bloodyrosemccoy | Entries tagged with heroes who aren't batman

"Howard the Duck is Hollywood's most important achievement to date," the Martian Manhunter said. "'The Duck' is one of our top interdimensional agents. When his cover was almost blown, the movie was made in order to make the public think it was all a publicity stunt for the movie."

"They deliberately made it bad so that people wouldn't even question the plausibility of a sentient alien duck," the Flash added.

"But he was obviously some kind of puppet costume," I protested.

"He's a very good actor," The Flash said.

"And you guys aren't even from the same comic label!" I went on.

"That's the beauty of it," said the Martian Manhunter.

And then brainsucking space aliens attacked us.

"I've got to sacrifice myself now for no reason," said the Martian Manhunter. "But first, I should warn you that you didn't properly finish college. You have to go back and live in the dorms again."

"Well, shit," I said.

The End

Current Mood: Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

For the record, I would totally dress like this version of Supergirl if I were a superhero.

Well, actually I'd probably stick with T-shirt and jeans. But for formal occasions ...

Current Mood: Lucky Irish Breakfast
Current Music: Talking Heads ~ Take Me To The River

Sometimes, Marvel can be pretty awesome.

Like when it creates a deaf superhero because a small boy is troubled that no superheroes wear hearing aids.

Also note, this is their second hearing aid-wearing superhero--they also sent him images of Hawkeye, who lost 80% of his hearing. I don't know anything about either of these heroes, but I am really hoping at least one also uses sign language and is capital-D Deaf, because that would be awesome.

Thanks to

dandelion_diva for the link!

Current Mood: Cranberry Blood Orange

Okay, everyone! Meme time wrapup. Y’all asked me questions, and now I provide the answers in the Mystery Characters Doing Stuff Meme! The players were:

1. Bilbo Baggins
2. Toph Bei Fong
3. Pilot
4.Pyanfar Chanur
5. Hank McCoy/Beast
6. Granny Weatherwax
7. Donald Duck
8. Digger-Of-Unnecessarily-Convoluted-Tunnels
9. Data
10. Old Spice Guy
11. Daja Kisubo
12. Keladry of Mindelan
13. Lando Calrissian
14. Uncle General Iroh
15. The Joker

Put them all together, and ( hijinks ensue! )

Current Mood: Lady Grey
Current Music: James Taylor ~ You Are My Only One

Got another hit on my fandom meme. In case you forgot, here’s the meme itself:

1. The character I first fell in love with
2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now
3. The character everyone else loves that I don't
4. The character I love that everyone else hates
5. The character I used to love but don't any longer
6. The character I would shag anytime
7. The character I'd want to be like
8. The character I'd slap
9. A pairing that I love
10. A pairing that I despise
11. Favorite character
12. My five favorite characters
13. My five least favorite characters
14. Which character I am most like
15. My deep, dark fandom secret

The new one is X-Men. Okay, lessee.

1. To be honest? Professor X. I always take to the avuncular oyaji types. I want to be them. (See also: Uncle General Iroh.) Beast was only the second one I fell in love with.
2. I have a sort of bassackwards amazement at Scott Summers. Because he’s such a weenie, nobody seems to notice that Scott’s a god damn kickass action hero. He’s like twice as big as Wolverine and can blow shit up with his FACE. For some reason the combination of that and his angsty emokid attitude crack me up.
3. Do we all love or hate Gambit at this point? Anyway, I’d stick with Jean Grey no matter what.
4. Movie Rogue. I just pretend she’s, like, actual Rogue’s little sister, and it’s all good.
5. Gambit. The novelty wore off. But his power is awesome.
6. You really have to ask me this. You can’t possibly think of one fluffy blue intellectual I’ve been obsessed with for years?
7. Hank. Or Mr. Sinister, because that man is FABULOUS.
8. Jeeeeeeeean! Or Scott.
9. Beast/Me; Wolverine/Storm
10. Wolverine/Jeeeean. It never made sense.
11. Beast
12. Beast, Rogue, Wolverine, Professor X, and Nightcrawler
13. Jeeeeean, uh, Apocalypse, Dazzler, Bobby, Mystique
14. Probably one of the random redshirt bystanders who gets killed when giant mutant squids attack or something. I never really identifed with any of the X-Men, for all I love them.
15. I am really only in the fandom for Beast.

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Tom Petty ~ Change the Locks

And now, just to swing the pendulum the other way from Grimdark Brawl, enjoy some G-Rated Watchmen—the version well-meaning clueless parents thought they were taking their four-year-olds to when they didn’t notice the R rating. Rorschach will take your ice cream AND your candy if you don’t tell him who put the Comedian in time-out!

DA is being ~~a poopface~~ contrary, so I am not sure if this link to the gallery page where it starts will work, but I trust you net-savvy nerds to figure it out.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Annie Lennox ~ Coloured Bedspread

Ah, bugger. It seems my recurring case of Turning Into A Pangolin is … well … recurring. Patches of dry skin sprouting up all over my legs.

I used to think this was a drawback of the dry air I love so much, until I went to Kenya and came down with a case of what my sister called African Spots.* I’ll take scales any day.

Plus, now I have an excuse to hang out on the deck in the sun.

*There is nothing more reassuring than having your doctor look at your back and say, “WHOA! I’ve never seen anything like that before!” Followed by “Here, just smear this stuff on it. The beauty of this is that I don’t even have to diagnose the problem because this stuff clears up ANYTHING.”

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I idly let my mind drift to geekery. “Where do superheroes get their names?” I asked myself. “I always hear about those ‘what’s your superhero name’ memes, but do you really get to pick your own? Of the few canonical superhero name origins I know, most were invented by their world's media. Is that typical?”

Then from another part of my mind floated the obvious answer to my question: “No, it is not, because if it were somebody would have been named ‘The Masked Fruitcake’ by now.”*

… Which just goes to show that you already know the answers to most questions, if you only ask the part of you with the logic.

*I vote The Question. Dude doesn’t even have the decency to have question marks on his outfit. Curse you, Riddler, and your stealing them all!

Current Mood: silly

Hey, dudes!

Ursula Vernon’s smashing webcomic, Digger has its own website! No more subscriptions necessary! No more ~~borrowing my password to read the~~ hidden archives! You can read the whole thing!

I hate it when people say, “If you’re not reading this comic already, then what’s wrong with you?”,* so instead I’ll just note that this is one of the best comics I’ve ever read for one very specific reason: the main character is logical. You rarely find protagonists, much less heroes, whose actions are considered and reasonable, who go on quests not because of some high-minded ideal but because dammit that’s the best choice, and who plan out their next moves carefully. You also rarely find a comic that tosses in stuff you learned as an anthropology major.

Also, the Shadowchild is adorable.

What I’m saying here is: if you’ve got a day for an archive binge, my friends, have I got a website for you.

*I do it, too, but I hate it when other people do it.

Current Mood: yay!

My brother is home for spring break!

I’m not sure what you chumps do for spring break, but around here the schedule’s generally preceded by shoveling the snow out of the driveway. Today I also got to engage in the spring break activity known as Arguing With The Teachers At The Preschool That 24˚ F Is Too Damn Cold To Have Outside Time. My argument was overruled, leading to the next fun spring break activity ten minutes later of Thawing Out A Whole Lot Of Whining Children Before Their Fingers Fall Off.

That’s right, bitches! WOO SPRING BREAK.

My brother has brought along his ~~huge terrifying~~ nerd of a roommate, as well, and Mom is worried that our family may bore him. In all fairness, this is possible. I could say that Defaulting Every Single Conversation To The Subject Of Batman is also a spring break activity, but in fact that is just a normal activity for my brother and me.

But! Her wish to entertain The Guest, who for the record is the sort of person who has in the past spent upwards of twelve hours at a time writing card game computer programs, coincides with my desire to do more interesting things. So I’m on the internets now researching Interesting Things To Do.* I’m a nerd, so my first great idea is to check out the planetarium. I will have to see if my brother and his buddy are up for it. Perhaps the other two people I know will be, too.

And, if they’re not, he can always drag me off to see Watchmen. I warned him that I may not appreciate it, since I haven’t read the book and actually this was my first introduction to Rorschach,** but it is in keeping with my status as a peripheral comic nerd.

Plus, it will give us plenty of opportunity to compare superheroes. Click the stopwatch. See how long it takes before one of us says “Batman.” I guarantee it’ll be before we get back to the car.

*It turns out Googling this phrase does not yield a particularly wide variety of interesting things to do. It does, however, result in a link to a handy article on Things You Can Do With The Internet For People Who, If They Are Clueless Enough To Need This Article, Would Never In A Thousand Years Be Able To Actually Find It In The First Place. The first entry in the list is “surf the web.”

**In all fairness, yes, I did realize that it was meant to be funny and thus inferred what he was actually like, but I will not be able to get the “HOORAY!” out of my head.

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Elton John ~ 16th Century Man (from The Road To El Dorado soundtrack)

Every time this ridiculously orchestrated version of the X-Men Animated theme song comes on my iPod, my mood shoots up.

It’s the simple things in life you treasure.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: X-Men Animated Main Theme

12. Favourite Christmas Movie?
Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. It has great songs and is spectacularly funny, with Oscar the Grouch falling down like 85 flights of stairs at one point and a “Gift of the Magi” parody and a song in ASL and a lot of little kids giving you their theories on Santa. The main storyline’s pretty sweet. And there is no Elmo.

Runner-up is, of course, The Muppet Christmas Carol, with Michael Caine playing the best Scrooge ever. I was impressed at how much of the actual Dickens they got in there (~~The Great Gonzo~~ Charles Dickens himself even gives you a lot of the narrative, which is great stuff). The music is also terrific.

I also happen to love superhero cartoon Christmas episodes, because they are invariably cracktacular. The X-Men Animated one where Wolverine learns the True Meaning of Christmas, which seems to be donating blood to Morlocks, and we find out that Beast makes a spectacular cranberry glaze. The Justice League episode with the Martian Christmas carols, Flash’s desperate quest to get the last of the Awesome Gifts, the epic snowball fight between Green Lantern and Hawkgirl, and of course the nod to the fact that Batman hates Christmas. And the reason Batman hates Christmas, the best of all—“Christmas with the Joker,” in which the Joker holds people hostage, blows up trains and buildings, and takes over broadcasting systems in order to give Bats his Christmas present. (And the present itself is totally brilliant.) They don’t count as Christmas movies, but they are hilarious.

But that Sesame Street one … wow. Everyone should watch it. You want to cry every time Ernie sells Rubber Ducky in order to get the perfect gift for Bert. Man, that’s a good one.

Now, the happy: the ridiculous conversation I just had with

lookingforwater in which we decided that Commander Riker would be the most hilarious drunk ever. ("DATA WAS THAT YOUR DAUGHTER? OH SHIT SORRY ABOUT THAT. COULD SHE FEEL PAIN WHEN SHE DIED, DO YOU THINK? AND DUDE, WAS SHE 'FULLY FUNCTIONAL'? WHAT DID I MISS WITH HER? TASHA SAID YOU WERE 'FULLY FUNCTIONAL'! DUDE, YOU FUCKED TASHA!")

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: James Taylor and Natalie Cole ~ Baby, It's Cold Outside

Yay! I got me a Metaquote! (Not nearly as good as Ish’s, though—come on, if you’re a genre-lover who has taken a creative writing class, you have had this experience. I know I have.)

It’s evident that my subconscious is less inhibited about awesome crossover fiction. I still think the greatest crossover ever is not Batman with Doctor Who; it is, undeniably, Wolverine Versus Alien. I am tempted to learn to draw, then learn to draw comics, just so that I can draw the scene with Wolverine’s chestburster, because that shit was comedy gold.*

Makes me sorta sorry I’m going off the Fukitol, really. But since I at least seem motivated to write now, it’s a trade-off, I s’pose.

*And yes, I already thought about the fact that Wolvie’s ribs are coated in adamantium. Clearly he’s still got some non-adamantium-coated costal cartilage, or he’d have a lot more trouble breathing—so presumably the alien could bust through that, and I think they would bend a bit outward from the spine. And quit looking at me like that.

Current Mood: nerdy
Current Music: Mannheim Steamroller ~ Chakra 3

American Business Women's Day
Autumnal Equinox
Fall Begins Northern Hemisphere
Spring Begins Southern Hemisphere
Dear Diary Day
Elephant Appreciation Day
Family Day - A Day To Eat Dinner With Your Children
Hobbit Day
Long Count Day
Mabon (Wiccan)
Anniversary - Emancipation Proclamation
Anniversary - Ice Cream Cone Birthday
Independence Day (Mali)

What I Learned This Summer:

I am so short my feet don’t touch the ground even when I’m standing up.
“A quillow is a quilt with an attached pocket into which the whole blanket can be folded, thus making a pillow.” – Wikipedia. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
It really, really sucks to be a penguin.
Magnesium burns oxygen in water like a normal fire burns oxygen in air. Magnesium burns water.
If one of the keys on your keyboard pops off and you lose half of the little plastic scissor-lift underneath it, the computer companies will try to charge you $150 to send in your whole damn computer for repair.
If you are clever and buy a replacement keyboard on ebay instead, that little plastic ditzel will still run you $25.
The Fourth Lateran Council of 1215 was a council in the Catholic Church that worked out some interesting doctrines, including the one saying that the Eucharist is sacred and that Jews were pariahs who had to pay taxes to even exist—which wound up being in a more miserable state than people who didn’t need to pay taxes for the privilege of being alive. These two items turned out to be related as accusations of Jews’ plotting to desecrate the Magic Jesus Cracker became handy ways for the upper-echelon Catholics to convince unruly mobs to kill all the Jews.
People still think the Eucharist is made of Jesus and magic.
One of Superman’s early powers was apparently the ability to PUNCH LASERS. And no, I don’t mean that he punched the gun that makes the laser—I mean he punched the actual LASER. And he didn’t just hit that thing once, oh no: he beat the shit out of it. Had that laser begging for its momma. I can think of a number of times this would have come in handy in later stories, but after the first time he did it I haven’t seen him use this tremendous power again. Which is a damn shame.
The guy who does that “In the criminal justice system” voiceover for all the Law’n’Order shows actually has a name, and it is a great one: Steven Zirnkilton.
I already knew about His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, but I didn’t realize he was such a badass that people routinely reserved places in theaters and in restaurants.
Octopuses don’t have eight arms or eight legs—they have six arms and two legs!
The scars the Slab of Slob Movie!Joker has on his face have a name: it’s called the Glasgow Smile.
Much as dirt is a product of worms, the fine sand on beautiful tropical beaches is a result of parrot fish’s ability to bite through rock. Eww.
People seem to believe that your job is detached from your morals. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve refused to pursue a job recommendation due to moral reasons and been told, “Well, so what if you’re opposed to it? It’s a job.” And people wonder how war crimes happen.
Riffing on a performance a la MST3k is probably as old as performance art itself, so it comes as no surprise that its movie history stretches back to the beginning of cinema: silent film theatergoers often had to put up with smart alecks in the audience supplying their own version of the dialogue. And one such smart aleck was young film and vaudeville buff Mel Blanc.
Community college is pants.
APPARENTLY Effexor shows up as PCP on a drug test. I think I’d heard this before, but I had forgotten until I FAILED MY DRUG TEST.
[This one is really gross. Don’t read it. I’m serious.] Apparently breast implants can CALCIFY INTO ROCKLIKE LUMPS WHAT THE HOLY GODDAMN HELL. So you can actually fracture a boob. Oh my god how disgusting is that?
I am actually allergic to smokers!
Office jobs really are as soulless as everyone says.
Kimonos have a very simple and cool design when you’re sewing them, even if you’re not actually sewing a real kimono.
Not even my family is entirely non-confrontational.
California drivers really are worse than Utah drivers.
Sea cucumbers are actually very soft and cuddly when they are not barfing their guts all over you.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Ringo Starr ~ Oo-Wee

Dear Ursula Vernon,

I think I love you.*

The third comment down the page summed it up for me nicely: heh heh, I have to admit I'm getting a big kick out of this gender-reversed condescension. Ursula does it scarily well, too.

*EDIT: Time's up! The link is now archived; to see it, you will just have to subscribe to Graphic Smash.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Basia ~ Promises

Paralympic Games 2008 (China)
Unification Day (Bulgaria)
Defense of Pakistan Day (Pakistan)
Independence Day (Swaziland)

This is what gondolinchick01 and I get up to when nobody’s around to talk sense into us.

( Dolls and Toys! )

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Jimmy Buffett ~ Cheeseburger in Paradise

Birthday - Mae West
Independence Day (Gabon)
Independence Day (Indonesia)

The other cool thing about my comic-book-crazed brother is that he tries to get me to rifle through his comic books. I just read the entirety of 52 in the last day (a bit busy both in plot and art for me, but fun, and hey, who doesn’t love Renee Montoya?) and he’s pushing others on me. It’s giving me something to do today, since for some reason I’m just not into talking lately—possibly because my pompous supercilious uncle’s conversation switch seems to be stuck on “condescend,” and I don’t feel like spending hours being treated like a four-year-old.

Looting continues on schedule. Everyone keeps telling me to pick out a souvenir, but I can’t find anything in the house that I like.

On the plus side, I’ll be crashing ASL classes on Wednesday. With luck, I can legitimize that in the next couple of days. Anything to get the hell out of Cheyenne.

Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: James Taylor ~ Copperline

International Respect for Chickens Day
National Infertility Survival Day
Birthday - Audrey Hepburn (actress)
Independence Day (Rhode Island)
Youth Day (China)

Well, I wasn’t as impressed with Iron Man as everyone else, but one thing amused the hell out of me: I submit that the guilt-tripping heartstring-tugging news report about the tragic consequences of Stark’s weapon sales on the innocent women and children of the unhappy Middle Eastern village is the single funniest TV-is-pertinent-to-you-specifically moment ever. The newslady was actually berating our hero, and laying on the tragedy and hardship with a trowel. And it just kept going. I giggled so hard through that whole monologue that

alietffinally had to smack me to shut me up.

That was about it. Oh, and the first test of the rocket boots. That was funny. And dammit, once again physics is apparently optional in a comic book movie—and since I wasn't as into the movie, I couldn't forgive it as well as usual. (I did, however, enjoy being there to commentate on it with my friends. We all belong in the Special Hell.)

Also, can anyone explain to me what was up with the stop-motion shot when Iron Man first steps into daylight? I’m sure there was some sort of deep geek significance behind it, but I can’t figure out what it was—I just got sort of mystified at seeing a sudden and rather blatant Ye Olde Effecte. What up with that?

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Janis Ian ~ Play Like A Girl

Normally I enjoy Magellan as a generally pretty good comic by a very thorough and very earnest author, but Saturday’s installment* is incredible. In a stunning display of perceptiveness and diplomacy, Kaycee managed to stick a dagger into every single chink in Miasma’s psychological armor, and she did it in a completely inoffensive way. The body image thing is brilliant. And she doesn’t know that Miasma’s looking at the smoking corpse of her boyfriend-in-the-past, who has just been murdered by his crazed drugged up megalomaniacal future self—but that’s going to make it all the more effective in cracking her.

I don’t think even Batman could have come up with that.** Bravo, Stephen Crowley! And bravo, Kaycee!

*You will not understand it unless you’ve read all of Magellan, which requires a subscription to Graphic Smash; I merely put the link there for reference. However, I highly recommend doing that anyway because it also hosts Ursula Vernon’s Digger.

**Bats would still have totally saved the world, but he might not have done it the same way.

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Simon & Garfunkel ~ Cecilia

Birthday - Copernicus' Birthday (astronomer)
Anniversary - Japanese Internment

I’m unexpectedly done for the day! Last class was cancelled, see.

However, I still have lots to do, so once again instead of the amazing entry about how I swam around in the cosmos in Lamu one night, you get a video of one of the Greatest Moments in Cartoons From Roughly Around My Childhood, ever.*

Back before I complicated my internal file space with original thoughts, I was the human VCR. Everything I saw from about age 4 until early adolescence—every episode of every cartoon—is recorded inside my head to a scary degree.** The fact that I don’t remember more than two episodes of Transformers shows that I did not watch it.

This scene, however, is from one of those episodes. And it has been stuck in my brain ever since. Because watching your toys pound down excessive amounts of what appears to be Kool-Aid mixed with vodka is memorable. Perhaps this is why I have such a distaste for alcohol—not that it makes me sneeze, or that I hate its effect; maybe it’s that I’m subconsciously worried I’ll turn into a Decepticon.

We’ll just use that as my excuse when people offer me a beer at parties, then, shall we? I’m sick of digging up the Fukitol excuse, anyway.

*Not the now-infamous-among-my-friends X-Men scene featuring Mr. Sinister, Cyclops, and a fanged vacuum hose. However, it’s almost of that caliber.

**For example, I can blast all the way through from “United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama …” to “Monaco, Lichtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan!” without skipping a beat. Talk about useless talents.

Current Mood: Deshepticonsh! Attack!
Current Music: Fleetwood Mac ~ Paper Doll

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The Desert Mermaid

I Am The Boss Princess

Entries tagged with heroes who aren't batman

Last Night's Winning Dream

Character Designs

A Moment Of Marvel Aplomb

Blog Game Part II!

Fandom Meme Again!

Dr. Manhattan In A BUNNY SUIT

Pointless Grumbling

Deep Thoughts

A Very PECULIAR Epic

The Entry With The Most Capitalized Phrases Ever

Mood Music

Advent Calendar ~ Day 12!

My Inner Nerd Is Even Nerdier Than My Outer Nerd

The Life Experience ~ Summer '08

Gender Bender!

Grown Up? What's That?

Looting Update

Aren't You Ashamed Of Yourself, Mr. Stark?

fangirls around

Those Were The Good Ol' Daysh Back On Shybertron ...