Kenya Dig It? ~ Obligatory Lions
Dec. 8th, 2007 02:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodyrosemccoyIf you go on a game safari with a crowd of students, I have two recommendations for you:
1. Pack a lunch.
2. If you are female and have any excess tissue in the Female Inexplicable Excess Tissue Region, wear a sports bra.
I did not wear a sports bra, or in fact have one handy, because our academic directors told us to pack light, so for the second time I was living out of a tiny bag. "You'll get your bags in Malindi," they told us. "But first, we'll be sleeping in tents tonight!"
I had no idea that these ADs had mastered the art of lying and telling the truth at the same time.
Anyway, I quickly discovered my mistake. As far as I can tell, the method for conducting a safari is to remove all the shock absorbers from the van, then drive like a bat out of hell along roads that are mostly potholes for miles and miles, jouncing your passengers around in the most physically demanding ride they've ever taken. When you see animals, you screech to a halt so that the passengers--those who haven't fractured bits of their spine--can pop out of the top of the vehicle like gophers and go "Ooh!" and take pictures of Majestic African Wildlife. Then you roar off to find some more Majestic Wildlife, with your passengers rattling around like seeds in a maraca.
We did get to see some good wildlife this way. There were all the famous ones--lions, elephants, hippos, giraffes, and crocodiles*--but I was also impressed by the odd little animals. My favorites were the dikdiks, tiny little ungulates that are to housecats in size what impalas are to lions. If you have never seen a nervous two-foot-tall antelope eyeing your camera, you have missed a golden wildlife moment. Other golden wildlife moments include being threatened by a big alpha male baboon and having monkeys invade our van. They were after the biscuits.**
Trying to keep your head from falling off during those rides is hungry work, though, and we got to have lunch at a fancy resort. Hooray, thought we, not certain what kind of food would be set up at the camp. Real food! That isn't ugali! I went insane over some vegetable soup, which was the BEST SOUP EVER, and then topped it off with everything else. I didn't know where my next meal was coming from, after all.
It turns out my next meal was a three-course dinner and a fancy dessert next to a swimming pool and a river where lions come to drink.
Yes. When our academic director said we'd be sleeping in tents, what he didn't mention was that we'd be sleeping in GIANT TENTS OF LUXURY WITH HOT RUNNING WATER AND SOFT FLUFFY BEDS. Our camp was another fancy-pants resort, the kind where they give you warm towels when you stagger in, dusty from your ride, so that you can wipe the dust off and then soothe your aching muscles while you ask for a few ice packs to treat your bruises.
This set a precedent for what to expect when the ADs downplayed stuff.
Two days of safari, though, is quite enough. After a while you start getting bored with giraffes (though I could never get bored with elephants), and are ready to move on to Malindi. So we did.
But I would've been willing to stay in that resort one more day.
*Digression Alert: I learned a song about crocodiles in first grade that cautions you against being polite to things you should probably flee from. It starts out "Never smile at a crocodile, never tip your hat and stop to talk a while!" Somewhere along the way I watched too much Law & Order: SVU, and now whenever I think of that song my brain automatically substitutes the word "pedophile" for "crocodile."
The scary thing is how well it fits in the song.
**I mastered Monkey Soccer that day. It is similar to Cat Soccer and Bunny Soccer: you shoo the animal away with your foot.
1. Pack a lunch.
2. If you are female and have any excess tissue in the Female Inexplicable Excess Tissue Region, wear a sports bra.
I did not wear a sports bra, or in fact have one handy, because our academic directors told us to pack light, so for the second time I was living out of a tiny bag. "You'll get your bags in Malindi," they told us. "But first, we'll be sleeping in tents tonight!"
I had no idea that these ADs had mastered the art of lying and telling the truth at the same time.
Anyway, I quickly discovered my mistake. As far as I can tell, the method for conducting a safari is to remove all the shock absorbers from the van, then drive like a bat out of hell along roads that are mostly potholes for miles and miles, jouncing your passengers around in the most physically demanding ride they've ever taken. When you see animals, you screech to a halt so that the passengers--those who haven't fractured bits of their spine--can pop out of the top of the vehicle like gophers and go "Ooh!" and take pictures of Majestic African Wildlife. Then you roar off to find some more Majestic Wildlife, with your passengers rattling around like seeds in a maraca.
We did get to see some good wildlife this way. There were all the famous ones--lions, elephants, hippos, giraffes, and crocodiles*--but I was also impressed by the odd little animals. My favorites were the dikdiks, tiny little ungulates that are to housecats in size what impalas are to lions. If you have never seen a nervous two-foot-tall antelope eyeing your camera, you have missed a golden wildlife moment. Other golden wildlife moments include being threatened by a big alpha male baboon and having monkeys invade our van. They were after the biscuits.**
Trying to keep your head from falling off during those rides is hungry work, though, and we got to have lunch at a fancy resort. Hooray, thought we, not certain what kind of food would be set up at the camp. Real food! That isn't ugali! I went insane over some vegetable soup, which was the BEST SOUP EVER, and then topped it off with everything else. I didn't know where my next meal was coming from, after all.
It turns out my next meal was a three-course dinner and a fancy dessert next to a swimming pool and a river where lions come to drink.
Yes. When our academic director said we'd be sleeping in tents, what he didn't mention was that we'd be sleeping in GIANT TENTS OF LUXURY WITH HOT RUNNING WATER AND SOFT FLUFFY BEDS. Our camp was another fancy-pants resort, the kind where they give you warm towels when you stagger in, dusty from your ride, so that you can wipe the dust off and then soothe your aching muscles while you ask for a few ice packs to treat your bruises.
This set a precedent for what to expect when the ADs downplayed stuff.
Two days of safari, though, is quite enough. After a while you start getting bored with giraffes (though I could never get bored with elephants), and are ready to move on to Malindi. So we did.
But I would've been willing to stay in that resort one more day.
*Digression Alert: I learned a song about crocodiles in first grade that cautions you against being polite to things you should probably flee from. It starts out "Never smile at a crocodile, never tip your hat and stop to talk a while!" Somewhere along the way I watched too much Law & Order: SVU, and now whenever I think of that song my brain automatically substitutes the word "pedophile" for "crocodile."
The scary thing is how well it fits in the song.
**I mastered Monkey Soccer that day. It is similar to Cat Soccer and Bunny Soccer: you shoo the animal away with your foot.
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Date: 2007-12-08 06:53 pm (UTC)I absolute adore Thompson's Gazelles. Dikdiks are cute little buggers, but the Tommies are just too much fun bouncing through the grass, especially the babies!
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Date: 2007-12-12 12:54 am (UTC)Monkey soccer doesn't sound nearly as fun as cat or bunny soccer.
Man, you've GOT to share whatever pictures you have with me when you get back. I can't wait.
In the meantime, I guess I'll go mop up Wally-spew.
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Date: 2007-12-12 03:57 am (UTC)I'm glad you didn't include a tune to that song. I'd be going around all day tomorrow singing "Never smile at a pedophile" to myself. That's just too catchy!