Tremble Before My Army

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I like to read other people’s profile pages. It gives me a good sense of who they are. But I’ve noticed that a lot of the time I have trouble keeping track of who’s who in people’s actual blogs, and I sometimes wish there were a handy list of frequent characters in a blog. Then I realized that this could apply to me as well, and so I decided that I would do a list, to be linked from my profile, of the dramatis personae in this thing, just to keep everybody straight. And so I give you:

Dramatis Personae

Being a List of the assorted Nuts and Whackos who associate with the Author

 

The Author and her Demons

 

Amelia, Amuddya, Mia – The Author

 

The Shoulder Bureaucrat; The Left Hemisphere – The Author’s obsessive-compulsive tendencies; order and regulation

 

The Shoulder Hippie; The Right Hemisphere – The Author’s zen qualities; whimsy (has not been heard from in years)

 

Amelia’s Evil Subconscious – Batshit insane part of the Author which tends to wait until she is asleep and helpless and then present her with ridiculous images, which cross over into her waking life. Sometimes nicknamed “Xiko” for reasons too complicated to get into here.

Fukitol – The Author's happy pills.  Does battle with the evil forces of clinical depression, but also includes an array of nasty side effects.  The Author cannot be bothered to keep track of which one she is currently trying out, so instead she has lumped them all under this title, inspired by a bit of Robin Williams' stand-up.

 

The People In The Author's Head – Subjectivity being what it is, this could include everybody in the world. But let’s stick with the many characters the Author creates for stories, who all play a larger part in her mind than she’d care to admit.

The Author’s Family

 

Wisdom Mother; Mom – Alternately raised Catholic and hippie. Settled somewhere in between. Will do anything from quilting to garage painting. The most sensible person in the world on practical matters. Author gets along well with her, but does tend to assign too much weight to anything she says. Gave the Author all her zen qualities; kept a lot of the neuroses herself.

 

The Dichotomy of Dad – Stereotypically in the very top category of intelligence. Exceedingly competent in his field, where he is a respectable doctor. At home, enjoys slapstick and wicked puns. Gave the Author a healthy dose of smart and a less healthy dose of total obsessive-compulsion.

 

The Dude – Author’s brother. Looks so much like the Author that they have been asked if they are “identical twins.” In reality, he is 18 months younger and of a different sex, but has a lot in common with the Author. Likes video games, cooking, bunnies, Tae Kwon Do, Batman, and Looney Tunes.  Graduated from the Colorado School of Mines and is looking for a job in electrical engineering.  For some reason, small creatures and children under 5 years of age adore him unconditionally.

 

妹 (Japanese for “little sister,” written in the Roman alphabet as imōto or imouto.); Claire; sunshine_shaman – Obviously, Author’s little sister. Is an elf where the Author is a hobbit. An elf with pizzazz. Is possessed of a startlingly dry, penetrating sense of humor. Writes space opera and is trying to survive college in Salt Lake City. Has the most personality of anyone the Author knows. Can also have impressive histrionics when necessary.

 

Aunt – There are a lot of these, but usually this refers to Mom’s older sister who lives in town. Lovely lady; enjoys doing things with her sister’s kids. Complimentary and funny, although sometimes she pokes too hard.

 

The Rest Of The Family – There sure are a lot of people the Author is related to.

The Author’s Crazy Friends

 

Liz – Author’s friend, former roommate, and fraudulent fianceé. Likes to doodle fascinating creatures in her art history notes, and can apparently draw photorealism, for which reason the Author holds her in awe. Likes ghoulish things like bugs and autopsies. Has a sense of humor at least as warped as the Author’s, even though as a ginger kid she technically has no soul.  Never updates her website; may have in fact ceased to exist.

 

Emily; Lychee; lycheetwist– Author’s other close friend in college. Also a better artist than the Author, whose default icon she drew. Smarter than she gives herself credit for; quick, witty, and surprisingly brash for a former Good Little Catholic Schoolgirl. Somehow knows the price of everything. One of the very, very few people who the Author can hang out with on a regular basis with neither going any crazier than they were to begin with.

 

Josh; Death; mile_high_death – Author’s friend from school, a genuinely nice guy. Plans to be a director. Knows more about movies than even the Author, and has them all in his room. Tried to flee to Los Angeles for a time, but didn't like it and came crawling back to the Pacific Northwest to finish degree in Eugene. Now on to film school as part of his master plan to find out if the Oscar trophies are really made of chocolate.  Is also Emperor of Denver.

 

Heather – The Author would have to estimate, conservatively, that Heather is the best person in the world. Musical genius, but more to the point the sweetest, most genuine person the Author has ever met. Is also the person for whom literature has the most meaning; Shakespeare can move her like no one else. Rarely gets angry, but knows exactly what she thinks of any situation.

 

Aspen; gondolinchick01, acrossthelake  – Author’s intellectual, offbeat friend from high school drama class. Can quote Yeats like the Author can quote Dave Barry. Well-versed on a number of eclectic subjects and fun to talk to. Has incredible abilities with foodbending; now leveling up to studying English lit in actual England.  More emotional than other people suspect her to be. Cooler than she suspects she is.

 

Ally – Molly’s friend. Always available for a fanspaz. Writes stories with more success than the Author, and enjoys fantasy series and some anime. Plays video games with great feeling. Likes vampires and crotchety robotrucks.

 

Molly – Ally’s friend. Of all the Japanophiles the Author knows, Molly is probably the most successful at actual Japanese. Opinionated, open, and considered unbelievably cool by nerds at cons.  Because she is.  Enjoys decorating her room in bright colors and sometimes laundry. Also may have ceased to exist.

 

Eric – The Author’s friend, who started out as a fellow Japanese student and then fellow ceramics student. Now part of the CSI Night Brigade, although whether he's actually seen CSI is a moot point.

Rhiannon; chibicharibdys  – A much more prolific writer than this Author, and more motivated.  Got the Author going to a writers' group for a while, until distance happened.  Has a thing for giant robots and puts up with Author's wailings and moanings about that damn creative process.

Animals and Allergies

Charlotte Doyle; Charlie; Chuck; Tweety; Princess; Squeak; etc. – Author’s cat. Small, squeaky, and alternates between Lassie-like intellect and complete daftness. Ruthless carnivore. For some reason, was very good friends with Huckleberry. (see below) The only person the Author knows who actually speaks entirely in punctuation marks.

 

Fern; Ferndog; Furball; Lioness, Muppet; Moaning Myrtle; etc. – 妹’s cat. Depressive and misanthropic. Junkie. Can be very sweet if she decides to hang out with you. Adores the Dude and Mom; hates everybody else, including her sister (Charlie). Enjoys helping humans with Tae Kwon Do forms or push-ups; adores TV. Sleeps in the hall closet.

 

The Ghost of Huckleberry; Huck; Wabbit; etc. – The Dude’s bunny, who lived for ten years before finally just giving up the ghost. Lived in the washroom and liked to sort laundry. Had a major attitude and would sit on your foot until you gave her treats—would kill for Thin Mints. Chewed computer cords and beat up small dogs. Would cuddle with the Dude and Charlie. Will be missed.

 

The Ghost of Alpine; Piners; Bird; Spike; Eggnog; Noggers; etc. -妹’s budgie. Lived in the nexus of our house. Loved to cook and will sing along as we do it. Spoke several languages, including parakeet, chickadee, scrub jay, magpie, computer keyboard, microwave, and whistle. Reproduced, often, Galileo's experiments with gravity.  We loved her.

Anthropomorphized Miscellanies in the Author’s Life

 

The Blue-Rose – Author's be-stickered laptop, which stores mostly music and way too many images the Author likes, the latter of which form a slideshow screensaver famous in at least two states.  Capable of great feats of computation.  Author uses it mainly to wander the internet and write bad stories.

 

The iPatch – Author's new iPod, after the (final) death of her previous undead iPod, Zombie Howard.  Contains an enormous number of pirate songs, Pixar shorts, every Rifftrax short known to man, and an embarrassing amount of superhero cartoons.  Editorializes at the end of most of the Author's entries with the random music injected into her ears.  Covered in pirate stickers and has a Pirate Playlist.
 

The Roommates – Author’s 18-inch vinyl dolls, sometimes joined by guests from 妹’s storage. They include: Molly McIntire, Amber, Laurel, Loke, María, Summer, Kyouko, Hweiso, Daja, Danny, and Kuen. Author can while away happy hours making them poorly sewn clothes, dressing them up, performing maintenance, and making them accessories so they'll look adorable when they get all set up. Take up two of the Author’s five bureau drawers, a whole closet bay, and about two square meters of the Author’s Treehouse room. Author finds nothing wrong with this.

Places of Interest

Salt Lake City – Author’s hometown.  Author is now compelled to add that she is not Mormon, since this is the first thing she is asked by anyone who knows she is from Utah.  Beautiful place, dry, high altitude, desert, huge sky, vast city below. Situated on the edge of what is basically the World’s Biggest Tub O’ Sea Monkeys.  Has four seasons. Difficult to drink coffee, or tea here without getting That Look.  Warning: breathing too hard can cause nosebleeds.

 

The Treehouse – Author’s main base of operations, where Author’s family lives. Built onto the side of a mountain, so what is the first floor in front is the second floor from the back of the house. Would have a great view of the Salt Lake Valley from the back deck, except that tons of trees have grown up to wave their leafy branches into our supposedly ground floor window and shade the deck and make it feel like a treehouse. Author is, of course, allergic to these trees.

 

Eugene – Where the Author attended school.  Very different from Salt Lake City in culture, and also humidity.  Full of hippies. The Author likes it a lot for that.

 

University of Oregon – That school in Eugene.  Big and liberal, and full of whack jobs who walk around in clothes that would get run out of Utah. Tries to be diverse but isn’t very good at it. Owned by ducks—actual ducks—as far as the ducks themselves are concerned. Has a wonderfully offbeat linguistics department.  Difficult to eat a cheeseburger here without getting That Look.

 

The Fortress of Terror – Author’s (sometimes auxiliary) base of operations. Contains many of the Author’s weird personal effects. The Fortress has moved about over the years; currently is the Treehouse.  Needs more room for posters.

Mombasa – The Author got some crazy idea and went to Kenya for study abroad, and spent four months on the coast.  It's hot and humid, unlike Utah at all.  It's also full of crazy people.  Not very different from anywhere else in that respect.

And there are the very, very basics.  The rest … you’ll just have to work that out yourself.

Comments

[luinmir.livejournal.com]

This is a very good idea. I will get right to work on a list of my own!

[chibicharibdys.livejournal.com]

Hm, if I had half your wit...

I'd be wittier. Yep.

We should get together sometime and do interesting things. I've been thinking of starting a writing group to go together with the magazine-- would you be interested? Oh, our website (the magazine's) is almost up. Hurrah.

P.S. Liz is right; bugs are awesome.

[(Anonymous)]

Yay Bugs!
~Liz

And she's right, I never update anything anymore.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

We totally should! I'd be interested; maybe THAT will finally motivate my lazy ass.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wastrel/]

That was entertaining and informative. Thank you. :>

[kittikattie.livejournal.com]

I just saw this. I should make my own. Thanks for the idea (of sorts).

[sylvidoptera.livejournal.com]

This is an excellent idea... I need to implement it immediately, since I yap like mad about various and sundry. :)

Also... this?

The Bhelliom – Author's shiny new tablet laptop

Gave me the glee. Blue Rose! Do you have to don the rings to use it, or has your relationship evolved past such contrivances? :)