The Hero's Journey, Pared Down

[bloodyrosemccoy]

With respect to cleolinda for the outline concept. 

Zelda games may be awesome, but there's no denying that they do tend to have a bit of a formula to them.  I was considering them as I played, and I think I've figured some of the basics out.

Our hero, Link:

1.      Was chosen by the gods/goddesses

2.      Never goes to the bathroom

3.      Wears a silly hat

4.      Is the only person in the world who can solve anyone else’s problems

5.      Apparently has long-term memory damage, as at the beginning of each game he can’t remember where he put his stuff, or how to use any of it

 

Hyrule is tolerant of all types of people:

1.      Pointy-eared elf people

2.      Blue people with fishtails growing out of the backs of their skulls

3.      Big people who eat rocks

4.      People made out of bushes

5.      People who never grow up

6.      Guards in tight pants

7.      Bejeweled redheaded women with double sabres

8.      Crazy naked ladies who live in fountains

 

Oh, no! The world is in peril! Link will have to go save it! His journey takes him to:

1.      A great plain

2.      A graveyard full of zombies

3.      A forest full of wolves

4.      Volcanic mountains full of fiery death

5.      A desert full of angry cacti

6.      The bottom of a large body of water

7.      The sky, where he gets attacked by birds

8.      A dark, terrifying fortress of pain and suffering

 

Link, thank goodness you’re here! As a perfect stranger, you seem a wonderful person to solve all our problems, such as:

1.      Dark forces of evil engulfing the entire kingdom!

2.      Our princess being trapped in a giant crystal!

3.      A rockslide that has blocked up our water source!

4.      A village overrun with monsters!

5.      Mail that hasn’t been delivered!

6.      A missing cat!

 

Fortunately, to aid him in his quest, Link has a sword! His spin attack helps him take out several of his worst enemies at the same time. These enemies include:

1.      Ugly moblins

2.      Ugly dragons

3.      Ugly zombies

4.      Ugly wads of jelly

5.      Bats which may be on fire

6.      Chickens

 

But he needs a better sword! He goes to find the Master Sword. This makes him into the Hero of:

1.      Time

2.      Wind

3.      Dreams

4.      Seasons

5.      Smallness

 

But now the shocking twist occurs!

1.      It’s Ganondorf! He must be pretty old after so many centuries of trying to take over Hyrule.

2.      A very few times, it’s somebody else.

3.      But usually it’s Ganondorf.

 

Link also has other things to help him in his quest. Bottles are a big help. You can put anything into them:

1.      Fairies

2.      Fish

3.      Milk

4.      Monster slime

5.      Ghost souls

 

Link’s very items are magical, too, and in unexpected ways:

1.      Unless it is part of a minigame, nothing in a bottle ever goes bad, not even milk. Not even after seven years.

2.      Link can haul tons of junk around without getting slowed down, or even having his pockets bulge

3.      Link is always carrying his iron boots around with him, but he doesn’t sink until he puts them on.

 

Hooray! Link has saved the day! Ganondorf is:

1.      Dead as a doornail

2.      Locked in an alternate dimension for all eternity forever and ever until the end of time

3.      Going to be back next week

 

But for now, all is well! Check out the evidence!

1.      The sun comes up.

2.      The missing cats have all been found

3.      Zelda and Link have an ambiguous relationship

4.      The Triforce has been put back together again.

5.      Link puts the Master Sword back in the Hidden Grove of Sacredness, which seems a little premature because next week he’s just going to have to go get it back.

And with that, Link's name will go down in history.  Until next time, adventure lovers!  Keep those blades sharp!

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wastrel/]

Hehe, that was good for a chuckle or two, seasoned with a sprinkle of nostalgia.

Hey everybody, it's Mr. Know-it-all!

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Most of those Links aren't really the same one. The one in A Link To The Past for SNES, for example, is supposed to be an ancestor of the one in the NES games. The one in Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask is even further back in time. Not sure where Wind Waker and Twilight Princess fit in.

The Zoras weren't always that friendly. In the first two games they were merely enemies who would pop out of the water just to spit at you. In LttP, they were slightly more sapient: you could actually talk to one and he'd give you something, although his brethren would still spit at you. The aquatic ouchi-spitter role was given in Ocarina of Time to the octoroks, which up to that point had been land animals.

Ganon(dorf) is supposedly the same person in all of the games in which he appears (which means all of them but Majora's Mask and maybe one or two of the ones for Game Boy which I've never played). So he never really dies or gets locked away forever, just banished for a really really long time.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I wondered if you'd take it upon yourself to correct me.

Actually, Mr. Know-it-all, I knew all that. There is a chronology in the beginning of OoT's player's guide that said pretty much the same thing. As that was the first I played, and I always like looking at things like that, I read it and thus never thought that the Links were all the same ... hell, I thought, his name is LINK; I assumed that meant they were all LINKed in their heroism.

There was, however, an extremely amusing theory I read online a while back (can't find the link, sorry) that managed to make them all into one Link but it meant that Link seems to have some sort of memory problem. Usually a Link that was already established (as in Majora's Mask or Link's Awakening for Game Boy) have good explanations for the loss of their stuff (going back in time and a shipwreck, respectively). I soon found that a lot of people believe Link to just be rather forgetful, and I played that up.

As for Ganondorf, I always assumed that he found some sort of immortality and unkillability (or whatever) along the way. My brother had the interesting suggestion that he died at some point, went to hell, and usurped the throne there, then came back as the King of Hell, but Twilight Princess mentions him as a chosen one of the gods in a "divine prank," which could also account for it.

There is very little I don't know about the worlds of Mario and Zelda. If we had exams on THAT in school, I'd have done incredubly. But as it is, it's nice to find a fellow enthusiast.