Decree

[bloodyrosemccoy]

From now on, anyone who uses the words “quip” or “drawl” as a verb shall be slammed with a fine up to, but not exceeding, $250,000 and up to five years in jail.

Anyone who uses the words “quip” or “drawl” to describe a line of dialogue will be shot without trial.

That is all.

Comments

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Oh, I remember someone trying to push one on me at a book fair, actually!

Actually, a wonderful, weird little middle-reader book that helped me grasp the problem. Three Lives To Live is written as the narrator's seventh-grader's school project, and at one point her teacher "edits" the chapters she's written so far and tells her to rewrite a conversation from an earlier chapter with more of those Colorful words, and she writes a list of examples on the board. The narrator perfunctorily goes back to substitute random words like "coo" and "chirp" and "bellow" in there, which makes the conversation totally surreal and absurd, declares that she prefers the first version, then gets on with her story.

And also, I will swear up and down there is a book or essay or something on this topic out there somewhere with the memorable title, "Hello," He Pole-Vaulted. But while I always remember that title, I have no idea what it was and the internet, for once, fails me.