We Could All Use One Right Now
Apr. 14th, 2009 06:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodyrosemccoyAmelia Presents: How To Make A Good Cup Of Tea
Featuring: Her New Silly Teapot
This is a tea kettle.
Tea snobs make a big hairy deal out of this thing, saying that it’s so damn much better than a microwave, it’s the only proper way to make tea, it’s actually God’s current incarnation on Earth, etc.. “Oh, tea snobs,” the non-snobs think, “what is wrong with the microwave? It gets the water just as hot.”
Yes. But my friends, there is more to tea than hot water. And that is why a scene like this makes a good tea snob bury their face in their hands:
“But what more is there?” I hear you cry. Ah, my friends, you don’t know the half of it. To make a real cup of tea, here’s what you need:
Wait, wait! Don’t run screaming yet! I know this looks complicated, but do not fear, for I am with you. And as an avid Proper Sort Of Tea Drinker once said in large, friendly letters,
DON’T PANIC
We will get through this.
A bit of background to start you out: Equipment for brewing varies some across cultures around the world—tea kettles, for example, are a lot simpler setup than, say, a samovar—but brewing rules are usually about the same. The catch? Brewing rules differ depending on whether the tea is black, green, white, or oolong (all leaves from the tea plant; treatment and time of harvest determine the type) or some technically-not-tea infusion like rooibos or any other herbal tisane. However, we’ll stick to black tea today, since it’s the one Westerners are most familiar with and more likely to drink.
Now, is the teapot necessary for making one lousy cup? No.
The teapot is a handy way to make enough tea to share with your friends,
but you can just as easily make a cup with one of these, or one of those fancy contraptions marketed nowadays for the snob on the go.
Yes, that’s a teabag in there. I have nothing really against teabags (although I recommend against using it as a verb. This has not stopped the Republican party). I really like some teas that I only get in bags, like Lady Grey or Constant Comment.
However, there is definitely a difference between bag tea and loose leaf. It’s not very difficult to tell. Here are the contents of one Stash Earl Grey teabag next to Peet’s brand Earl Grey loose leaf. Guess which is which.
And hey, as long as Earl Grey is familiar, let’s use that for this demonstration of fancypants hoity-toity highfalutin complicated brewing, shall we?
So. Here’s how you turn that little can into a delicious brew.
Start with that kettle again. Put some water in it. Real snobs only want you to put in fancy springwater that melted off a comet or something. If you can’t get that then you can always blaspheme with some tapwater.
There it is on the stove, heating along. You don’t have to stare at it, but you do want to wait till it’s boiling. When it is, pour just a bit into your teapot. Note that your teapot does not have to be a silly one you painted yourself with planets and what looks like an alien twilight. That is optional.
Swirl that little bit of water around. Now pour it out.
Yes. You are pouring this water out. It was there to heat up the teapot so it won’t cool down too fast when the actual tea is in it. I have been known to skip this step.
Right, now put the kettle back on to boil. If your kettle “whistles,” which is what they call it except in all my kettles it’s actually an urgent hysterical shriek like your kettle is a tiny Dalek sitting on the burner or something, you’ll probably want to disable it or leave it off the burner until you are ready for boiling water. Some people say you shouldn’t leave the water boiling anyway.
Now you’re going to measure out the tea!
You ever wonder why it’s called a “teaspoon”? Me too. I used to think it was because it was about the capacity of one of those cute little swizzle-spoons you stir tea with, which are also called teaspoons. However, I also have discovered something amazing: a measuring teaspoon is about how much black tea you need to make one regular-sized cup.*
Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
Since I like a big mug, though, I usually heap on about half a teaspoon more. If you filled this teapot all the way, it would be five or five-and-a-half teaspoons. But I am only going to make enough for one cup, so, as the water is hitting its boil, here I go:
Now whip the kettle off and, as quickly as you can before it stops boiling, pour it in! (If you are at a high altitude, you can also swear a bit here because the boiling point is lower, but that’s optional.)
Cover your teapot.
There’s a weird, poetic term for what happens next: it’s called the “agony of the leaves.” I’m guessing this is because as the leaves steep they unfurl, which can look like writhing, but I can’t rule out the possibility that people just felt rather sorry for leaves that were getting boiling water poured on them.
Here’s another important point people don’t know about: brewing time matters. For black tea, you are going to want to brew it for three to five minutes. It’ll be bitter if you oversteep. So you can set a timer, or keep an eye on the clock.
I actually use the microwave clock, but I did want to show off that I totally have a pocketwatch.
Perhaps you’re bored with all this waiting around. Hey, you’ve got three to five minutes! Perfect amount of time to assemble some tea seasonings!
Popular additives to Earl Grey include milk, half-and-half, cream, sugar, lemon juice, and/or honey (ETA: I have had several people suggest that I add you should never put lemon and a dairy product into the same cup. I thought this went without saying, but just in case, for god's sake don't do it. It is an unpleasant experience.) I like a little splash of milk (I don’t like half-and-half or cream; too thick) and one cube of sugar. The list of things you put in tea can get pretty varied, though. Russians are willing to dump in jam. In Tibet, people add butter. BUTTER. The rule seems to be that anything you put on toast, you can put in tea.
If you want milk, you’re supposed to put it in before you pour the tea—some kind of rule about how it will affect the milk. I don’t always do this, because I don’t notice a difference, and because I like to pour milk in and watch it fwoosh around. (ETA:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
firinel suggests an explanation that sounds more likely to me than "you will scald the milk": putting it in first cooled small Chinese cups so they wouldn't crack with the heat of the tea itself when it was poured in; there is no need with big old mugs, though the tradition remains. Makes sense to me.)
Okay! So your timer has dinged, or you’ve kept track of the clock, and it’s three to five minutes later. While you were keeping an eye on the clock, you set up your mug with the little strainer your mom bought to strain the pulp out of your orange juice when you were little because you were picky. Now pour the tea through the strainer into the cup!
Tea leaves look sorta neat afterward. You can dump them now; their job is finished. I wouldn't give them another thought; you probably don't have The Grim anyway. Right?
If you want to add some of that stuff up there, go for it. Even if not, you have yourself a Proper Cup Of Tea.
Hoo! That was definitely more complicated than the microwave. Don’t worry, it gets easy and kinda fun with practice, and it only takes as long as it did here because I had to stop and take photos. Anyway wow, that stuff in the mug looks and smells pretty damn good, doesn’t it? Perhaps these tea snobs aren’t so crazy after all!
Glad you think so. Now, if you’ll excuse me …
I believe I'll have a spot of tea.
*Although at this moment, if you google “teaspoon,” the second hit is a bit of a digression, methinks.
Featuring: Her New Silly Teapot
This is a tea kettle.
Tea snobs make a big hairy deal out of this thing, saying that it’s so damn much better than a microwave, it’s the only proper way to make tea, it’s actually God’s current incarnation on Earth, etc.. “Oh, tea snobs,” the non-snobs think, “what is wrong with the microwave? It gets the water just as hot.”
Yes. But my friends, there is more to tea than hot water. And that is why a scene like this makes a good tea snob bury their face in their hands:
“But what more is there?” I hear you cry. Ah, my friends, you don’t know the half of it. To make a real cup of tea, here’s what you need:
Wait, wait! Don’t run screaming yet! I know this looks complicated, but do not fear, for I am with you. And as an avid Proper Sort Of Tea Drinker once said in large, friendly letters,
DON’T PANIC
We will get through this.
A bit of background to start you out: Equipment for brewing varies some across cultures around the world—tea kettles, for example, are a lot simpler setup than, say, a samovar—but brewing rules are usually about the same. The catch? Brewing rules differ depending on whether the tea is black, green, white, or oolong (all leaves from the tea plant; treatment and time of harvest determine the type) or some technically-not-tea infusion like rooibos or any other herbal tisane. However, we’ll stick to black tea today, since it’s the one Westerners are most familiar with and more likely to drink.
Now, is the teapot necessary for making one lousy cup? No.
The teapot is a handy way to make enough tea to share with your friends,
but you can just as easily make a cup with one of these, or one of those fancy contraptions marketed nowadays for the snob on the go.
Yes, that’s a teabag in there. I have nothing really against teabags (although I recommend against using it as a verb. This has not stopped the Republican party). I really like some teas that I only get in bags, like Lady Grey or Constant Comment.
However, there is definitely a difference between bag tea and loose leaf. It’s not very difficult to tell. Here are the contents of one Stash Earl Grey teabag next to Peet’s brand Earl Grey loose leaf. Guess which is which.
And hey, as long as Earl Grey is familiar, let’s use that for this demonstration of fancypants hoity-toity highfalutin complicated brewing, shall we?
So. Here’s how you turn that little can into a delicious brew.
Start with that kettle again. Put some water in it. Real snobs only want you to put in fancy springwater that melted off a comet or something. If you can’t get that then you can always blaspheme with some tapwater.
There it is on the stove, heating along. You don’t have to stare at it, but you do want to wait till it’s boiling. When it is, pour just a bit into your teapot. Note that your teapot does not have to be a silly one you painted yourself with planets and what looks like an alien twilight. That is optional.
Swirl that little bit of water around. Now pour it out.
Yes. You are pouring this water out. It was there to heat up the teapot so it won’t cool down too fast when the actual tea is in it. I have been known to skip this step.
Right, now put the kettle back on to boil. If your kettle “whistles,” which is what they call it except in all my kettles it’s actually an urgent hysterical shriek like your kettle is a tiny Dalek sitting on the burner or something, you’ll probably want to disable it or leave it off the burner until you are ready for boiling water. Some people say you shouldn’t leave the water boiling anyway.
Now you’re going to measure out the tea!
You ever wonder why it’s called a “teaspoon”? Me too. I used to think it was because it was about the capacity of one of those cute little swizzle-spoons you stir tea with, which are also called teaspoons. However, I also have discovered something amazing: a measuring teaspoon is about how much black tea you need to make one regular-sized cup.*
Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
Since I like a big mug, though, I usually heap on about half a teaspoon more. If you filled this teapot all the way, it would be five or five-and-a-half teaspoons. But I am only going to make enough for one cup, so, as the water is hitting its boil, here I go:
Now whip the kettle off and, as quickly as you can before it stops boiling, pour it in! (If you are at a high altitude, you can also swear a bit here because the boiling point is lower, but that’s optional.)
Cover your teapot.
There’s a weird, poetic term for what happens next: it’s called the “agony of the leaves.” I’m guessing this is because as the leaves steep they unfurl, which can look like writhing, but I can’t rule out the possibility that people just felt rather sorry for leaves that were getting boiling water poured on them.
Here’s another important point people don’t know about: brewing time matters. For black tea, you are going to want to brew it for three to five minutes. It’ll be bitter if you oversteep. So you can set a timer, or keep an eye on the clock.
I actually use the microwave clock, but I did want to show off that I totally have a pocketwatch.
Perhaps you’re bored with all this waiting around. Hey, you’ve got three to five minutes! Perfect amount of time to assemble some tea seasonings!
Popular additives to Earl Grey include milk, half-and-half, cream, sugar, lemon juice, and/or honey (ETA: I have had several people suggest that I add you should never put lemon and a dairy product into the same cup. I thought this went without saying, but just in case, for god's sake don't do it. It is an unpleasant experience.) I like a little splash of milk (I don’t like half-and-half or cream; too thick) and one cube of sugar. The list of things you put in tea can get pretty varied, though. Russians are willing to dump in jam. In Tibet, people add butter. BUTTER. The rule seems to be that anything you put on toast, you can put in tea.
If you want milk, you’re supposed to put it in before you pour the tea—some kind of rule about how it will affect the milk. I don’t always do this, because I don’t notice a difference, and because I like to pour milk in and watch it fwoosh around. (ETA:
firinel suggests an explanation that sounds more likely to me than "you will scald the milk": putting it in first cooled small Chinese cups so they wouldn't crack with the heat of the tea itself when it was poured in; there is no need with big old mugs, though the tradition remains. Makes sense to me.)
Okay! So your timer has dinged, or you’ve kept track of the clock, and it’s three to five minutes later. While you were keeping an eye on the clock, you set up your mug with the little strainer your mom bought to strain the pulp out of your orange juice when you were little because you were picky. Now pour the tea through the strainer into the cup!
Tea leaves look sorta neat afterward. You can dump them now; their job is finished. I wouldn't give them another thought; you probably don't have The Grim anyway. Right?
If you want to add some of that stuff up there, go for it. Even if not, you have yourself a Proper Cup Of Tea.
Hoo! That was definitely more complicated than the microwave. Don’t worry, it gets easy and kinda fun with practice, and it only takes as long as it did here because I had to stop and take photos. Anyway wow, that stuff in the mug looks and smells pretty damn good, doesn’t it? Perhaps these tea snobs aren’t so crazy after all!
Glad you think so. Now, if you’ll excuse me …
I believe I'll have a spot of tea.
*Although at this moment, if you google “teaspoon,” the second hit is a bit of a digression, methinks.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 01:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 12:54 am (UTC)We use a very large teaball in our one pot, that way it's not necessary to strain it as we're pouring, but since it's a very large teaball (it's in fact meant for adding herbs to soups, I believe) the loose leaf has enough room to unfurl properly. Our other pot has a built in strainer, so it's not an issue with that one, either.
Also, any tea snob that puts cream in any kind of tea ought be smacked - it's way too heavy, as you said, to be put in tea. It'll overpower the taste.
Putting the milk in first was a custom because in finer china, the tea of the tea could crack it. The milk in first would immediately cool the tea, thus making it less likely to crack the cup. With big honking mugs (which we also use) like yours, it's totally a non-issue. We prefer to put the sugar in first, pour the tea on, and stir - the added heat of the tea without milk helps dissolve the sugar, and then add the milk.
It's funny how something can seem to complicated to others, but once it's a nearly hard-wired part of your daily ritual, happens several times a day, including hours in which you are barely awake, it's just all muscle memory.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 01:03 am (UTC)I haven't tried the Giant Herb Ball in my teapot--I don't even know if it'd fit. I have to confess, I kinda like using the strainer.
When I first tried making tea this way years ago, it was a bit daunting, but now I can slam out a cup of tea in about ten minutes. On the other hand, how to obtain coffee from a coffee-maker is a complete mystery to me (never cared to learn), so I can see how people would think tea was an eldritch secret--but on the THIRD hand, I have to point out that if they can do coffee, they can probably do tea.
Out of curiosity, how does an electric kettle simplify things?
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Date: 2009-04-15 12:56 am (UTC)I am too lazy for loose leaf most of the time, but I do love me some black tea.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 01:14 am (UTC)Yeah, if I'm feeling less like committing I'll do it the easy way, but there's something relaxing about the full ritual.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 01:21 am (UTC)I need to show this post to everyone who ever hosts me, because I have given up and will just drink coffee rather than suffer tea that someone not-me has prepared.
Also, the ninja turtle tea-party guest undid and slayed me. WIN.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 01:38 am (UTC)I had one friend give me the microwaved tea bag treatment. She even put the milk in before she put the mug in the microwave. And it was LIPTON. THE HORROR.
Donatello's expression makes me giggle every damn time I look at him. I only regret that this time Oscar Wilde and Captain Jack Harkness couldn't join him and Hank.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 01:57 am (UTC)1) Does tea that is made like this actually have, you know, A FLAVOR? This is my single biggest gripe against the non-snobby version, that the overwhelming sensation is simply that of drinking warm water (with a SLIGHT aftertaste). I would imagine it would, but, you know, I figured that I would asked before I went through even the slightest effort.
2) Now, you said that you sometimes use bagged teas--do you slice it open, dump it out, and follow the same procedure? Your photos kind of imply that. If not, please describe the differences that need to be made.
I'm sure that if this is even remotely successful in changing my mind about the drink than I'll be pestering you with twenty zillion more questions, but for now I'll leave it at that. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 02:26 am (UTC)Also, there is a sencha (green tea) which I hardly ever have time to attempt to brew properly, as it involves boiling water and then cooling it down to a certain temperature and I just don't have the patience for that, but it tastes light and fresh and sweet and sort of melon-y. And it's just a straight tea.
I can't speak to
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Date: 2009-04-15 02:06 am (UTC)http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/96bb/
I'm a fan of rooibus, myself, probably because I caffienate in the morning with coffee and want my tea to be a nice calm beverage.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:25 am (UTC)Actually, you may want to do pu-erh. I'm not so hot at it.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 02:33 am (UTC)However, wait, what? Do people... actually microwave cups of water with the teabag IN? Really? At least my family has always had the sense to add the teabag after the water is heated in the mug, even if the method of heating is the microwave.
Distracted by horror. I'll be joining the people adding this as a memory, because it is a lovely guide. Pictures make everything better! And make me crave a cup of tea myself.
Also, pocketwatch ENVY.
*is not coherent tonight*
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:28 am (UTC)And ... it was ... LIPTON! *strobe lights and castle thunder*
My friend is half-convinced I'm a Time Lord, but that is utterly preposterous, because my SISTER gave me this watch. It must be SHE who is the Time Lord.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 02:48 am (UTC)This is lovely. Though I will note that I skip the teapot between kettle and cup. I do warm the cup, though. (Milk also definitely goes in after. I use a quick-steeping Irish Breakfast (Barry's looseleaf, natch), and so I judge by colour, not time. Milk futzes with the colour.)
Also, do you mind if I link to this? It's rather brilliant.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 03:20 am (UTC)I tend to drink a lot of cold tea.
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Date: 2009-04-15 04:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-04-15 03:43 am (UTC)I still microwave occasionally (and not just to time steeping!), though not with the tea bag in there, I at least microwave and then bag... And these days try to watch the time on steeping, after a few unsavory moments.
I love iced Properly Made Tea best, though. Probably another aberration to some, but ahh.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:31 am (UTC)My newly discovered favorite, however, is iced jasmine green with lots of sugar and lime. It is probably an aberration unto the tea gods, but I don't care, it's goddamn DELICIOUS.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:01 am (UTC)We revamped our kitchen last May--yes, a year ago, and our tea kettle has been MIA since then. I've been wanting tea, but refuse to nuke the water. I've been tea-less....
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Date: 2009-04-15 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 05:19 am (UTC)This icon is relevant to this post.
Date: 2009-04-15 05:41 am (UTC)*wanders off to make tea*
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 05:51 am (UTC)Pocket Watches = Awesome. I had a cheap one for a while, but it died eventually. Need to get a proper one.
Also, on the milk before tea thing, if you are combining unequal quantities of liquids, they mix more quickly if you're pouring the greater amount into the lesser. I think that not destroying the fine china is probably the most important reason, but I could see this affecting things, too.
As always, you rock.
Date: 2009-04-15 06:10 am (UTC)I love teapots and teacups, even more than I like tea. No, I'm not entirely sure what that says about me.
So, this post hit one of my better buttons. And I learned a LOT about making tea.
I've done Constant Comment as one of my faves, but I frequently abuse it by microwaving the mug with the bag innit. On the other hand, I like green, and Earl Grey, and have even tried white, but so far only in bags. I've had the urge to make a decent cup of tea from loose leaf for some time, but wasn't sure how to go about it properly, and was too lazy to look it up on Google.
So. Thanks. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 06:54 am (UTC)In my experience tea is always made with a tea kettle, usually electric, and then steeped for the requisite amounts of time. I have to admit a fondness for mint teas with little bit of honey. Otherwise I never add anything.
Cheers,
CP
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 07:02 am (UTC)Yes, nobody here has any blasted idea how to make tea. Order hot tea in a restaurant and they generally bring you out a little pitcher of lukewarm water, a cup, and some tea bags and wander off while you go, "... What am I supposed to do with THIS?"
This is why so many people, Americans especially, feel that tea is almost tasteless and kinda bitter. If you ever get asked what's so great about tea, this is probably the reason.
(By the way, the Republicans, showing a firm grasp of the wherefores of history, are trying to re-stage a Boston tea party by mailing teabags to Congress and Obama and whoever's in charge because they may have to pay some taxes. They are calling this "teabagging the White House." I am not sure "teabagging" means the same over in your direction that it does over here, but I tellya, it's gotten reminiscent of Batman's Boner.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 08:47 pm (UTC)On the other hand, I've never seen one of those nifty little tea measuring spoons. Shall have to check that out next time I'm at a teashop.
I do admit that I cheat with plain black tea-bags, because I'm lazy; I squeeze them out against the side of the mug instead of letting them brew properly. ¬_¬
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 12:43 am (UTC)And yeah, I never quite got the microwave thing, but hotels round these parts leave you no choice, unless you want to rig the coffee-maker. It is very sad.
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Date: 2009-04-15 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 02:58 am (UTC)ridiculously late response, as usual
Date: 2009-05-01 08:49 pm (UTC)I tend to make tea by the single (if ridiculously large) mug, so I go more for bags than loose, and almost always skip the teapot. I did not know that the water should actually be boiling, though-- I tend to use mine a bit under. But then, I also like my teas and infusions very strong, so I let them steep longer, too.
A few notes:
1) You're cute as anything.
2) "The rule seems to be that anything you put on toast, you can put in tea"
*has a sudden terrible image of peanut butter in tea* Curry powder goes nicely on top of a plain black or green, though.
3) I like the pulp in my OJ! That's what makes it orangey.
4) Also on the subject of Things to Put in Tea, you might want to mention that one should NOT add both lemon and a dairy product to the same cup of tea. Doing so results in a sort of cottage-cheese tea which is technically drinkable but quite unappealing.
Re: ridiculously late response, as usual
Date: 2009-05-02 12:52 am (UTC)I bought a really nifty masala spice mix that was marketed as a tea additive in Zanzibar, but I never did get to try it, as it was a present for a friend.
I'd say to make a good strong cup of tea your best bet would be to go with two bags and a shorter steep time. But I do know people who like the bitterness, so.
Re: ridiculously late response, as usual
From: