who have very set ideas about what Girl Power has to be.

So a couple weeks ago, my family and I went to Grand Teton National Park. And, this being Modern Times, we all brought cameras. So now, you lucky dogs you, you get to see my vacation slides!



Coming at you, Jackson--and I am all ready for Nature Science. In the back pocket of that vest (damn I love that vest*) are about eight more little pamphlets on identifying plants, animals, rocks, etc..

That hat, by the way, is one I bought earlier this summer. It came with a veritable NOVEL of helpful instructions and other ephemera. Thing deserves its own entry, frankly.

Hey, who's that down in my pocket? Is that Mini Addy? Do you suppose she had adventures of her own in the Tetons? FORESHADOWING!)



Wilderness disco party! WOO!

( More under here! WOO! )

While my family was having adventures, Mini Addy had a few of her own. I'll put those together in the next few days!


*Dad was not sure about it because of the size issue: I was getting it from the men's section, which did not take into account some aspects of my topography. It's tough to find a women's vest with even five thousand pockets, though. For all that, I am really pleased with how it fits!

Apparently around here it's mug-smashing season. Over the past month we've managed to smash a whole bunch of mugs around here, including, tragically, my two favorite mugs. Dangit, I really liked that grey stoneware mug.

So as a consolation prize, and also showing my foolhardy optimism when it is uncertain whether mug-smashing season is over, I've ordered a couple new things to drink out of.

Like this:



BUT HEY WHAT IS THAT? It's not a mug, and also it has holes in it. What gives?

Dudes, you are looking at my very own musical teacup, a Teacarina.

Yes, the thing is totally musical, and a mouthpiece is set in the rim. It's a four-hole ocarina that plays one octave in the key of C.



Also, you can put tea in it.



A shot of the interior, because it is pretty.

It's not as big as my late lamented Favorite Mug, but by god it makes music, and it's kind of fun to see how the music changes when you actually have tea in it and the temperature does things to the resonating chamber. Though I wouldn't recommend playing too vigorously that way. Seems like a good way to get tea up your nose.

Let's hope teacups are exempt from mug-smashing season, because this thing's going to provide me hours of entertainment.

American Girl might have dropped the ball once again with another white Girl of the Year, but I will admit that lately they've made a few other rather impressive attempts to be inclusive. Along with the orthodontia set that I still find to be utterly hilarious, and their longstanding wheelchair option (I think I even have one of the early models around here somewhere), this year they've added options like a doll-sized epi-pen, dolls without hair, and--most relevant to my interests--a behind-the-ear hearing aid.

I considered getting one of these official hearing aids for Summer, since the ones I made for her got lost a while back. But that would require sending her in to the Doll Hospital, and I am far too lazy. That's why God gave us Sculpey and product packages that include 30 million twist ties apiece.



So I made her a new set of hearing aids. The earmold is straight purple Sculpey; the case is white Sculpey with green nail polish. The connector is a twist tie.



Hair out of the way.



I did take an idea from the AG aid, though. I've been trying to find a good way to keep the aids in her ears, and the piercing they do seemed like a good idea. So both the earmold and the bottom of the case are attached with headpins.

I'm also glad I got to pick my own colors for these. Pink is nice, but Summer just doesn't seem like the type who would pick pink for her hearing aids. Fortunately, do-it-yerself gives me far more options. Thank goodness for Sculpey.

Neighbor Cat. Yes, I’m still taking care of her—Neighbor Lady has had some complications arise with recovery. And now the cat herself has been having trouble—she’s keeping one eye closed and it’s goopy. Fortunately, Neighbor Lady’s Son is in charge of taking the cat to the vet, so I don’t have to worry about that—although I have the sneaking suspicion I will get to do the medication.

I’ve considered just taking her home to live with us till Neighbor Lady comes home, but for two things. First, I don’t want Neighbor Lady to worry that I’m stealing her cat. Second, Neighbor Cat is declawed—and we have a most emphatically clawed cat at home. That would not be a fair match. So she gets to stay down the street.



Neighbor Cat is also impossible to photograph. She closes her eyes whenever the flash goes off, and even without flash she rarely looks at the camera for more than a second. This was the best shot I could get of her while we were hanging out reading together one day. But she’s still a pretty little cat, isn’t she?

Not all my birthday gifts were pants and underwear, though! I got pajamas, too My brother flew in to bestow this upon me:



That right there is a freaking map of the Mushroom Kingdom, my friends. A "Super Mario World," if you will. And it's done in loving detail:



The frame is surrounded by artistic renditions of sprites from various games. I always liked Dino Torch.

How awesome is that? (Answer: So awesome it's getting framed and going on my wall, right across from a breathtakingly painted pair of jeans my friend gave me in high school about six pant sizes ago.)



My sister got the map of Hyrule for her birthday. And let me just say, I think it's pretty cool that Nintendo Power has a section for fanmade works of art now.*



This would make a hell of a tattoo.

So yeah, it wasn't all Boring Useful Things for the birthday. Even the pajamas from my sister had Buford Van Stomm's shirt design! Not totally grown up yet.

Seriously, though, this new underwear is GREAT. What a terrific thing to get.


*Also, rather hilarious how many crafting nerds realized that pixellation lends itself well to things like beading and cross-stitch.

Aw, yeah, I know how to make a damn fine pizza.



I am finding that good pizza takes a lot of practice. I keep trying different recipes--but the most successful one I've found for thin crust, like the one up there, is snagged from the back of one of those bullshit cozy mystery books I periodically shelve.* I did hit a bit of a snag when the recipe suggested that I use my portable brick pizza oven for best results. Uh, yeah. Look, I'm surprised I have a pizza stone.** But even with the recipes, it takes a lot of work.***

On the plus side, if my appetite for pizza continues, all this kneading is going to give me some serious Popeye forearms. Who'd have thought pizza could make you a badass? The Ninja Turtles were right all along.


*But didn't actually read, because cozy mysteries are Not My Thing.

**Also I have this, thanks to my brother. That's all I really need.

***Getting the darn thing from the paddle onto the stone, for example. Which is why I had the fight with the oven.