The Desert Mermaid

I kind of have this suspicion that all old-timey cartoons were written by frustrated Nice Guys.

Think about it. You have our cute little hero and his girl, and then along comes the Big Bad Jerk to be his romantic rival. Sure, some of the cartoons have the Big Bad Jerk grabbing the lady outright, but a lot of the time she turns her nose up at our hero, for NO GOOD REASON, and goes with the Big Bad Jerk. Then it's up to the hero to kick the Big Bad Jerk's ass with the cunning use of slapstick, and only after that does the girl come back to him because he's Demonstrated Higher Value or whatever the pickup artists say.

So yeah, it's pretty the world according to the Nice Guy's lament that "Girls always go for the brawny jerk and never recognize what a great thing they've got with nice guys like me!" And even though they get their wish-fulfillment at the end, it's never implied that their insulting view of women--that they automatically go for the big dumb ass-kicker--may be incorrect: the girl still only goes back to the Nice Guy when he literally decides "No more Mr. Nice Guy."

Plus, like I said, she leaves Our Hero for NO GOOD REASON--like maybe he spilled something on her or laughed at a completely harmless thing. It's almost like the writers themselves kept getting spurned and COULDN'T IMAGINE what they were doing, and so just assumed that women were all fickle and shallow.

Somehow that particular gender dynamic in the old cartoons weirds me out more than the straight-up molesty ones.

All that said, however, I still love them old cartoons. Gotta go watch more of 'em.

gwalla linked to a great article by Dr. Nerdlove about this whole Gamergate idiocy. For a long time I've been unable to say much coherent about it, because I get paralyzed by bafflement. Like, "Is this really a productive way you want to spend your time? Is harassing random women so important?" and then I get all slack-jawed and just stare in incomprehension.

But that article helped clarify something for me--and I have to say, I can sort of understand some of it, in the context of the rise of Geek Chic.

I grew up in the last decade when geeking was still marginal. I had all sorts of interests that got ridiculed by classmates--sci-fi, fantasy, Star Wars, wizards, pirates, aliens, conlangs--hell, books in general. I didn't get bullied for it,* but I did get bothered for it. And--just as important--there was no Official Geek STUFF. If I wanted cool wizard or sprite costumes and props for my dolls, or Super Mario earrings, or the One Ruling Ring, I had to make them myself.**

And suddenly I hit college and started hearing people self-identifying as geeks and nerds. Geekery started to become cool. And it was, honestly, KIND OF WEIRD. Those people who had pointed and laughed at me for writing fantasy before now suddenly declared that they were ALWAYS fans of the Lord of the Rings, just as much as I had been. Naturally, I viewed that claim with some suspicion. And what made it more confusing was that suddenly I was being marketed to, with geek products and replicas of cool stuff I liked, which is sort of surreal if you're used to being ignored by marketing. You assume that the marketers are disingenuously catering to your interests without actually caring, which is often true, but that's often true of all marketing. But the disingenuousness in marketing means you find yourself cynically assuming that NONE of these "new geeks" REALLY shares your interests--that they, like marketers, are just full of shit--because a lot of them spent years either ignoring them or outright telling you they didn't.

And then it gets tangled. Being excluded became part of geek identity, because it's a good way to cope when you are being excluded. But at the same time we want to tell ourselves we are better than our excluders. So now, when "they" are all starting to realize that the stuff we're interested in IS PRETTY DAMN AWESOME and want to join in, we have a choice. We can let go of the part of geek identity that treasures our own marginalization, accept people who refused to accept us, and share our cool stuff--or we can laugh maniacally, yell something about how the tables have turned and now WE are the excluders, and turn into the same jerks that we were trying to get away from.

Okay, yeah, it's tempting to dole out some poetic justice. But I want to actually be better than that, like I tell myself I am. Especially since the only thing I have to give up is my outcast status. In the end, it doesn't even matter that people who laughed at the things I liked in the past are now saying they always were fans of those same things.*** It's not like it's a zero-sum--I am still allowed to enjoy Star Wars even if they also enjoy Star Wars. Even if they like all the WRONG Star Wars things, well, that's their problem.

So what I'm saying here is, I can understand that knee-jerk reaction. But I also know that we can override it. And if we do, we'll prove that geekiness not only has the coolest toys, but we also are cool people.

Who would ever have thought that geeks would be cool?


*As far as I know. I was a bit oblivious to things that, in retrospect, were attempted bullying. Obviously not bad, but still.

**Possibly this is why so many geeks are also pretty good at crafting.

***If they were, then I'm unimpressed at how they failed to admit it and made fun of me, but then I realized that if they were then they were too scared to admit it and I feel kind of sorry for them. And if they weren't always into it, then they've just figured out that my toys really ARE cool, which is a positive step. And if they're cynically bandwagoning, well, whatever.

I was sitting with my fellow Space Place Educators today, waiting for the next presentation and discussing things like the merits of Dragonlance* and the questions Darmok raises about the Universal Translator and how Cracked is more journalistic than actual journalism (I have found my people), and suddenly another Space Placer dashes over.

"You've got to come outside!" she yelled. "There's some kind of rainbow thing you've got to see!"

So we all followed her outside, and sure enough there was a goddamn fire rainbow** hanging in the east, over my mountain.

Once again, living in a panorama has its advantages. I think I've seen circumhorizon arcs before, but it was never quite as dramatic as the one in the link. This one showed you why the term FIRE RAINBOW was used. Because dang, that thing may not be fire OR a rainbow, but by god it's majestic enough that it needs a majestic name.


*Raistlin, pretty much. And maybe Caramon, but only in the context of Raistlin.

**Okay, yeah, officially they're called circumhorizon arcs, but screw you, FIRE RAINBOW is way cooler. As a coworker put it, "Well, now that I know it's called a FIRE RAINBOW I have to go look at it again!"

I've already got a reputation here at the Space Place. Every time I'm introduced to someone, they say, "Are you Jordan's Friend?"* Perhaps this means he's been talking about me. I think that's good news.

Anyway, just to add a thin layer of anonymity to this, I'm not gonna name the actual facility. Let's just say it will be the Space Place That Will Remain Super Secretly Nameless, But Totally Has:

• Exhibits like Guess Your Weight On Other Planets, moon rocks, interactive simulations of planetary orbits, planet surfaces, and some kind of Rube Goldbergy exhibit with springs and levers and balls and dinging bells that you can interact with,


• A giant spherical screen in the lobby that can project rotating simulations of each solar system planet and climates and tectonics and so forth (and also, because it is programmed by supernerds, has a Death Star mode and an OMG WTF GIANT EYEBALL MODE like you've just run into the second scariest thing in Super Mario 64.**),


• A dome theater,


• Crazy science demonstrations, and


• The most unbelievably awesome gift shop ever. No, seriously, you guys. I am buying all my presents from this place from now on. Have a wedding? Birthday? Housewarming? Xmas? YOU ALL GET MYTHBUSTERS SCIENCE KITS, DAMMIT.

So yeah, this totally secret Space Place is GREAT.

Anyway, my job is in education presentations to K-12 school groups, so I get to work with the sphere, dome, and the secret bonus third option for schools to far away to drive all the way to Space Place, Skype + Magic Educational Remote View. All of these use simulation programs to check out stuff like What's In The Sky and The Sun Is A Mass Of Incandescent Gas and Plate Tectonics and so forth. I've spent the last few days watching presentations in each of these media. It looks like a goddamn ton of fun, though I suspect the first time I try each one myself will be TERRIFYING.*** But first I've got to learn all the equipment, so next week I get to futz with the software and maybe make the eyeball follow patrons and see if any of them know that the secret is to run around it until it explodes into coins. It should get easier when the school year ends in a few weeks and I'll have time to do that. Later on, probably starting next school year, I get to travel to schools and demonstrate Cool Science to them.

I'm gonna have FUN here.

By the way, as you may expect, this place is full of nerds. Silly mustaches abound, one guy was telling me about the comic he's working on, I'm not gonna say who but ONE of us is trying to sell a YA fantasy novel and is (re)writing one about Doctors! In! SPACE!!, and I am pretty sure D&D groups figure into the weekly event schedule. There's even one guy who has been to Kenya, so even if we aren't talking strictly about NERD stuff, we still have things to connect on. I think I will do well here.

Plus, seriously, y'all, this gift shop. I am going to own more science bullshit than will fit in my house. I am okay with this.


*Except for the guy there who used to be my acting teacher back when I was, like, twelve. He knows me as "Mia." I know no one cares, but this guy was great back then, and it's a huge kick to talk to him again.

**Yes, second. Seriously, fuck that piano.

***The other "new" guy, who's been working in Concessions for years but is now graduating to an Edumacator, got to do his first ever presentation yesterday. Poor dope did well but was clearly flying on an adrenalin high.

HAHAHAHAHA I KNEW IT

*checks off "Quenya" box*

*hopes someone will actually sing it this way*

*has absolutely no shame*

What I Learned Since The Winter Solstice

• The Cooking Hypothesis suggests that the invention of cooking precipitated a rapid evolutionary change in humans, allowing them to more efficiently process nutrients and, of course, growing bigger brains. I always said cooking was an important part of humanity, dangit!


• Nancy Kerrigan was filmed right after being attacked sobbing and asking "Why? Why?"--and a lot of people thought she was being a wimp or a drama queen because she was only bruised. Dude, it still hurts, but quite apart from that, when you get attacked, it's probably TERRIFYING and it HURTS YOUR FEELINGS.


• The difference between triple axels, triple spins, triple lutzes, etc., has to do with where you push off from and what direction you're facing and okay fine I've already forgotten.


• Flavoring sodas is a lot like brewing tea. Really sugary tea.


• But brown sugar makes them taste rather bitter.


• Also, soda-brewing is similar to making beer, except you don't let the yeast go far enough to make alcohol.


• Furthermore, there is a lot of argument over just what the "cream" in "cream soda" refers to. Vanilla? Adding cream to the soda? Or cream of tartar? It's a HISTORY MYSTERY.


• In tangentially-related soda discoveries, SodaStream is a company fraught with political tensions and controversy.


• Cloth pads and panty liners are surprisingly expensive, but also surprisingly worth it.


• There is a constellation in the Southern Hemisphere called "The Poop." Yes, it refers to a ship's stern (poop deck), BUT STILL. HURRRR.


• There are, naturally, all sorts of recipes for Ent-Draught on the internet.


• Mainlining Atop The Fourth Wall has taught me something I always rather thought: I have terrible comic-reading comprehension. I do okay with some, mostly in comic strip form, but it takes me a long time to parse each page, way longer than it takes to read straight prose, so if I'm going to read a comic, I have to be committed. And even then I have trouble regarding them critically.*


• I did learn, however, that lots of people find it extremely difficult to keep comic continuity straight. Comic writers, for instance. Case in point: Donna Troy.


• The director of Tremors is Ron Underwood, who got his start in the film industry making educational shorts for Barr Films--such as one of my favorite Rifftrax-featured shorts, Library World.


• My mom, who watched very little TV as a kid, nevertheless has strong opinions about what Mr. Peabody's voice sounds like.


• Mork & Mindy was a spinoff of Happy Days.  Clearly, I never watched either of them.


• Getting feedback on your novel can be a mixed bag. You get excited that you can make it better, but frustrated when you can't tell if the feedback makes sense.


• Publishing a serial story online gets more difficult with each installment because there's a lot to keep track of. BUT DAMMIT IT'S STILL POSSIBLE.


• You can unclog standard drain clogs with the use of science fair volcano technology.


• After you turn into the left-turn-lane, it's legal to drive 500 freaking feet in that lane. Which is almost a whole block even here in Salt Lake City.


• The Beautiful Creatures movie might be adapted from a novel of the same name, but don't let that fool you. It is clearly a remake of The Touch of Satan.


• The first female-directed movie ever to gross more than $1 billion is Frozen. Which is awesome, but dang, it took a while to get there. Let's hope this is a good precedent!

*Interestingly, though, I read a lot of Archie comics as a kid. It fascinated me the same way 1950s Educational Shorts fascinate me--it shows some weird whitebread cultural ideal that somehow I can't look away from.

Trying to do a real honest-to-god diachronic language and getting TOTALLY ENTHRALLED by the etymology of every single word I come across. Complete fascination with the way rooms and their defining features ("stove" refers to both the room and the object! And don't get me started on the shifting semantic categories of bathroom words!) probably makes me a colossal nerd. But hey, who says that's a bad thing?

Tried to make some of Grandma's Fairy Soup* tonight. Not bad stuff, but I have got to learn how to cook squash longer. (It didn't help that Mom was hungry and kept demanding to know if it was soup yet every few minutes.) It always comes out a little too crunchy, which isn't how you want your squash.

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Also, it occurs to me that now that Mom's got a soda charger, I can try to bust out some pretty excellent Chateau Romani. I still think that fermentation is more fun than using the soda charger, but fermenting is a bad idea whe milk is involved, so in this case we'll just roll with it.

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Speaking of geeky chefs, acrossthelake came by tonight to politely try some of my soup, and then we traded TV shows! I'm evangelizing Fringe to her--aw, man, watching the first season is a lot like hanging out with my old buddies--and she showed me the pilot of American Horror Story, which appears to be a show rooted firmly in the Unlikable People Making Bad Decisions genre.** I may have to keep going on it just to see what the hell kind of genre it's actually going for. But hey, no matter what it's good to be watching Fringe again. And even better to be hanging out with my friend again!


*So-called by myself and my siblings because in the Wind Waker game your Grandma makes the soup for you after you give her a fairy. I'm sure they didn't mean that she made the soup out of the fairy, but well ...

**Also it seems that its opening title music is played largely by those springy things on the bottom corners of doors that are supposed to keep the door from banging into the wall. An interesting choice.

So you might remember, a few weeks ago I took a trip to see some California family!

I figured I'd try trains because I hate plane travel, so if nothing else this would at least open up a different set of inconveniences and annoyances for me. But it was actually fun!

Preparing

MOM: ... and don't forget to pack underwear and say thank you and don't follow strangers into windowless vans and ...
AUNT: I brought you a travel kit of trail mix and handiwipes!
DAD: If any outlying family members offer you drugs, don't take them!
ME: Why is everyone so dang nervous about this?
MOM: What are you talking about? You're a ball of anxiety, yourself.
ME: Well, yes, but I get this way when I'm going to the grocery store. It's pretty much my default state. It's new with you guys.

So I hopped on the sleeper train, trailing a few more Momisms in my wake, and enjoyed a nice nighttime ride in my own little roomette, which was only occasionally interrupted by the car's tendency to lurch just enough to send me rolling into the wall. But this was still more tolerable when lying in the little bunk than when, say, trying to use the bathroom. But I could live with that sort of thing, because at least I didn't have PLANE NOISE crushing my skull. Did I mention I hate planes?

( Experience the EXPERIENCE! )

Today's horrifying realization: If you swap out the accessories, Gimli son of Glóin and Yosemite Sam are, in fact, the exact same character.

Yeah, still hammering out Scatterstone's next installment. I SWEAR IT IS ALMOST FIGURED OUT, GOD DAMMIT.