The Life Experience ~ Winter '12

[bloodyrosemccoy]

A day late, but gimme a break—yesterday was as bonkers as Monday. Anyway, here’s …

What I Learned Since The Winter Solstice

• Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds had lupus.
• In other WTF music deaths, Melvin Franklin, the awesome bass singer from my favorite band, died of necrotizing fasciitis—the FLESH-EATING VIRUS.
• The platypus’s bill is electrosensitive.
• Quinoa comes in all the colors!
• Friendship bracelets work on the same knot-tying principles as macramé, except for some reason they’re a lot more fun.
• Gliese 436b is an ice planet with a surface temperature of 800˚F. Yes, that means it’s a planet of hot ice.
• Gallbladder surgery can be avoided with magic purple stuff!
• If you watch enough of them, it’s possible to date old western movies to within three years of their release.
• Scientists have spliced spider genes into goats, making spidergoats whose milk can be processed into spider silk. And the spiders aren’t even radioactive.
• Even turning into a skid won’t always save your car from blunt force trauma.
• Wearing a seatbelt can save you from a lot of injury, but it may give you a purple boob if your car has a front-end impact.
• There are three timelines in the Zelda universe, splitting with Ocarina of Time. In one, Ganon got the Triforce and was defeated by grown-ass Link. In another, little Link tipped everyone off to Ganon’s shenanigans (shenaniganons?) and Ganon didn’t get to become the King of Evil. In the third, Link failed and the sages had to seal Ganon into the Sacred Realm.
• The receptionist from Monsters, Inc. has a MEAN older brother.
• The brain-eating amoebas are IN YOUR TAPWATER RIGHT NOW. RUN.
• Contadina sauce is the best for pizza.
• Writing a synopsis for your own book is never easy.
• Bomber jackets can be amazingly warm.
• People seriously believe that monitoring the state of my reproductive system is a serious job requiring lots of government resources.
• THERE IS A SPACE OPERA VERSION OF THE HOBBIT.

Comments

[willowistari.livejournal.com]

The brain-eating amoebas are IN YOUR TAPWATER RIGHT NOW. RUN

I recently learned this too, when I got a neti pot and my doctor was like "omg don't use tap water in it!!1!" and I was like "oh shit."

But thankfully I did not get brain bugs.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

My doctor was a little more blase when I mentioned it. "What, were they just scooping pond water into their neti pots?!"

It's a moot point for me, anyway, since I don't want to ever use one. It sounds unpleasant.

[willowistari.livejournal.com]

It doesn't make much difference in my sinuses and allergies, really, so you may not be missing much. It doesn't hurt at all, but I will admit it feels pretty damn weird.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Scientists have spliced spider genes into goats, making spidergoats whose milk can be processed into spider silk. And the spiders aren’t even radioactive.

There is way too much wrong with this for comfort. First off, goats are ornery creatures just by themselves. That's why we call them goats. Now you give them super spider powers. Is the world ready for a horrendously fast and deathly strong eight legged goat? And if that's not enough, it can shoot sticky webbing FROM ITS TEATS. OMG WHAT IS THIS I DONT EVEN SCIENCE WHY DO YOU HATE US SO?

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I'm waiting for them to do the opposite process and make milk-producing spiders. Because somehow that's even worse.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Yes indeed, old Farmer Bill always has to wear the heavy armor when milking SpiderBessie. Spiders apparently get all cranky when someone's pulling on their udders.

Also, where does that milk come from? Goats and cows eat grass, and the grass becomes milk. Spiders eat LOTS AND LOTS OF BUGS. You're drinking LIQUIFIED BUG. OH GOD IT GETS WORSE EVERY SECOND I THINK ABOUT IT

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

A horrendously fast and deathly strong eight legged goat that can walk on walls!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Shelob!Frank their love is so glglglaallaagghghghxxhxxxx

[ninjakitten]

Wearing a seatbelt can save you from a lot of injury, but it may give you a purple boob if your car has a front-end impact.

Mine remained purple for a couple weeks, IIRC. I hope you didn't also learn this the hard way.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Why as a matter of fact I did!

I kept wishing I could show people. It was certainly impressive-looking ...

[ninjakitten]

I feared as much and I am sorry to hear it! Mine was fairly impressive too, but the foot was a lot more so: even now there's remnants of the bruising there, though at least you finally have to actually look closely for it.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Dang, was that the accident you had when I was around? That's some persistent bruising!

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I've been looking forward to this since I realized on Monday that it was almost the Equinox!

Random reactions:

- Did you know that Macramè was popular with Viking Warriors? They often used it to make grips for swords and stuff as well as purely decorative items.

- I remember reading about the Spider Goats way back when they got mentioned repeatedly in Narbonic.

- I named my Tyranid Hive Fleet in Warhammer 40K after those Algae. It was basically the most unpleasant thing I could come up with.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Yay! I'm glad you like these! They're fun to write.

I did not know that about Viking warriors, but I did know that sailors were big on knitting. But now I know EVEN MORE things!

Hmm; I'd name my terrifying armada the Ichneumon fleet. The only reason the ichneumon family is not as terrifying is because it doesn't happen to humans. THAT WE KNOW OF.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

The Tyranids actually pretty much have that covered with a creature called the Parasite of Mortrex that stabs people with an Ovipositor and then little Nids hatch out of them in minutes.

It was kind of a challenge coming up with something even as nasty as what's already canon.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Of course friendship bracelets are more fun! Besides the whole warm fuzzy friendship thing, it's MUCH more fun to work with bright colored embroidery thread than rough or even scratchy rope.