Based On A True Story

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I hereby submit this as an alternative lyric for “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,”* where the players are no longer Wolf and Mouse,** but rather Human and Cat.

I really can’t stay.
But Fluffy, it’s cold outside.
I’ve got to go ‘way.
Oh, fuzzball, it’s cold outside.
I’ve already slept
This blanket is wrecked
Sixteen straight hours
All during which we had snow showers

There’s birds huddled up in the trees now
You’d better just let them tease now
I could spread around some feathery gore
Tonight it’s supposed to snow more
Just turn the knob for me please now
You know that you’re gonna freeze now
Being inside is such a terrible bore
No way I’m gonna open this door

It’s only a storm
That's like three feet of snow
My fur keeps me warm
It’s, what, 20 below?
I could kill me some mice
They’re all solid ice
And I gotta poop
Just use the box; I’ll get a scoop

I plan to sit and stare at you, hopin’
You seriously want this door open?
Looking sadder than if somebody died
I warned you, cat. I totally tried.
I’m going out now—
Hey wut it’s COLD OUTSIDE!
JESUS IT’S COLD! OUT! SIDE!


*A song I almost categorically hate. When James Taylor and Natalie Cole sing it, it’s a nice jazzy bit of banter between two longtime on again-off again friends. Every other version sounds like it’s going to end with a sleazy defense attorney trying to convince a jury that his client was under the perfectly understandable mistaken impression that Rohypnol was an integral part of a martini.

**No, really. That song gets creepier the more you learn about it.

Comments

[full-metal-ox.livejournal.com]

Out of curiosity, has anyone ever recorded a version in which the woman is persuading the man to stay? (I've ransacked YouTube without success.)

[sylvan-dweller.livejournal.com]

With Zooey Deschanel waking the "wolf" part: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iigfts-sJFg

With Miss Piggy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EJ1SBAO1HU (Actual song at 1:30ish)

(I just had to find out)

[full-metal-ox.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that expansion of my cultural horizons--and Miss Piggy would of course seize the romantic initiative like a pig descending on a truffle patch.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Thank you! The first thing I thought after reading the Wikipedia article on the song was that I wanted to hear the She & Him version, since I rather like what I've heard from M. Ward.

Still creepy, and Zooey's voice doesn't really work for those lines at that speed.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I had completely forgotten the Miss Piggy version of the song. And now I want to watch all of the Muppet Show again.

[sofish-sasha.livejournal.com]

Yes:

[full-metal-ox.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the link--it looks as though you and sylvan_dweller arrived at the door neck-and-neck.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

According to the Wikipedia article, in the movie in which it first appeared, it was sung twice by two different couples: one with the man as Wolf and woman as Mouse, and one the other way around.

[valantis.livejournal.com]

There's this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAAknQhPCDw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAAknQhPCDw)

Starts man persuading woman, but then something happens between verses and roles switch.

[bradhicks.livejournal.com]

It needs to be something like Bea Arthur and Justin Bieber, to really convey the horror of it.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Oh good lord. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to sleep again without that imagery ambushing me in my dreams ;)

[bradhicks.livejournal.com]

I have a third-dan black belt in "inappropriate mental image."

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I'm generally no slouch in that department myself, but wow! That one was brilliantly done!