Based On A True Story

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I hereby submit this as an alternative lyric for “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,”* where the players are no longer Wolf and Mouse,** but rather Human and Cat.

I really can’t stay.
But Fluffy, it’s cold outside.
I’ve got to go ‘way.
Oh, fuzzball, it’s cold outside.
I’ve already slept
This blanket is wrecked
Sixteen straight hours
All during which we had snow showers

There’s birds huddled up in the trees now
You’d better just let them tease now
I could spread around some feathery gore
Tonight it’s supposed to snow more
Just turn the knob for me please now
You know that you’re gonna freeze now
Being inside is such a terrible bore
No way I’m gonna open this door

It’s only a storm
That's like three feet of snow
My fur keeps me warm
It’s, what, 20 below?
I could kill me some mice
They’re all solid ice
And I gotta poop
Just use the box; I’ll get a scoop

I plan to sit and stare at you, hopin’
You seriously want this door open?
Looking sadder than if somebody died
I warned you, cat. I totally tried.
I’m going out now—
Hey wut it’s COLD OUTSIDE!
JESUS IT’S COLD! OUT! SIDE!


*A song I almost categorically hate. When James Taylor and Natalie Cole sing it, it’s a nice jazzy bit of banter between two longtime on again-off again friends. Every other version sounds like it’s going to end with a sleazy defense attorney trying to convince a jury that his client was under the perfectly understandable mistaken impression that Rohypnol was an integral part of a martini.

**No, really. That song gets creepier the more you learn about it.

Comments

[guestyperson.livejournal.com]

to be fair to the composer, the song was written about 20 years before rohypnol was first synthesised, so "what's in this drink" was more along the lines of "gee whiz, this is delicious! you must tell me how to make it!" and he and his wife always thought of it as "their song" in which she was being deliberately coy and all "what would the neighbours think" in order to tease but with every intention of staying.

in the composer's original interpretation, the "mouse" has all the power and is only saying "no" to have fun

[carmy-w.livejournal.com]

Interesting.
In all the versions I've heard, it came across more like "Did you mix all this vodka/rum/whiskey with ANYTHING AT ALL??"

Which leads to the same problem as the drug, but at least is more detectable.... :(