Blunt Force Drama

I dunno, you guys, the preschool ain’t like it used to be. Damaged kids are one thing, but putting together a bunch of damaged kids who also happen to cause damage seems like a bad idea. Especially for the other kids, who shouldn’t have to go to school worrying that they will get decked before the grownups can lunge in. The policies on what to do with kids has shifted, and I feel ineffective except in the area of wiping most of the glue off the ceiling or whatever.

I want to teach ’em some tae kwon do blocks. I’d probably get fired as a volunteer. But come on—sure, teaching kids to use diplomacy is one thing, but if another kid’s idea of a good opening of negotiations is to shriek at the top of their lungs while kicking and hitting, you’re gonna want some way to deflect possible blunt force trauma to the gut or head. Otherwise I think the whole attempt to cure anxiety issues is probably not going to work out.

And today we had grownup drama there as well. BECAUSE WE SURE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITH THE CHAIR-HURLING KIDS.

I may have to quit.

I’m off the hook there for Thursday, but this isn’t good news, as it’s an emergency visit to California to bid probable farewell to my last remaining grandparent, who is 91 and just had a heart attack. But more on that in a later post. I will say that, with the mess this has stirred up in Mom’s family—which is made up of 12 siblings—I may come back to the preschool with an entirely fresh perspective on things.

For now, I desperately need a nap.

The Latest In Things That Could Kill You

Yesterday, I was cooking some corn chowder and Mom was going over the computer news for the day.

MOM: Hey, check this headline out! The latest item on the List Of Things That Cause Cancer is tea!
AMELIA: Ah, well. I resign myself to being doomed.

But as always, there was more to the story when you click on the link. Like the time I saw a headline that said something like “HOT DOGS CAN TOTALLY CAUSE CANCER.” Turns out when you read the actual article that hot dogs can cause cancer if you eat something like six hot dogs every day for twenty years or something. At that point, I do not think cancer is really your main issue.

This time, it turned out that the catch was that tea causes cancer if you drink it straight out of the boiling kettle. “It’s very hot tea,” Mom reported. “Warm tea is okay. But tea drunk less than two minutes after boiling is the culprit.”

To which I indignantly replied, “You do not drink tea two minutes after it’s been boiling! You need to steep it longer than that, for crying out loud!”*

I have never been able to grasp the idea of those people who drink scalding hot beverages. My principle is that if it scalds my roommate’s skin when I accidentally pour it all over her hands (sorry, Liz), it probably does not do good things to the inside of one’s mouth or throat. Plus, it hurts, dammit. That should be about as common sense as not eating a hundred billion hot dogs,** or grasping the principle that sticking your hand in the toaster causes injury. Think, people.


*Unless it’s green or white tea, but in that case it shouldn’t have been boiling in the first place, dammit.

**Although a hundred billion hot dogs is awesome.