The Desert Mermaid

BUT AMELIA WHERE IS THE--oh, never mind, here's Part 1 and the index.

The guy who informed Arie that she doesn't swear was ¾ wrong. He was all the way wrong about ladies having no need for some good cuss words. Everybody stubs their toes, after all. But his assertion that all fairies are female is subject to variable levels of truth. Woodfairies have a complicated life cycle, but the upshot is that they grow on trees. As such, they have no reproductive organs and are not male or female (or, given how their chromosomes work, they could be considered both). However, as they have high voices, delicate features, slim bodies, a love of frilly dresses and sparkles, and names that sound like they were chosen out of a Bath & Body Works catalog (Terwu'arie literally means "Shadowrose"), humans and other such species generally automatically assume they are female. As such, the common speech refers to them using female-gendered terminology. Following convention, I am using it that way here.

In contrast, dwarves do come with the more recognizable binary reproductive systems. But aside from the primary sex characteristics, dwarves have no visible sexual dimorphism. All dwarves, male and female, have blocky builds, big muscles, and swathes of face and chest hair. And as the gender-free Dwarvish language offers no clues, and nosy questions about their reproductive systems mostly just annoy them, figuring out a dwarf's sex is only possible after the third date (or, for more traditional dwarves, after the wedding).

Fortunately for speakers of languages where gender is a required bit of coding, dwarves also don't seem to give two shits about how other species perceive them. They are perfectly content to all be referred to as "he" in the common speech, and where nouns come in masculine/feminine pairs, they always go with masculine. I'm using that convention here. To be honest, I have no idea what sex either Orlof or Hruldar might be. They refer to each other as 'husband,' but they could just as easily one male and one female, or two females, as two males. It doesn't actually matter, but it's an interesting bit of trivia.

In completely unrelated annotation, the thing Orlof refers to as an "oven" is actually a cast-iron Dutch oven set over a large earthenware brazier. For some reason, I feel it is important that you know this.

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( Heavyweight Knitting Champion )

#

Nextward to Part 9!

Hey, look! An index!

Well, FINALLY. Setting the stage takes a lot of work. Hopefully it's worth it, since this installment introduces all sorts of fun new characters for you to try to keep track of.

A couple of you might recognize the name of Kuen from my various doll posts. Yes, that's her--the doll was modeled after the character I'd thought up years earlier. The sprites have an extensive, multi-universal history, but Kuen herself has always lived here in this Playtime Universe. She seems to like it there, though she also seems to have an ability to dimension-hop. I could go on for hours about her.

The actual term for an overhand catch in juggling is "clawing the balls." I thought writing it that way might be distracting.

Anyway.

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( Part 6 - Strange People, Strange Fish, And A Very Helpful House )

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Now! With Part 7!

Part 1 also has an index!

Even if it's in character, it always bugs me when somebody tells a recently traumatized character "Don't think about [your recent trauma]." It is completely unhelpful.

Of course, with the lack of licensed therapists in most Standard Fantasyland trade caravans, I can sort of see where they wouldn't feel they had a lot of options.

For a shortish installment, this sure took a while to lay out. Still not sure why, but I'm eager to get going on the next installment. Largo's getting behind on real adventure. It's almost time for him to catch up on that front.

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( A Sudden Need To Leave, Proper Disposal Of Dead Bodies, And A Moral Dilemma )

Part 5

First, if you haven't read it yet, enjoy Part 1

I'd just like to say that this may be the first time the traditional Big Dumb Jock Rival has ever made fun of Our Hero for not being as big a reader as he himself is. Somebody ought to write that down.

Remember, kids, before inciting a mob, you should always make sure you have all the facts.

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( Scatterstone Part 2 - Cooking As Diplomacy, Realistic Dreams, Possible Trolls, And Mobs With Poor Senses Of Direction )
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On to Part 3!

One of the things under my bed was a “poetry portfolio” I had to make in what appears to be ninth grade. Behind a stack of bad poetry following formats like “Simile Poem” and “Permit Me Poem,” I tucked this goofy parody.

The Crash

Once upon a midnight dreary, I sat and pondered, weak and weary
Over how I could produce a poem that would earn me a good score.
So I could make the font look cuter, I thought I’d use my old computer
So I went and tried to boot ’er as I’d done every time before
Little was I ready for the shock I had in store—
For it would turn on nevermore.

( It Goes On … )

( Exposition! )

For the record, the catalyst for Stumbani’s interest in macrosymbiosis? A story in itself. It involves one of my favorite ubiquitous characters** and a blatant ripoff of a chestburster. They named it Walter.

Now I’m on to the new Doctors! story, which features a scene with a shoplifter. Exciting! But, you know, it’s a shoplifter! in! SPACE!!, which we all know automatically raises the coolness factor by 100.

Also, I’m working on some more doll clothes, and the debut album for Super Sekrit Doll Project FTW, doing some reading, and watching妹 frantically pack for college. I feel so productive.

How’s your weekend?


*Fun with Spore: 妹: Well, what are your plans for tonight?
AMELIA: The same thing I do every night, 妹: try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
妹: Enjoy your game.

**One trio of characters shows up in all the varied stories in my head. They either have a whole lot of parallel universe doppelgängers, or they’re dimension-hoppers. I have never figured out which it is.