Oooh, Ah Hates That Varmint

… Okay, it is definitely a raccoon—and, as I guessed once I was sure it was not a moose, it is a mother raccoon. I know this because I just saw her exit the soffit* with a fat little baby raccoon swinging from her jaws.

I think she’s relocating them, so evidently our Yelling At The Raccoon strategy actually worked.** I’m feeling pretty smart myself for having suggested leaving the soffit accessible in case of relocation. However, I am not a raccoon expert; I am a dumb homeowner who watches lots of nature shows, so I will still be calling in wildlife people as soon as the clock strikes Reasonable to make sure she really is relocating her litter and not taking them on a field trip or something, and also to do whatever it is wildlife people do about the problem of raccoon poop in the attic and the skin-crawling parasites and microorganisms it carries. (I am having a Hannelore-style meltdown over these. Having survived malaria with no lasting damage does not, it seems, make me any less neurotic about diseases.)

First I’m going to get some sleep, though, because aside from my cartoonish war with varmints, I also have an interview for an amazing job promotion in a few hours. It’s going to be a fun day.


(A lot of y’all offered some raccoon-repelling advice to me. In turn, I will offer you a very useful site I found with some good basic information. I can see why it’s at the top of Google’s list.)


*This is a new word I have learned today!

**Either that, or she does not care for Dad’s classic rock surround sound playlist. And who can blame her? I'd probably head for the hills too if I thought Don Henley or Jackson Browne was in the vicinity.

Maybe McDonald's Is Hiring ...

Y’all, I have no damn clue how that interview went.

I think I did all right, but I keep seesawing between that and thinking of the dumb shit that must have come out of my mouth at some point. I am completely at a loss in judging the reactions Nice Reserved Ladies have to whatever garbage I spew out in response to useless questions like “Describe your weaknesses.” (“Sometimes I work too hard and can be too much of a perfectionist! Ha ha!”)*

If only job interviews were more like internet memes. Ask me about cake vs. pie and I will be ready to defend my position with logic, rhetoric, sources, examples, and even dry-erase board illustrations. Come up with the wacky hijinks of Sherlock Holmes and the Phantom of the Opera? I could get you an elaborate scenario in a minute flat! But ask me to “provide examples of your creative problem solving,” and all I can think is “Durr, I can stack up boxes until I reach the banana.”**

Well, if I just blew this interview, at least my supervisor has offered me a consolation job boost. (Ooh, FIFTEEN hours a week! Hooray …) Still … woulda been nice.


*Damn it, I should have said I have trouble integrating my efforts with other people’s and require a lot of communication. Oh, well, next job interview, I guess.

**“And one time I totally figured out how to open a jar to get at the delicious candy inside! The secret is twisting.”