![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A Nice Quiet Job
Sep. 15th, 2011 07:19 pmAll right, who's up for Crazy Library Stories? Because yesterday was Crazy Library Story Day!
Crazy Library Story #1: The Textbook "Disruptive Patron"
LADY: That man on the computer next to me is swearing a lot! I told him to stop and he started swearing at ME!
ME: Right, I am sure I can handle this. Sir, we have received a complaint that you are causing a disturbance. Please try to--
ANGRY YOUNG ASPIRING GANGSTA: I'm causing it? What about her? I'm really stressed out and she can't just mind her own business!
ME: I'm sorry you're stressed, sir, but you will still have to modulate--
LADY: Oh, yeah? I wasn'the one who said "Shut the ... fffuck up"!
GANGSTA BOY: You should just leave me alone!
LADY: Why don't YOU just--
ME: Uh, ma'am, I can handle this. Please go about your business.
GANGSTA BOY'S GIRLFRIEND: Don't make him mad; it'll just get worse!
ME: Oh, good grief. Sir--
GANGSTA BOY: I HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!
*GANGSTA BOY starts to dramatically breathe in what he imagines to be an anger management fashion to show me JUST HOW CLOSE I am to making him punch me, and how much he's trying to save me from my own folly. I start to wonder if that technique does get touted for anger management, inasmuch as if he keeps it up he's gonna pass out and presumably not be angry anymore. His girlfriend continues to beg us not to exacerbate his anger. I can see her future from here, and it sucks*
ME: *calmly, while attempting not to eyeroll* I'm sorry, sir, but this is your warning. If you don't calm down you'll have to leave the building.
*GANGSTA BOY subsides into rebellious muttering. I return to my coworker, who has been sitting in her own little bubble at the counter directly behind this exchange*
ME: (quietly) So, yeah, keep an eye on him.
COWORKER: Huh? What? Did something happen?
ME: It feels good to know you have my back when things get tough.
---
Crazy Library Story #2: Fangirling
THIRD-GRADE GIRL: I finished this book!
ME: Great! gonna read another now?
HER TUTOR: I'm looking at reading lists.
ME: Well, what do you like? Fantasy? Science fiction?
THIRD-GRADER: History stories.
ME: Well, we've got plenty of those--Catherine, Called Birdy, the Royal Diaries, Dear America, American Girl. I like American Girl.
THIRD-GRADER: Do you know American Girl Dolls?
ME: DO I KNOW THEM?
*rapid fangirling between librarian and third-grader follows: "OMG I HAVE MOLLY!" "I HAVE ELIZABETH!" "DID YOU SEE THE NEW ONES?" "I LIKED SAMANTHA, TOO!" "ISN'T KANANI AWESOME?" The tutor looks on in disbelief*
ME: Well, if you need any American Girl books, let me know!
Later
COWORKER: *processing holds* Amelia, why do you have this American Girl book on hold?
ME: You are not having a very aware day, are you?
---
Crazy Library Story #3: The Mystery Injury
COWORKER: Hey, my friend! What happened to your leg?
CANE-TOTING DUDE: ... You know, I don't even know. It just started hurting one day. I'm having it looked at tomorrow.
ME: That's too bad! I hope it's nothing serious. In the meantime, though you should just start making up stories about your injury. "Oh, I was in a swordfight." "I was rescuing a box of kittens from the second floor of a burning building." "Ninjas cornered me in an alley." "A big old meteor caught my foot as I was diving out of its way."
CANE-TOTING DUDE: That's a great idea!
ME: Do like my brother did when he broke his foot--never tell the same story twice.
CANE-TOTING DUDE: Don't worry! I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon making up more!
ME: Good man. If you've got to be injured, you might as well have some fun with it.
So yeah, my day yesterday was lively. I also wound up translating for both Spanish-speaking patrons and one Deaf patron--I'll be damned if I thought I remembered that much ASL--and wound up hunting down more weird book requests than ever. Good thing today was a day off, because otherwise I'd be as wrapped up in a bubble by now as my coworker. Crazy should come in smaller doses.
Crazy Library Story #1: The Textbook "Disruptive Patron"
LADY: That man on the computer next to me is swearing a lot! I told him to stop and he started swearing at ME!
ME: Right, I am sure I can handle this. Sir, we have received a complaint that you are causing a disturbance. Please try to--
ANGRY YOUNG ASPIRING GANGSTA: I'm causing it? What about her? I'm really stressed out and she can't just mind her own business!
ME: I'm sorry you're stressed, sir, but you will still have to modulate--
LADY: Oh, yeah? I wasn'the one who said "Shut the ... fffuck up"!
GANGSTA BOY: You should just leave me alone!
LADY: Why don't YOU just--
ME: Uh, ma'am, I can handle this. Please go about your business.
GANGSTA BOY'S GIRLFRIEND: Don't make him mad; it'll just get worse!
ME: Oh, good grief. Sir--
GANGSTA BOY: I HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!
*GANGSTA BOY starts to dramatically breathe in what he imagines to be an anger management fashion to show me JUST HOW CLOSE I am to making him punch me, and how much he's trying to save me from my own folly. I start to wonder if that technique does get touted for anger management, inasmuch as if he keeps it up he's gonna pass out and presumably not be angry anymore. His girlfriend continues to beg us not to exacerbate his anger. I can see her future from here, and it sucks*
ME: *calmly, while attempting not to eyeroll* I'm sorry, sir, but this is your warning. If you don't calm down you'll have to leave the building.
*GANGSTA BOY subsides into rebellious muttering. I return to my coworker, who has been sitting in her own little bubble at the counter directly behind this exchange*
ME: (quietly) So, yeah, keep an eye on him.
COWORKER: Huh? What? Did something happen?
ME: It feels good to know you have my back when things get tough.
---
Crazy Library Story #2: Fangirling
THIRD-GRADE GIRL: I finished this book!
ME: Great! gonna read another now?
HER TUTOR: I'm looking at reading lists.
ME: Well, what do you like? Fantasy? Science fiction?
THIRD-GRADER: History stories.
ME: Well, we've got plenty of those--Catherine, Called Birdy, the Royal Diaries, Dear America, American Girl. I like American Girl.
THIRD-GRADER: Do you know American Girl Dolls?
ME: DO I KNOW THEM?
*rapid fangirling between librarian and third-grader follows: "OMG I HAVE MOLLY!" "I HAVE ELIZABETH!" "DID YOU SEE THE NEW ONES?" "I LIKED SAMANTHA, TOO!" "ISN'T KANANI AWESOME?" The tutor looks on in disbelief*
ME: Well, if you need any American Girl books, let me know!
Later
COWORKER: *processing holds* Amelia, why do you have this American Girl book on hold?
ME: You are not having a very aware day, are you?
---
Crazy Library Story #3: The Mystery Injury
COWORKER: Hey, my friend! What happened to your leg?
CANE-TOTING DUDE: ... You know, I don't even know. It just started hurting one day. I'm having it looked at tomorrow.
ME: That's too bad! I hope it's nothing serious. In the meantime, though you should just start making up stories about your injury. "Oh, I was in a swordfight." "I was rescuing a box of kittens from the second floor of a burning building." "Ninjas cornered me in an alley." "A big old meteor caught my foot as I was diving out of its way."
CANE-TOTING DUDE: That's a great idea!
ME: Do like my brother did when he broke his foot--never tell the same story twice.
CANE-TOTING DUDE: Don't worry! I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon making up more!
ME: Good man. If you've got to be injured, you might as well have some fun with it.
So yeah, my day yesterday was lively. I also wound up translating for both Spanish-speaking patrons and one Deaf patron--I'll be damned if I thought I remembered that much ASL--and wound up hunting down more weird book requests than ever. Good thing today was a day off, because otherwise I'd be as wrapped up in a bubble by now as my coworker. Crazy should come in smaller doses.
