And Don't Get Me Started On Cacao

[bloodyrosemccoy]

MY SISTER: Dinner was nice, but what about dessert? Anything good?

MOM: There’s cake mix in the pantry! You could make cookies or brownies or cake!

AMELIA: And if you cook the cake mix with a Super Shroom Shake you’ll get Shroom Cake, and it’ll restore 30 of your HP!

MY BROTHER: Dammit, you’re playing Super Paper Mario again.


I don’t know why, but I love the hell out of the stupid cooking feature of that game. I can’t really put my finger on it, but I think it distills one of my cherished beliefs: that cooking is MAGIC.

Okay, not quite, but something even better—a testament to human creativity. I mean, I can sort of understand how someone may have figured out that if you get the food hot for a while it becomes tasty and less likely to kill you from the inside, but on a larger scale, it’s baffling. Which one of us little monkeys figured out how to combine the food? How did they figure out how eggs relate to flour and water and oven heat? Who came up with flour? And what in god’s name led to the invention of cheese?* Was it deliberate trial (and error), or just some lucky accident?** And who thought their discovery was good enough to share it around to the point where it became common place?

There’s always a little of that going through my head when I crush some garlic or whip a cake mix or make some banana nut bread. Taking something necessary for survival and adding so many bells and whistles denotes a brilliance almost staggers me at times—as with so many of the things we humans do. It’s commonplace and everyday, but it’s amazing all the same.


*I firmly believe that my love of cheese renders any right I thought I had to point at other cultures and say that they eat WEIRD or GROSS food invalid. There is nothing more disgusting than cheese. I tried describing it to my host family in Kaloleni and they were with me as far as “Well, you start with some milk,” but after that they assumed decidedly Do Not Want expressions. Can you blame them?

**While discussing the origins of leavened bread, ironychan once theorized that a lot of great breakthroughs in cooking were probably precipitated by the words, “I dare you to eat that.”

Comments

[shadesofmauve]

Oh, wizard-of-gluten-free, tell this poor seeker-of-knowledge what to substitute for flour in a gluten-free birthday cake!

The new player in our D&D group is gluten intolerant, as we found out (suprise!*) as dinner was being served last week. Next week is the DMs birthday, and I'd really love it if *everyone* could eat the cake!

*Normally I'm good about asking about dietary restrictions, but I totally forgot, my boyfriend made delicious stew thickened with flour, we had delicious crusty bread... yeah. I scurried around and found her Emergency Taco Supplies, and all was well.

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

Betty Crocker is your friend.

Before cooking anything GF be sure and SCRUB the kitchen down, cross contanimation is what usually gets me. Some people aren't very sensitive, others ( like me ) can be done in by some toaster crumbs.

[shadesofmauve]

Thank you!

Luckily, or oddly, my kitchen is a fairly safe place for gluten intolerance, because I almost never bake and, I know this is very, very odd, but I don't really love bread. (Exception made for crusty french bread with fancy cheese). My starches are usually rice and taters, instead.

Of course, both bread and flour-thickened stew the one night we had a gluten-free guest. *facepalm*

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

Of course, both bread and flour-thickened stew the one night we had a gluten-free guest. *facepalm*


Well, as we say around my place, "Those are the rules by which we live." ;)

Not that I made steaks for our guests and found out that they're vegetarians, or that one of my friends is allergic to cinnaman and all-spice after I made my cinnaman/all-spice carrots, or that one time...

[shadesofmauve]

Thank you! I had hoped for substituting something into my favorite uber-chocolate recipe, but I can totally work with mix if it means no one will die and the creation is edible.

I'm not a baker, but I do have my I-grew-up-without-processed-food pride. I can damn well bake a cake from scratch.

It usually takes hours longer than it does normal people, and you can't see the kitchen through the fine veil of cocoa powder, and after the first flour explosion it devolves to a kind of ingredient war of attrition, but out of the wreckage emerges cake!

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

I'm only gluten free ( well, carrot free too ) praise *insert deitie(s) of choice here*.

Udi's GF bread has been a godsend to me.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

We make some Gluten-Free stuff at work. I've been tempted to recommend that we shift those bakes to midnight and include the sacrifice of a Black Rooster as part of the recipe ;)

Actually, I think Voodoo makes more sense than Gluten-Free Baking.

[shadesofmauve]

You have to sacrifice roosters? I had no idea gluten-free baking had so much in common with the Mystic Art of Bra Measurement.

You're allowed to use hens for the latter, though.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure, but I've heard from Networking Techs that it works there, and GF Baking is about as nonsensical as that, so I figure it's worth a try ;)

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Hee, wow. I have a tough enough time navigating PCOS cookin'.