bloodyrosemccoy | "Gross" And "Public" No Longer Look Like Words

Yesterday's first patient did something spectacularly, monumentally gross.

And I'm not talking about the psychological sort of grossness where you come across a particularly horrific Tumblr account, or realize that the creepy old man over there is undressing someone (possibly you) with his eyes. For that, yes, you want brain bleach.

No, this was just straight-up GROSS. Physically, viscerally, unhygienically gross. The kind of thing for which you need ACTUAL bleach.

Well, and also brain bleach. Which is why I am not elaborating on the specific details of the incident.

Now, my first inclination is to feel sorry for everyone involved, including the patient. You know, these things happen to everyone, alas it must be so embarrassing, etc.. I felt bad for her right up until I found out the full details of the incident. Why's that? I'm glad you asked! You, however, probably are not!

I'm sure everyone has had a day like this. Picture it: you're cruising along, minding your own business, and suddenly, without consulting you, your body does something gross. It's not your fault. Bodies do that. But now here you are, in the aftermath of one of those unfortunate but non-threatening meatsack malfunctions.

Here are the two things I would expect you to think at that exact moment, depending on your scenario:

1. "Fuck. Well, thank god I'm not in public. Better clean this up."
2. "Fuck, I AM in public! I'd better slink off and get unpublic fast so I can clean this up!"

You'll notice that nowhere in this range of possible thoughts did I include "Fuck. Oh, well! I have an appointment with the lumbar surgeon! No time to clean this up! Now, to step into public!"

I didn't include it because HOLY SHIT, HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT IS AN OPTION?

So here is a PSA, for those of you who apparently didn't get the memo the first time around: if something nasty but non-life-threatening occurs, leaving you awash in your own filth, please do not hesitate to RESCHEDULE YOUR GODDAMN APPOINTMENT. Sometimes it is perfectly acceptable to break a commitment. Seriously, your doctor won't mind.

So! It's been an interesting week at the office already! Especially because Mom'n'Dad were also seriously considering that a completely DIFFERENT crazy patient was going to bust in and force a third crazy patient to help reenact a Grosse Point Blank-type shootout yesterday. I am still trying to decide which would be preferable, myself.