The consensus for Amelia’s Mutant Power is that I am able to learn languages at the speed of light. Fair enough. Anyone who’s surprised, raise your hand.
Ha ha! I kid, of course. This is the internet. I can’t actually
see you right now! That’s
![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gondolinchick01’s mutant power!* Instead, I am going to tell you some of the mutant powers
I came up with for myself:
· Super-quick absorption of languages
· The ability to know exactly which word is on the tip of Mom's tongue
· Paradox—specifically, that of being bigger than 妹 even though I’m almost a foot shorter.
· This was my original idea: the ability to create, or see into, small, self-contained, populated
universes, like a cross between
Atrus and
those crazy scientists in Japan. Unfortunately, going along with the “useless mutant power” motif, there is no way to actually
get to these universes, making them difficult to manipulate fully and impossible to use to any advantage.
What got it started was my longtime gag of the statistical probability that for every mutant with a really flashy, handy, and diverse power, there is at least one other mutant with a really small, piddly, and/or pointless one, like turning random things orange, blinking to change channels, being empathically attuned to all moths everywhere (not controlling them, just knowing what they feel like) or growing hair on any part of your body spontaneously. And that led me to a long time survey of the Stupid Mutant Powers.
So far, my favorite, which apparently Liz won title to: the ability to give anybody within a certain range a spontaneous orgasm. This could actually come in useful against bad guys:
Sinister: Ha ha! I will now activate the Death Machine and WIPE OUT ALL LIFE ON EARTH, leaving my super race to take ooooOOOAAAAAAWWWWOOOWWW—
Liz: Get him, Cyclops!**
BLAM!
Sinister: …
Cyclops: Great job, everyone! Get him a cigarette and send him off to jail!
Some things just don’t deserve the thought people give them, huh?
*She tells me that one of you is wearing boxers with pigs on them right now.
**You know, the interesting thing about Cyclops is that he’s actually quite badass. He can blow holes in walls, for gods’ sakes, and he’s like twice the size of Wolverine in the cartoon. And yet he’s still a weenie. It’s interesting how that works out.
