Feb. 15th, 2010

bloodyrosemccoy: (Lobot!)
The biggest problem with being a cyborg is taking your bionic enhancements for granted, until suddenly you can’t use them. For example, I totally forgot I was wearing glasses instead of contacts until I got to the pool, when I had to stick them in my locker and stumble out through the beige of the locker room and the occasional bright-colored, knee-high blobs that were frolicking children.

Once I had found the pool, I surveyed the vast expanse of blue before me, and realized I had a new problem.

“Excuse me,” I said to a red thing that I assumed was part of a lifeguard. “This is going to sound ridiculous, but I forgot my contacts. Can you tell me if any of these lanes is empty?”

“The last two lanes are open,” the red thing said.

So yes, I finally got my shit together* go swimming at a rec center that actually allows you to lap swim, and I forgot: swimming is HARD, yo. I warmed up, then did the world’s weeniest swim—one that mostly consisted of trying to remember what the hell I was doing and how to breathe without getting water up my nose—because I didn’t want to overdo it. It didn’t help—even with all my attempts to keep things light I managed to immediately pull a muscle, which was very surprised to be moving.

The nice thing about being totally awful at something is that you can only improve, though! I will try to make swimming into a habit from now on. It shouldn’t be hard: the rec center also has a respectable little water slide. If I go, then god damn I get to use that thing, because just being a grownup doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a water slide after you’ve done grownup lap swimming.

*This includes my odd two-piece swimsuit arrangement, which consists of a red onesie and tight knee-length men’s trunks, because I’ve finally giving up on the impossible task of making my upper legs look socially acceptable. I suppose I could make a statement about our aversion to hair and whatnot, but since I prefer not to have my skin touching anyway, it seemed prudent to pick my battles.


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