Autobiographical Limerick: My Achilles Heel

[bloodyrosemccoy]

No Pants Day
Robert's Rules Day
Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Day - Israel)
Birthday - Dr. Benjamin Spock (pediatrician/author)

 

If I greet your request with defiance

One way to assure my compliance:

Say what you ask will discern

Something we need to learn.

Chances are that I’ll do it FOR SCIENCE!

 

If something may help further knowledge, I can be suckered into it pretty easily.  For example, if you are going to give me a pelvic exam* and tell me you’ve got a student who needs some practical experience and would it be okay if she came in and it’s totally fine if it isn’t, I am in charge and don’t think otherwise, I will give you the go ahead and wonder why you looked so terrified while you asked.  Even after this term’s study of the way modern medicine can be so invasive, I am the zen patient. Doctors are more nervous about my personal space than I am.

 

Comes from being the TMI Queen, I guess.

 

I am slightly cheeky about it, though.  When the doctor said, “I’m just going to be talking to this student, okay?” I replied, “Okay. Maybe I can even listen in!” Except I also provided a running commentary on what she was telling her student.

 

 

*I have got to stop setting myself up for surprise exams of this nature. This time it went: “Hello! I have symptoms! Can I get in to see someone?” “Sure. That’s the sort of thing we give you a nice pelvic exam for, so we will set up an appointment. How does RIGHT THIS INSTANT sound?”

Comments

[childthursday.livejournal.com]

surprise!Pelvic sounds like an interesting experience. You will now be that student's idea of what a normal pelvic exam will look like. I think that is amusing. Also, nice way to encourage a better bedside manner. I always stiffen up when I'm in that position.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Well, last year I got a surprise!Pap smear. (Appointment for something else turned into "As long as you're here ...") And yeah, I tend to put off doctors who are trying to be all professional and serious by trying to, you know, participate in my own exam. I commentate and make ridiculous faces and ask what's going on and check to see what tools are being used next.

I think most patients are nervous about the exams, and thus the doctors are, too. The professional demeanor assures the patient that the doctor is competent and is taking them seriously. It's just that some of us patients respond differently ...

[shadesofmauve]

and check to see what tools are being used next.

I mostly do this at the dental office, where there's the added bonus that "Hey, what's that thing you're about to stick in my mouth do?" comes out like "EEeyyy, ah a ing ooo?" which confuses the poor hygienist.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Really? I thought being able to understand somebody through a mouthful of frightening bladed machinery was an essential skill for dentists. All of my dentists have always at least pretended I was replying coherently.

[luinmir.livejournal.com]

I tend to be the zen patient, too. Especially in gyno appointments, since I think the typical patient is a lot more nervous about people messing with "down there". Unless they are doing something unexpectedly painful to me, (See also: biopsying my friggin' cervix.) I'm cheerful as anything to provide whatever information--physical or otherwise--they may need.

Then again, I think I may give you a run for your money as "TMI Queen".

[luinmir.livejournal.com]

By the way, you are totally facebook quoted.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

*takes a bow* Glad you like it!

Maybe I'll get THAT tattooed on my back instead: FOR SCIENCE!

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

Warning; post may contain TMI;
Funny story, but the last two times I had cervical smears; the first time it was done by a rather nervous trainee with no supervision who did it perfectly and was nice to me, and the second time it was done by a bitchy doctor who went ON and ON about her 'twenty years experience' and her 'medical integrity' (all I wanted was a renewal of my Pill prescription but she decided to give me a smear because of said integrity (this is why we avoid locums, they get bees in their bonnets)) and yet made me uncomfortable, and made me BLEED.

Forgive me, but doctors are not supposed to make you bleed internally and down there. That is bad. Anyway, I'd take another student any day, after that!

[shadesofmauve]

Your limerick is begging to be meta-d. May I?

Last time I had a student sit in in a pelvic exam, she was from Bulgaria, AND I kept making her giggle. Rather discomfited the doc.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Why, sure! Go for it.

Yeah, patients are apparently supposed to shut the hell up. "Quiet, you! The doctor is at work!" Or maybe they're just not used to patients who aren't hervous at the very mention of the unmentionables.

[shadesofmauve]

Done!

Taking an active interest in your own health and/or body just isn't expected (occasionally appreciated, but never expected). Bodies have, like, goo in them.

I cracked my ob-gyn up once by telling her that my work day had been so bad that I'd actually been looking forward to her and her speculum. It's really funny to watch a very professional person who's not sure whether or not it's okay to laugh.

[ursulav.livejournal.com]

I have that problem too. "For science, you say? Well, sure!"

...so far, only one boyfriend has actually learned and made use of this weakness...

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's like the secret access word that reveals my control panel. It would be easy for someone to use this information for evil. Or at least for some serious mischief. "Okay, she thinks this is an experiment. Now hand her the goldfish and the unicycle and let her go."

[catsinboxes.livejournal.com]

"FOR SCIENCE!" is my battle cry.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

You and Agatha Clay.

[queenlyzard.livejournal.com]

Anything but gyn exams for science! I'm all for the science, but the last pelvic exam I had did not go well. Fun(not!) way to find out that one's vulvidynia (spelling?) has returned: when attempted exam results in screams of "ow!" and back arching so hard I almost fell off the damn table. Dr. politely suggested I come back for an appointment with the specialist who has the kid-sized speculum. Oh hells no. Exam is creepy enough without that.