Lethal Weapons
Jun. 27th, 2009 03:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodyrosemccoyI need to invent a new martial art.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me some tae kwon do. The concentration on leg movements is right up my alley, and I still get a good arm workout. And I figure I can at least damage an attacker a little bit in a fight, which is always handy.
But as I was running through forms yesterday, I kept realizing that there’s just one thing that makes it a bit awkward.
Okay, two things.
I mean, I have a sports bra, but even when crushed, the great uniboob is still there, complicating things. How in the hell am I supposed to do snap middle-blocks when my elbow keeps rebounding off my chest? How can I do that special move in one of my forms where the hands come together, arms straight, and point them at the floor? They either wind up resting on the top and pointing at an angle, or I have to just squeeze the boobs between my biceps, and either way it looks ridiculous.
And I’m afraid to spar because chest kicks have always presented something of a pain issue.
I’m hoping exercise brings them down to manageable portions, but until then I need another martial art. So I propose that women with this particular attribute start our own school,* the school of tae kwon boob do. We would learn moves that could be done around our enormous chests, we could figure out how to block attacks to that area, and during warm-ups there would be no shame in the Run-And-Clutch or the Jumping Jacks With Arms Folded.** Along with belts our symbols of achievement will be colored bras. And we would kick everyone’s ass.
Come on, you just know this would catch on. Who’s with me?
*With blackjack! And hookers!
**And don’t try to tell me that the Run-And-Clutch is made unnecessary with the proper support. I have gotten the proper support. I also have stretch marks.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me some tae kwon do. The concentration on leg movements is right up my alley, and I still get a good arm workout. And I figure I can at least damage an attacker a little bit in a fight, which is always handy.
But as I was running through forms yesterday, I kept realizing that there’s just one thing that makes it a bit awkward.
Okay, two things.
I mean, I have a sports bra, but even when crushed, the great uniboob is still there, complicating things. How in the hell am I supposed to do snap middle-blocks when my elbow keeps rebounding off my chest? How can I do that special move in one of my forms where the hands come together, arms straight, and point them at the floor? They either wind up resting on the top and pointing at an angle, or I have to just squeeze the boobs between my biceps, and either way it looks ridiculous.
And I’m afraid to spar because chest kicks have always presented something of a pain issue.
I’m hoping exercise brings them down to manageable portions, but until then I need another martial art. So I propose that women with this particular attribute start our own school,* the school of tae kwon boob do. We would learn moves that could be done around our enormous chests, we could figure out how to block attacks to that area, and during warm-ups there would be no shame in the Run-And-Clutch or the Jumping Jacks With Arms Folded.** Along with belts our symbols of achievement will be colored bras. And we would kick everyone’s ass.
Come on, you just know this would catch on. Who’s with me?
*With blackjack! And hookers!
**And don’t try to tell me that the Run-And-Clutch is made unnecessary with the proper support. I have gotten the proper support. I also have stretch marks.
