The Ghost Of Christmas Spite

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Tree get!

It’s a nice tree—as Dad pointed out, it is the first year he has found a really STRAIGHT tree, rather than one that leans slightly to the left. No one will be surprised when I note that having a straight tree is part of The Rules for Dad.

The poor tree lot guys looked a little haggard—all except one veteran Tree Guy, possibly because his age exempted him from having to haul trees around and climb up to tie them onto cars. He just followed customers around chatting.

Thus, he was there when we found the tree we wanted. “I like it,” I said. “It’s straight!” Dad said. “Good size,” my sister said. “It will get needles all over the carpet,” said Mom, who hates Christmas.*

Tree Guy lit up like, well, you know. “I’ll give you a discount,” he said eagerly, “if you buy THIS SPECIFIC TREE.”

“That is very kind of you!” we said.

“No, it’s not,” he said. “You see, this family came in this morning to get a tree. They liked this one, but they told me they were going to check some other tree lots before deciding—and then they asked me to hold this tree for them in case they wanted it.”

There was a pause as we digested this.

“They were comparison shopping for a Christmas tree?” I finally said.

“I told them they’d have to take their chances,” he shrugged.

My family shared some calculating looks. This was an odd little ethical dilemma. We would have to consider—

“We’ll take it,” Dad said.

“Definitely!” the rest of us chimed in.

Tree Guy cackled gleefully as two of his minions prepped our tree, and I admit we cackled all the way home, too, because we are judgmental spiteful jerks. What can I say? Anyone who treats buying a Christmas tree that nitpickily needs a reality check. Christmas trees are weird enough already.

Either that or maybe a Foreign Tree Dealership made them a better offer, anyway, on a Luxury Tree with, I don’t know, pre-tinseled branches and self-cleaning needles, and they won’t give it a second thought. You never know!

The point is, we have our tree now. The living room smells like pine, the tree is ramrod-straight by god, and the cat thinks we are insane. Damn, I love this time of year.


*My brother didn’t vote because he’s in California, which made Mom and Dad slightly mopey.

Comments

[nobleplatypus]

Your family cracks me up. And I think mine would have done the same, because SERIOUSLY.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

They crack me up, too!

Yeah, we really had no choice. I wondered if he was telling the truth, but Mom pointed out that it's so weird it's GOT to be true.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

My family would have done the same, except without the pause to ponder the ethical dilemma.

[daiq.livejournal.com]

Yep - totally same in my family :D

[beccastareyes]

Mom stopped getting a real tree because she thinks the Nebraska ones don't smell strongly enough, and our younger cat is convinced that the only reason you bring a tree into the house is as a giant cat toy*. And real trees knock water and needles all over the carpet when they fall over in addition to the decorations, and it's just not worth it if the house doesn't seem like pine tree. (Mom also likes the idea about trees with built-in lights, but my mother is picky about her Christmas lights. She can barely find strings of lights she likes**, and our old ones are starting to wear out.)

If you're going to be that nitpicky about a tree, maybe they should consider a fake one that looks right (or the same) every year.

** This was also his reaction to any small animal, which is why my parakeet lives with my sister and not my mother any more.

* She likes the big old lights in multiple colors.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I just can't get over the idea that perhaps another lot had better offers. They're TREES. Does it have branches? Is it free of pests? How straight is it? I'll take it!

Our cat likes to eat tinsel, so, uh, we don't do tinsel anymore. But we did stick with the giant old bubble lights! Power to your mom!

[beccastareyes]

We knew the cats would eat tinsel, so it was never an issue.

You know, I can see pricing to see who is selling trees for what price, but... yeah. Asking to hold one is a bit silly.

(Also, 'does it fit in the house?')

[westrider.livejournal.com]

(Also, 'does it fit in the house?')

I should see if there are any surviving pictures of the time we misjudged that one. Even after we trimmed the top, it looked like the thing continued up to the second floor ;)

[allicapri.livejournal.com]

Please tell me you then took the top and set it up in the same spot on the second floor. That would make me laugh for days!

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I wanted to, but was overruled :(

[shadesofmauve]

I'm surprised! I would have thought your mum would be right on board with that. :)

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Past that point, it went down to basically just one branch, so it wouldn't actually have been all that cool. It was kind of a weird looking tree when it was intact.

[daiq.livejournal.com]

Searching frantically for the "like" button

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Dude, that's what chain saws are for. Gasoline powered ones. In the house.

Yeah.

Seriously. George (FIL) never let a silly thing like common sense get in his way.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Nah, my dad is more of a muscle-powered, axe and handsaw sort of guy. He considers chainsaws to be lacking in manliness because you're not actually doing the work yourself ;)

[mel-redcap.livejournal.com]

My family's tree traditions include a requirement that the tree must be taller than will fit properly in the house. Really. It's not right unless it's hitting the ceiling and has the top foot or so bent sideways. Also, we like it top-heavy enough that it has to be tied into a corner of the room with guy ropes. XD (I'm not kidding. Both these criteria started out as "oops, we misjudged this tree but we like it anyway" and have become necessities.)

Our cats have never eaten tinsel (thank goodness!), but we did lose an entire set of old-fashioned glass baubles to one cat... two or three a year over many years. They rolled better than the plastic ones and made fun tinkly noises when he batted them against the walls, so every year he knocked off the ones on the lower branches and played them to death. And there were always some on the lower branches because Mum has a 'thing' about spacing different types of ornament out evenly, so "keep them all high enough to be out of paw reach" was never considered as an option... :P :)

[westrider.livejournal.com]

At my Mom's last house, we actually had hooks permanently installed in the corner where we always put the tree so as to make it easier to to tie it in. Even if the tree was relatively well balanced, with as many cats around as we always have, it was necessary.

[diatryma.livejournal.com]

This is why it was great to grow up in a house with a two-story peaked ceiling in the great room. The trees that had overgrown, the ones that the tree farmer let us have for cheap because no one else would buy them, looked amazing.

[beccastareyes]

Nice. Decorating them would be a pain, but you could never have too many ornaments.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

When you've got as many wacky ornaments as my family, and only so many places on a tree to put them, tinsel garlands are just a waste of space.

[baby-rissa-chan.livejournal.com]

Our debate over trees also throws in "how fresh is it" and "how sturdy are the branches," but that's part of the additional complication of using real candles on your trees. Aside from that, it's more a matter of "how even are the gaps" than "how straight is it" for our family.

Also, a wonderful alternative to tinsel which has the additional benefit of being reusable and traditional is to go for tin icicles.

http://www.google.com/search?q=tin+icicles&hl=en&prmd=ivs&source=univ&tbs=shop:1&tbo=u&ei=W6f7TEOEvJUH-d2EjAU&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&sqi=2&ved=0CCsQrQQwAA&biw=1024&bih=547

[bkwrrm-tx.livejournal.com]

Keep posting happy, fun, your-family-is-nuts Christmas type stories, okay? I'm feeling decidedly UNholidaylike, and need this reminder that it doesn't suck rocks for everyone.

*hugs*

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I will try to! I hope things get better for you soon, too--I have been depressed before and I agree, Depression Sucks. If I can do anything to undepress you, let me know!

[bkwrrm-tx.livejournal.com]

Well, I read that as 'underpants you' and *that* made me grin... :-)

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

My work here is finished.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

My Grandfather apparently used to haggle until he got two scraggly trees for rather less than half price, and then cut the branches off one of them and put them into holes he drilled in the other, so as to create one frankentree with appropriate branch placement.

Math Professors...

[westrider.livejournal.com]

As I said, only a Math Professor would see this as a reasonable use of time and work. They're a little divorced from reality ;)

[daiq.livejournal.com]

Your grandpa is awesome on so very many levels!

[westrider.livejournal.com]

He was in many ways. I really regret that he was pretty senile by the time I was old enough to have properly appreciated him; I never really got to know him.

[pghbekka.livejournal.com]

I LOVE your family AND that fabulous Christmas tree guy! I'm kind of very sad that no one in my family gets a real tree any more. My parents decorate the Christmas ficus (which also puts in time as an Easter and Halloween ficus, when necessary), I have a lighted white wire one, and my sister and her family have a fake one with all the trimmings. But growing up, we went to a fabulous farm that did natural growth trees, and cut down our own. We tended to come home with Christmas bushes that filled the entire living room and had to have bits cut off because we'd overestimated how high our ceilings were again.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Huh. You and I got the same mom.

[sriti.livejournal.com]

Hi, being a Muslim in a predominantly Muslim country, I don't know much about getting Christmas trees other than you get them and decorate them and put presents around them (you know, stuff you learn from watching movies), so forgive my ignorance, but being nit-picky about a tree isn't the done thing? Why not?

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

*grin* I just found out that trying to explain something I take for granted is HARD! ;) But here goes:

Sure, you want a nice Christmas tree--maybe you want it straight like Dad does, and you want it to be green instead of withered and brown, and you don't want to find unpleasant vermin in it, and of course it should fit in your house. But those criteria could fit quite a few trees on any Christmas tree lot--they're grown on Christmas tree FARMS, so they're all pretty similar. Beyond that basic list of criteria, most people aren't picky--the plan is to pile on decorations, anyway, and after all you're going to mulch it when the holidays are over. Plus, most of the lots around here have similar prices, so it's not a question of cost. So insisting on ONE PARTICULAR tree out of all of them, and deciding you'll check with other vendors to see if they're offering better trees, seems a little ... overzealous.

[mel-redcap.livejournal.com]

Also, if you're comparison shopping, it's Not Done to ask people to hold things for you 'just in case' you end up picking that one. Especially not at a busy time of year in seasonal retail. You ask people to hold things for you if and when you KNOW you are coming back to get THAT ONE, honest, really, definitely, it's the one you want but you can't buy it this minute because you need to go get cash / it won't fit on the car roof / some other reason why you have to delay grabbing it. Asking people to hold something because you MIGHT come back for it is basically asking them to risk being unable to sell it at all. :P

[annotated_em]

This made me cackle out loud and terrify the cats. Best christmas-tree story ever.

Best. Story. EVAR.

[sanachan1.livejournal.com]

If I ever have children I may have to lie to them and tell them this story as something my husband and I did in our misspent youth.this. Except I think my husband would have high-fived the tree guy.

[glaikery.livejournal.com]

I must say: I have no experience with situations such as this one (at least, not involving Christmas trees or family-sharing calculating looks precisely), but this post cheered me up immensely.

I am very pleased for you!