Flights Of Fancy

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I have decided, after a conversation a while back with pandoras_closet, that if I were a fantasy critter, I’d be a hobbit. Really, it’s the obvious choice—I’m a short, curly-headed, fuzzy, middle-class homebody who enjoys her food and has been on a couple of trips totally out of her depth. And I’m flippin’ adorable.

However, as the Tolkien estate has trademarked hobbits, I’ve got a backup public domain plan.

I would be a harpy.

Yeah, I know, y’all were thinking I’d be a siren, right, since I like mermaids? Well, joke’s on you! Sirens are not fishladies; they are birdladies! In fact, they were the original birdladies.* However, while I like mermaids, there’s a reason I’m the Desert Mermaid—I love the ocean, but I don’t want to live in it. And sirens are neat, but I dunno, harpies have a certain … lack of style that’s right up my alley. I always think of sirens as willowy and sylphlike. Harpies are the hobbits of birdladies.

It’d be damn fun, though—opposable talons, ability to sleep standing up, and of course the ability to fly! The only problem would be getting bras on, and that is mitigated by a couple of detachable shoulder straps.

Because you see, I would not have the hygiene problem. I would be the world’s cleanest harpy. None of that explosion of pinfeathers or mites or messed up hair for me. I would definitely have a perch installed in the shower, and a few other perches in the bathroom as well, and I’d always wash my talons before handling food, and keep them trimmed, and I’d keep my teeth brushed,** and I’d definitely wash my hair. I would also keep visiting Ed the Hairbender—because if you want a crazy hairdresser, you can’t do better than Ed the Hairbender.***

It’s possible I’d have some trouble with all my hands-on hobbies, from fabricating thingy-things like jewelry and clothes to playing video games. But I understand birds are pretty good at standing on one foot, and I could probably get away with doing things with just one hand, as long as I kept my talons short and learned to sit on my tail when I needed two hands. So really, not much of a downside to being a harpy!

How about you? What sort of miffic critter would you be?


*Given the nerds who hang out around here, you all probably knew that already.

**I wouldn’t floss, though. Some habits never quite take.

***Trust me, I know. I have had three crazy hairdressers in the last few years, but only one of them believes me when I say I want my hair to be REAL SHORT. And, for that matter, only one is willing to paint his nails black and dress up as Elvira for Halloween.

Comments

[viizou.livejournal.com]

I think I'd be something that fidgets a lot and maybe bumps into things at times - something kind of annoying, but ultimately lovable. Hmmm... maybe a Brownie? The kind that takes care of the house... But I'd be a little more sarcastic than most of them (although this may be because I've just finished reading The Spiderwick Chronicles...).

Or, on days when I'm feeling more feminine, maybe a pixie? A spastic pixie... that sounds about right.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wastrel/]

You know, I can't help but imagine that pixies were first come up with by medieval men who did just not realize that their wives were the ones who did all the housework, and therefore felt completely justified sitting around doing none of it at all. And I keep picturing their angry over-worked wives eventually snapping at them and saying "There ARE no pixies! It was ME!"