bloodyrosemccoy: (Random Sentences)
[personal profile] bloodyrosemccoy
The other day I suffered from Total Bra Blowout,* necessitating a trip to the mall (on Labor Day—a thing that should be avoided if at all possible). I’ve leveled up in Bra Size, apparently. The only thing to do was to buy a stack of new ones, including a purple one that I think is reinforced enough to count as “scaffolding” rather than “lingerie.”

And I tellya, it’s amazing how a new bra makes all the difference, by which I mean that it arranges things just so that my boobs are always in my visual field. They just lurk down there until I move, and then my survival instincts are like “WHOA WHAT’S THAT IS IT LIONS oh never mind it’s just the great prow of this vessel” and then I am all confused because my survival instincts have mixed their metaphors. It’s like when I get a haircut and spend the next few days jumping every time I pass a mirror.

Also, I hate it when people refer to breasts as “the girls.” The saleslady kept doing that and it was driving me bonkers. I anthropomorphize a lot of things, but boobs aren’t on the list.

Anyway, the most entertaining part of the actual buying was that Dad had come with Mom and me to the mall, and so in order to find us after buying whatever the hell he needed, he had to brave the Dillard’s Underwear Dungeon. He spent a lot of time muttering about the impossibility that all the bras around him would get sold. After all, how many women could there be in Salt Lake City?**

“Oh, they sell,” the saleslady assured us. “Why, I myself have a hundred bras!”

“All lined up in your closet?” I asked.

“In my dresser.”

“How do you even keep track?” Dad asked.

I think even without ladies like her skewing the average, though, there’s probably high turnover in the Underwear Dungeon. Total Bra Blowout can strike anywhere, at any time, and you’ve got to have somewhere to go when it does.


tl;dr



*Turns out buying all your bras at once leads to them all expiring at once. Damn.

**Insert obligatory Utah female-to-male ratio joke here.

Date: 2011-09-08 06:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] songfire3.livejournal.com
*dies*

Though to be honest, I absolutely hate shopping for bra's as well. Mostly because they never have anything affordable and not hideous in my size. *sigh*

Date: 2011-09-08 07:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] broken-moons.livejournal.com
Haha. I have a feeling I might be due a Total Bra Blowout any day now - several trusty specimens are performing sub-par, and I don't even need that much support.

Generally I like bra-shopping trips, and I always make sure to grab some ridiculous ones to try on for the lulz. Immensely cheering when it's difficult to find bras that fit right.

Date: 2011-09-08 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baby-rissa-chan.livejournal.com
I despise bra shopping. I wear a 34E, and almost no one sells anything in that size, much less anything cute and affordable. I own all of one bra in my size and one in a sister size that's not QUITE right but infinitely more affordable and does the job okay as long as I keep hiking up the straps all day long, and I'm dreading the day those give out and I have to shell out for more.

Date: 2011-09-08 01:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] van.livejournal.com
Ahahahaha. I like how, after you had a bra blow out because you bought all your bras at the same time, you went and bought another stack of them so you can experience the same thing in a few months/years. :D

Date: 2011-09-08 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] padparadscha.livejournal.com
It's a vicious cycle.
(deleted comment)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2011-09-09 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flameraven.livejournal.com
I've clearly spent too much time on psdisasters.com, because I look at those pictures and instantly see the photoshopping and it makes me cringe. D:

(The bras themselves do indeed look very high quality, although since I myself am a C, I don't have to worry so much about shopping.)

Date: 2011-09-08 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baby-rissa-chan.livejournal.com
It's officially your fault I'm getting new bras. I've never quite been able to justify the Bravissimo price, but the eBay price I can do.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2011-09-08 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baby-rissa-chan.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'm pretty sure these styles will work for me. They're similar to other things that've worked well in the past. Also, I made sure that all of the ones I'm picking up allow returns just in case the sizing isn't quite right so I'll be out a smaller amount of money if the bras just don't work out at all. I'm nervous but cautiously optimistic. It'd be nice to have something that fits that's not beige and utilitarian.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2011-09-08 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] origamicage.livejournal.com
Aren't the UK and US measurements different?

Date: 2011-09-09 11:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sesmo.livejournal.com
Don't say bad stuff about Valkyries. We have our own troubles. Not even Bravissimo can brave some vast tracts of land...

Date: 2011-09-09 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] squeeful.livejournal.com
I've never had a Bravissimo-approved brand (Freya, Fantasie etc.) not be true to size

Maybe it varies by size (fuck does Freya get weird once you go below a ~32 and/or above a GG), but, girl, are you in for a nasty surprise one day. They vary a lot. Like "this one should be a 34 and this one should be a 28" with bonus "oh fuck no are these the same cup size" for the same label size.

They're pretty, but Fantasie/Freya haven't figured out the small band sizes quite yet, such as adjusting the center point of the cup so your nipples aren't pointing out at the edge of your ribcage. For that, you want Ewa Michalak (http://www.ewa-michalak.pl/) (yes, it's in Polish, just click on the UK flag for English) Better constructed, cheaper, HELLO PLUNGE BRAS, and without the silly assumption that you need cup all the way around to your bank. Different sizing so check the sizing generator before you order.

Date: 2011-09-08 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] padparadscha.livejournal.com
I may look into this, but actually my purple scaffold bra is my FAVORITE new one! It's pretty AND reinforced.

Date: 2011-09-08 03:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cysfics.livejournal.com
Oh gods, I hate it when they call my breasts "the girls". I'm not a girl, why the hell would any part of me be a girl?!

Date: 2011-09-08 04:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] westrider.livejournal.com
For me, the total blowout phenomenon happens with Pants. At some point, I ended up getting a ton of pants at the same time, and now they all start falling apart at the same time.

Date: 2011-09-08 06:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] padparadscha.livejournal.com
I tend to wear one or two pairs of pants until they fall off, so I know what you mean.

Date: 2011-09-09 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] westrider.livejournal.com
Looking at my original comment again, it's potentially misleading. By "a ton", I mean 2-3 pairs at any given time. Usually with one "second best" pair around as well, so I can stretch my Laundry Cycle if I need to for some reason.

Date: 2011-09-08 05:00 pm (UTC)
shadesofmauve: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shadesofmauve
I really don't like anthropomorphising body parts. Especially body parts that just hang there.

That said, bra shopping always seems to be a bizarre experience. Last time I went I even discovered a bra that gave me cleavage! It must have pulled fat from my ass or something.

(I didn't buy it. It turns out that having your body resculpted in defiance of all laws of physics is kinda uncomfortable).

Date: 2011-09-08 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] origamicage.livejournal.com
I'm a 38D but due to a weird torso from hell, I have no cleavage. I wish I did, having an extra pocket looks useful! And I can't wear underwire without lots and lots of pain.

Date: 2011-09-08 09:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alicetheowl.livejournal.com
I never had cleavage until I let the ladies at Lane Bryant recommend something. Now I have three bras that make my husband's eyes fall out of his head. ^ v ^

Date: 2011-09-09 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] origamicage.livejournal.com
Tried there, still didn't work. Plus - I have sensory issues, major ones. People swear they are the softest bras they've had are LB. They are actually pretty rough and hurt me!

Date: 2011-09-09 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alicetheowl.livejournal.com
Soft? LB? Hmm. Some people, apparently, have no sensation in their boob skin. I don't wear them because they're comfy.

I am, apparently, not shaped the same way you are. The demi cups and the plunge bras smush my boobs to right where they need to be to get Josh's attention.

Date: 2011-09-09 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] origamicage.livejournal.com
I've tried tons of stuff. I'm beginning to think I have a mild version of Pectus carinatum that my boobs sort of cover up, my ribs are weirdly poking out for me being at this weight and the sternum is so 'raised' that underwire hurts.

Actually I think that's exactly what it is, I'm looking at the pictures of females with it on google and my chest/torso pretty much looks like that. Weird. Well, I guess I know what's wrong with me then!

Date: 2011-09-09 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alicetheowl.livejournal.com
That sucks. I know there's a good chance that, if I lose weight, I'll start to bruise when I wear underwires, because my ribcage protrudes. It happened with my first underwire, but went away as I started to gain weight (thanks, puberty!).

Date: 2011-09-09 12:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] origamicage.livejournal.com
I didn't wear underwires until I became a D, really. Sort of while I wore a C. At least there's wire free in D size, thank god. Hard to find though.

Date: 2011-09-10 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alicetheowl.livejournal.com
No kidding. I usually shop at the Bali/Hanes outlets. A lot of their 18-hour bras have no underwire. Weird thing is, I have to buy 2 cup sizes smaller than in every other style.

Date: 2011-09-09 05:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hollyqueen.livejournal.com
Have you ever tried www.decentexposures.com? I don't have a problem with underwire, but friends who can't stand it swear by DE.

Date: 2011-09-08 11:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gwalla.livejournal.com
They just lurk down there until I move, and then my survival instincts are like “WHOA WHAT’S THAT IS IT LIONS oh never mind it’s just the great prow of this vessel” and then I am all confused because my survival instincts have mixed their metaphors.
DYING LAUGHING

Date: 2011-09-09 12:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] westrider.livejournal.com
I should have mentioned that bit, too. I damn near literally fell out of my chair laughing.

Date: 2011-09-09 03:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] piccolo-pirate.livejournal.com
Damn, you beat me to it. I laughed so hard I accidentally smacked a bottle of water off my desk.

Date: 2011-09-09 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] michellerz.livejournal.com
There is almost nothing like a new bra, especially when you're a C or D cup and beyond.

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