Today's Sport: Drowning!

[bloodyrosemccoy]

The biggest problem with being a cyborg is taking your bionic enhancements for granted, until suddenly you can’t use them. For example, I totally forgot I was wearing glasses instead of contacts until I got to the pool, when I had to stick them in my locker and stumble out through the beige of the locker room and the occasional bright-colored, knee-high blobs that were frolicking children.

Once I had found the pool, I surveyed the vast expanse of blue before me, and realized I had a new problem.

“Excuse me,” I said to a red thing that I assumed was part of a lifeguard. “This is going to sound ridiculous, but I forgot my contacts. Can you tell me if any of these lanes is empty?”

“The last two lanes are open,” the red thing said.

So yes, I finally got my shit together* go swimming at a rec center that actually allows you to lap swim, and I forgot: swimming is HARD, yo. I warmed up, then did the world’s weeniest swim—one that mostly consisted of trying to remember what the hell I was doing and how to breathe without getting water up my nose—because I didn’t want to overdo it. It didn’t help—even with all my attempts to keep things light I managed to immediately pull a muscle, which was very surprised to be moving.

The nice thing about being totally awful at something is that you can only improve, though! I will try to make swimming into a habit from now on. It shouldn’t be hard: the rec center also has a respectable little water slide. If I go, then god damn I get to use that thing, because just being a grownup doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a water slide after you’ve done grownup lap swimming.


*This includes my odd two-piece swimsuit arrangement, which consists of a red onesie and tight knee-length men’s trunks, because I’ve finally giving up on the impossible task of making my upper legs look socially acceptable. I suppose I could make a statement about our aversion to hair and whatnot, but since I prefer not to have my skin touching anyway, it seemed prudent to pick my battles.

Comments

[viizou.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time going to the pool and not thinking back to horrible high school PE (do they still call it that?) every time I get a whiff of that chlorine smell. Reading this particular post brought back memories, too. I didn't have contacts at the time, and the teacher seemed to have forgotten that I was a regular Mr. Magoo: she would start yelling, and it would take me forever to realize that she was yelling at me.

At least she saved me the time I got a cramp in the middle of the pool.

Enjoy the water slide!

[renshai.livejournal.com]

Trust me, lifeguards get that kind of question all the time.

Congrats on getting back to swimming!

[vogtalicious.livejournal.com]

I remember reading that Helen Keller used to go swimming in a local creek--she would tie a rope to a tree, tie said rope to herself, then paddle around for a bit before following the rope back out.

Keep swimming! Does your rec center also have waist bands or cuffs for aqua jogging? You may like that as well if the whole 'stroke-stroke-breath' thing gets hard. And don't worry, all the lifeguards at my former job always, always abused our water slide rules. The water slide is for everyone!!!

[evilcresyluna.livejournal.com]

It could have been the red power ranger helpfully noting the location of empty lanes...
And yay on swimming! One of my knitting-circle peeps was like "I need a swim buddy, or I'm just completely unmotivated to go" and I volunteered myself, now knowing there is an open-to-the-public indoor pool in this area. Which will probably also consist of drowning for an inordinate amount of time.