The Desert Mermaid

alietf: I wish a big strong bald dude would appear in my house every time I cleaned.  I’d make him do all the cleaning for me.

 

Amelia: I dunno if I want commercials to come true. I don’t eat breakfast at Burger King just in case.

 

“Hi, Josh! Are you up for a trip to the airport?  And some murder?”

 

Today’s quote brought to you by United Airlines, who got my luggage in a few hours after I arrived on Sunday, but declined to call me or in any way inform me—didn’t even put it on their bag-track website—until I called the airline on Monday afternoon to inquire about it. After which they promised to deliver it within six hours, and when they didn’t I had to call again and they promised to deliver it in six hours again, with the same results. And they wouldn’t give me the airport’s phone number, so each time I had to call their 800 line and go through their damn phone tree and then wait for a service representative to call the airport for me.

 

I snapped today, and Josh graciously took me to the airport and we made HULK SMASH type threats* until they gave up my bags, which they seem to have stored on the runway in the path of incoming planes all through the last rainy two days, judging by the wetness of the contents** and the way that 75% of the breakable things were broken.

 

I was glad I had politely inquired about the best place to send a somewhat strongly-worded letter. I would say that is justified. Actually, at this point I think murder by flaying is justified.  Followed by miraculous resuscitation. So that I can murder them again, with something that's on fire this time. But since the law doesn’t agree with me and I’m ostensibly passionately opposed to the death penalty, a furious letter is the best I can do.

 

 

*Josh is useful for this.  At 6’6”, he is a natural loomer.  It’s like having a siege engine handy when you’re storming a castle.  A rather friendly-looking siege engine, but a siege engine nonetheless.

 

**Unpacking quote: “This one is wet.  And this one is wet.  And this one is wet, and this one did you dry these in a rainforest why with all the power of the Death Star …”

“Can you imagine how annoying it must be to try to flush a toilet in the Myst universe?”

 

Today’s quote brought to you after a complicated process of pulling levers to align symbols in a sequence found in an old journal.  It took hours.

 

“… crouched down to pick up the cat when you fall asleep, losing a perfectly good opportunity to take off your clothes.”

 

Today’s quote brought to you by suddenly tuning into the restaurant patron sitting behind me. I dare you to come up with a fitting beginning to that sentence.  Go on, try it.

 

“Behold! A banana-flavored condom!”

 

Today’s quote brought to you by the fruits* of my study abroad orientation.  I couldn’t believe no one was picking up the free silly condoms people were handing out.  I always take the free condoms, even though I have yet to need one, because you never know and, well, they’re free.

 

 

*Har.

“How would you name six babies at once? I’d start by combing through baby name books and choose the Perfect Name, and then wind up giving the last few kids names like ‘Unicorn’ and ‘Popsicle.’”

 

Today’s quote is a conglomerate of a conversation by Liz and me while we watched the TLC Network’s show on this family with twins and sextuplets.  I admit, I’m a voyeur who likes TLC’s voyeur shows like this.  “This should totally be a series!” I said.

 

It is.

 

Booyah.

 

“Because everybody hates FUCKING CREASES ON THEIR PIE.”

 

Today’s quote brought to you by a Pillsbury pie crust commercial.  Apparently Liz is not thrilled with folded crusts.

 

“I don’t think anyone would object to a ninja Jesus.”

 

Tonight’s quote brought to you, somehow, by the Chronicles of Narnia.

 

 “What’s the opposite of ‘deciduous’?”

“’Insidious.’”

 

Today’s quote brought to you by the tiny artificial Christmas tree hanging from our ceiling for some reason. Really, it made sense at the time.

 

“It’s like my hormones just punched me in the crotch!”

 

Today’s quote brought to you by a strong, crazy fangirl feedback loop. It’s fun to get together with everyone again.