Scenes from Mouseland
Oct. 18th, 2011 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodyrosemccoyThe first thing I found out about Disneyland was possibly the weirdest, too: I have never been there, and yet I knew my way around. No, it’s not some eerie “I’ve been here before” feeling, neither. It’s because I’ve freaking played Epic Mickey. Turns out the areas in that game weren’t just kind of inspired by Disneyland—they actually matched the layout of Main Street, New Orleans Square, Tomorrowland, etc.. It was … kinda strange, frankly.
ME: I have this overwhelming urge to squirt paint everywhere.
MY BROTHER: Me too. At least we aren’t trying to use thinner.
ME: Unless we get ambushed by that rocking Phineas and Ferb truck again. I am totally willing to melt them.
---
My Favorite Spot, Unsuprisingly, Was Tomorrowland
ME: Innoventions! Dream House! I AM SO THERE!
MY BROTHER: Engineering stuff!
MY SISTER: *sad puppy eyes* Rides?
ME: THE FUTURE!
*we explore the carousel Dream House, brought to you by innovative companies of THE FUTURE buy their stuff!*
ME: Dig! Bedrooms! Of THE FUTURE!
MY BROTHER: Kitchen! Of THE FUTURE! … But where are the cake-baking robot hands?
ME: Impractical computer screen dining room table! Of THE FUTURE!
EXASPERATED CAST MEMBER: You guys realize that all this technology is available now, right?
ME: And you realize this means we’re LIVING in The Future, right?
Cast Guy was not amused. Fortunately, later we found an enthusiastic Cast Girl who was all over Living In THE FUTURE, so that’s okay.
---
I kept getting drawn toward this thing. Not to ride it, just because it’s pretty. Hundertwassery, even!
---
Now, since LucasArts and Disney are BFFs, there’s a harsh truth one must accept about the park: at some point, your ass WILL get whacked by a lightsaber. And when I say “your ass,” I mean “my ass.” And when I say “my ass,” I mean “MY ACTUAL ASS.” Some enthusiastic young Padawan was swinging his new lightsaber around, because it’s a lightsaber dammit, and somehow it got away from him and full-on collided with my backside.
ME: Can I help you?
PADAWAN’S MOM: OMG I AM SO SORRY MA’AM BILLY QUIT WAVING THAT THING AROUND AND APOLOGIZE TO THE LADY
ME: Yeah, Billy! Apologize!
PADAWAN: mrblwrglsorry
ME: And put your shoulder into it next time.
PADAWAN: *blank stare*
PADAWAN’S MOM: You’re lucky, Billy. If she was someone else, you could be in Big Trouble.
ME: Yeah, Billy. But even if I were someone else, I should probably realize that WE’RE IN DISNEYLAND, packed end-to-end with wired-up uncoordinated children, and a plastic lightsaber bludgeoning is all part of the package.
---
Halloween At Dizney: Beware Of Orange Thing
SOME MOM: So, are you going to get lots of candy?
9-YEAR-OLD MINNIE MOUSE: I’m going to get ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND pieces of candy!
ME: Dang! Are you going to eat all of it?
MINNIE: Yeah! And I’m gonna do all the Halloween things, even Space Mountain! (solemnly) They changed it for Halloween, you know. There’s an orange thing.
ME: I saw that orange thing! It was pretty creepy, all right.
MINNIE: It’s okay. I’m just going to close my eyes at it.
SOME MOM: She’s been practicing by watching it on Youtube.
ME: That’s probably a good strategy.
MINNIE: No orange thing’s gonna get me.
ME: That’s right! You show that orange thing!
Other, less scary orange things:
I tellya, I’m coming back at Xmas someday. That shit must be CRAZY.
---
The Haunted Mansion Manic Holiday
ME: Good grief. I have never seen Halloween garlands that look gorgeous.
ME: But I am a bit troubled by the ominous Jack Skellington décor.
HOUSE: LA LA LA LA LALALA LA! THIS IS HALLOWEEN! GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS COME OUT TO SOCIALIZE! MAKING CHRISTMAS!
ME: What is this fuckery? This is not the Haunted Mansion! This is the inside of Tim Burton’s head!
MY BROTHER: I’m okay with that.
---
My sister wore this previously-acquired hat all week, making her darn easy to spot. There’s a sticker on the front with Peter Pan on it, which she touched up with a ballpoint pen at some point. The painstakingly written “FUCK YEAH” on it became a problem when we discovered that everyone in the universe wanted her hat. Guess they don’t make them anymore. They’d ask to examine it, and she always swept it off with a flourish so that her hand covered the sticker.
---
My linguist powers tell me this is a pretty straightforward cipher. Hell, if you cross your eyes, you can read it.
This was part of the Indiana Jones ride, which my sister's buddy insisted we go on. Turns out she had good reason. Dang what a fun ride.
---
ME: Say, what have we here? Looks like somebody went to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique.
SMALL PRINCESS: I did! And my fairy godmother helped me with my hair!
ME: That explains the sparkles, all right. Say, Dude, why don’t you go to the Boutique?
MY BROTHER: Because I’m wearing a hat.
ME: Nonsense. I for one completely support your transformation into Princess Sparklebeard.
MY BROTHER: Well, I would look good in a tiara.
---
A Very Late Birthday Present For My Brother
STORE GUY: I see you are interested in a collection of our fine Halloween-themed TOOTHPICK HOLDERS!
ME: Well, I didn’t get my brother a birthday present, so when his eye was caught by Monster Mickey and Witch Tinker Bell on these shot gla—
STORE GUY: —TOOTHPICK HOLDERS—
ME: —TOOTHPICK HOLDERS, he was all for them. He has a lot of toothpicks.
STORE GUY: Yeah, somehow toothpick storage is a particularly complex conundrum. A lot of folks keep coming back for more of these holders. *naughty grin* I just love that I sell these here in Toontown.
ME: Hang on. You realize you’re a few yards away from the Roger Rabbit ride, right?
STORE GUY: I’m wondering how long that’ll last. We never moved any Roger Rabbit merchandise. Kids don’t know about it.
ME: Probably that’s good news. But I dunno, Baby Huey seems to really enjoy lining up those TOOTHPICK HOLDERS.
STORE GUY: You have a point. … I see you also bought a Mickey shirt.
ME: I couldn’t find an Oswald one.
---
And, alas, that was my one regret for the trip. An Oswald shirt is even more elusive than a happy Donald shirt. But if that’s the one tragedy of the trip, then I’d say it was darn successful!
ME: I have this overwhelming urge to squirt paint everywhere.
MY BROTHER: Me too. At least we aren’t trying to use thinner.
ME: Unless we get ambushed by that rocking Phineas and Ferb truck again. I am totally willing to melt them.
---
My Favorite Spot, Unsuprisingly, Was Tomorrowland
ME: Innoventions! Dream House! I AM SO THERE!
MY BROTHER: Engineering stuff!
MY SISTER: *sad puppy eyes* Rides?
ME: THE FUTURE!
*we explore the carousel Dream House, brought to you by innovative companies of THE FUTURE buy their stuff!*
ME: Dig! Bedrooms! Of THE FUTURE!
MY BROTHER: Kitchen! Of THE FUTURE! … But where are the cake-baking robot hands?
ME: Impractical computer screen dining room table! Of THE FUTURE!
EXASPERATED CAST MEMBER: You guys realize that all this technology is available now, right?
ME: And you realize this means we’re LIVING in The Future, right?
Cast Guy was not amused. Fortunately, later we found an enthusiastic Cast Girl who was all over Living In THE FUTURE, so that’s okay.
---
I kept getting drawn toward this thing. Not to ride it, just because it’s pretty. Hundertwassery, even!
---
Now, since LucasArts and Disney are BFFs, there’s a harsh truth one must accept about the park: at some point, your ass WILL get whacked by a lightsaber. And when I say “your ass,” I mean “my ass.” And when I say “my ass,” I mean “MY ACTUAL ASS.” Some enthusiastic young Padawan was swinging his new lightsaber around, because it’s a lightsaber dammit, and somehow it got away from him and full-on collided with my backside.
ME: Can I help you?
PADAWAN’S MOM: OMG I AM SO SORRY MA’AM BILLY QUIT WAVING THAT THING AROUND AND APOLOGIZE TO THE LADY
ME: Yeah, Billy! Apologize!
PADAWAN: mrblwrglsorry
ME: And put your shoulder into it next time.
PADAWAN: *blank stare*
PADAWAN’S MOM: You’re lucky, Billy. If she was someone else, you could be in Big Trouble.
ME: Yeah, Billy. But even if I were someone else, I should probably realize that WE’RE IN DISNEYLAND, packed end-to-end with wired-up uncoordinated children, and a plastic lightsaber bludgeoning is all part of the package.
---
Halloween At Dizney: Beware Of Orange Thing
SOME MOM: So, are you going to get lots of candy?
9-YEAR-OLD MINNIE MOUSE: I’m going to get ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND pieces of candy!
ME: Dang! Are you going to eat all of it?
MINNIE: Yeah! And I’m gonna do all the Halloween things, even Space Mountain! (solemnly) They changed it for Halloween, you know. There’s an orange thing.
ME: I saw that orange thing! It was pretty creepy, all right.
MINNIE: It’s okay. I’m just going to close my eyes at it.
SOME MOM: She’s been practicing by watching it on Youtube.
ME: That’s probably a good strategy.
MINNIE: No orange thing’s gonna get me.
ME: That’s right! You show that orange thing!
Other, less scary orange things:
I tellya, I’m coming back at Xmas someday. That shit must be CRAZY.
---
The Haunted Mansion Manic Holiday
ME: Good grief. I have never seen Halloween garlands that look gorgeous.
ME: But I am a bit troubled by the ominous Jack Skellington décor.
HOUSE: LA LA LA LA LALALA LA! THIS IS HALLOWEEN! GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS COME OUT TO SOCIALIZE! MAKING CHRISTMAS!
ME: What is this fuckery? This is not the Haunted Mansion! This is the inside of Tim Burton’s head!
MY BROTHER: I’m okay with that.
---
My sister wore this previously-acquired hat all week, making her darn easy to spot. There’s a sticker on the front with Peter Pan on it, which she touched up with a ballpoint pen at some point. The painstakingly written “FUCK YEAH” on it became a problem when we discovered that everyone in the universe wanted her hat. Guess they don’t make them anymore. They’d ask to examine it, and she always swept it off with a flourish so that her hand covered the sticker.
---
My linguist powers tell me this is a pretty straightforward cipher. Hell, if you cross your eyes, you can read it.
This was part of the Indiana Jones ride, which my sister's buddy insisted we go on. Turns out she had good reason. Dang what a fun ride.
---
ME: Say, what have we here? Looks like somebody went to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique.
SMALL PRINCESS: I did! And my fairy godmother helped me with my hair!
ME: That explains the sparkles, all right. Say, Dude, why don’t you go to the Boutique?
MY BROTHER: Because I’m wearing a hat.
ME: Nonsense. I for one completely support your transformation into Princess Sparklebeard.
MY BROTHER: Well, I would look good in a tiara.
---
A Very Late Birthday Present For My Brother
STORE GUY: I see you are interested in a collection of our fine Halloween-themed TOOTHPICK HOLDERS!
ME: Well, I didn’t get my brother a birthday present, so when his eye was caught by Monster Mickey and Witch Tinker Bell on these shot gla—
STORE GUY: —TOOTHPICK HOLDERS—
ME: —TOOTHPICK HOLDERS, he was all for them. He has a lot of toothpicks.
STORE GUY: Yeah, somehow toothpick storage is a particularly complex conundrum. A lot of folks keep coming back for more of these holders. *naughty grin* I just love that I sell these here in Toontown.
ME: Hang on. You realize you’re a few yards away from the Roger Rabbit ride, right?
STORE GUY: I’m wondering how long that’ll last. We never moved any Roger Rabbit merchandise. Kids don’t know about it.
ME: Probably that’s good news. But I dunno, Baby Huey seems to really enjoy lining up those TOOTHPICK HOLDERS.
STORE GUY: You have a point. … I see you also bought a Mickey shirt.
ME: I couldn’t find an Oswald one.
---
And, alas, that was my one regret for the trip. An Oswald shirt is even more elusive than a happy Donald shirt. But if that’s the one tragedy of the trip, then I’d say it was darn successful!
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no subject
Date: 2011-10-20 07:00 am (UTC)It was an excellent time, indeed.