![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodyrosemccoySo I went on another Eclipse Adventure!
THE BIG TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE OF 2017
ME: Wow, I would have to go slightly north to see totality! I am not up for a traffic-jammed road trip
ME: I volunteer to stay at the Space Place and do Eclipse Activities, allowing my other coworkers to travel!
ME: In exchange, I only ask for a suitcase full of money
SPACE PLACE:
ME: Or the next couple of eclipses guaranteed off
SPACE PLACE: eh, sure
PREVIOUSLY ON ECLIPSE ADVENTURE:
A traffic-jammed road trip!
THE NOT-VERY-CLOSE PATH OF TOTALITY
ME: Good news, bro! I'm gonna be in your direction! How about if I send you a map of totality and you pick a city to meet me in?
MY BROTHER: Oh, you want me to do a traffic-jammed road trip? I see how it is
ME: Also, I will be taking the train because air travel is LITERALLY THE WORST
MY BROTHER: Okay. How's Buffalo, New York sound?
ME: I dunno, how's the springtime weather in Buffalo?
BROTHER: Unpredictable. But you can see my new house and hang out with Burgie for a day!
ME: SOLD
So I bought a make-your-own-unicorn kit as an offering for Burgie and was on my way!
FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE; HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION
CONDUCTOR: Hello, passengers. So, funny story: due to completely unforeseen events, cruising through the Rocky Mountains in April has encountered blizzard conditions and high winds, which we do not want to go through because high winds can lead to an undesirable condition called "the train falling over"
CONDUCTOR: We don't want that, so we're staying here in Winter Park, Colorado for the entire night!
CONDUCTOR: This means if you're trying to catch another train in Chicago, you're going to be 22 hours late for it and probably miss the eclipse
CONDUCTOR: Sorry about that
CONDUCTOR: But we'll be in Denver tomorrow and, just an observation, there's a train that goes directly from our station in Denver to the airport
CONDUCTOR: if you have a fun sense of irony
CONDUCTOR: Just saying
ME: Ah, fuck
And thus began my wacky Planes, Trains, and Automobiles gotta-get-there adventure!
EXPEDIA: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, I've got a ticket for you
EXPEDIA: How does a flight to Las Vegas sound for the first leg of the trip?
ME: That's the opposite of the way I want to go?
EXPEDIA: Look, do you want to see this eclipse or not
ME: Well, I do have to get to Burgie, otherwise what the hell am I gonna do with all these unicorns?
So I motherfucking went through the goddamn TSA line, and I dragged my carry-ons around to terminal gates, and I endured that ambient sound in the airplanes and the miserable stress positions the sadistic capitalists who design airplane cabins put you in, and I tried to tease out the Hidden Rules that always plague me when I travel in queues and things,* and I gotta say that pieces falling off of airplanes lately is not even in my top 20 reasons why I was Not Fucking Happy, But by god I made it Buffalo the day of the eclipse!
It was kinda cloudy.
Great.
TRAPPED IN THE FAMILY GROUP TEXT
AUNT: How are you doing? You must be arriving by now! Thinking of you! 🚂🛤️🚂🚂🚅🚄
AUNT: [helping] *texts a giant PDF of times of totality across the country*
MOM: Okay, allow me to explain in a wall of text how Amelia took a plane instead because the train got snow on it.
AUNT: How awful! ☹️
AUNT: You're so resourceful finding a way there! ✈️🧳💕
AUNT: I hope you can meet up with your brother soon! 🥰💕💕
AUNT: Tell him I'm thinking of him ! 💖🥰💕
AUNT: This is so exciting!
MOM: And your sister should be getting back from her tropical trip with her, ahem, fiancé today!
AUNT: Don't you think it's so romantic how he proposed? 💕💍😍💕
AUNT: Did you find each other yet?
WHAT I WOULD HAVE ANSWERED HAD I NOT BEEN TRYING TO CLAIM MY BAG (FUCKIN AIR TRAVEL): NO, SOMEBODY KEEPS BLOWING UP OUR PHONES WHILE WE TRY TO COMMUNICATE, SHUT UP
WHAT MY EXTREMELY DIPLOMATIC BROTHER ACTUALLY SAID: Hey all – maybe don't use the group chat while I'm trying to find Amelia, please. Really hard to drive and coordinate
MOM: Okay, sorry
AUNT: Oh, sorry!
AUNT: I'll stop now.
AUNT: Hope you find her!
AUNT: Don't go to sleep or anything, the eclipse is soon! 🌘😎
Finally got my bag from the baggage attendant holding it hostage (WHY, AIR TRAVEL) and met up with my brother!
BROTHER: I guess it's nice that we include Aunt in the family group chats, but
ME: I can see why that particular chat stresses Dad out, yeah.
BROTHER: So it looks pretty cloudy around here. Did you have a plan?
ME: I HAVE SPENT THE LAST TWO DAYS TRYING TO MAKE A PLAN AND I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, THANK YOU
BROTHER: … right, I'm just gonna pull into this parking lot for a municipal park. We've got a few hours, maybe it'll clear up
ME: And hey, if not, I'm running on like 60 hours of no sleep! I'll probably just hallucinate an eclipse, anyway!
BROTHER: I should mention this car's seats recline nicely for nap purposes
ME: God, it's good to be around someone who gets me
HOLY SHIT, AN ECLIPSE
BROTHER: Still cloudy, I guess?
ME: Well, hey! It's a light enough cloud cover that I can see the eclipse without the glasses!**
ME: But in my capacity as a Science Communicator, I feel I am obligated to add that you definitely probably shouldn't do that
BROTHER: These glasses work pretty well! I can't see a damn thing!—hang on, wait, the clouds are lifting just a bit!
THE BIRDS AROUND THE PARK: uh, why is it getting dark? Is it evening birdsong time? Is it bedtime?
ME: I can imagine that an animal brain would lose it a bit if unscheduled nighttime suddenly occurred, yeah. It's getting kinda dim out here, and kinda cold
BROTHER: I mean, that's just cloudy weather, right? I don't see what the big deal is
ME: We're getting toward totality! And I think the clouds are gonna clear; we'll be able to look at the sun clearly for it!
BROTHER: … but don't, right?
ME: Nah, you can stare at the sun all you want during totality. Knock yourself out.
The clouds didn't clear, but the moment of totality was unmistakable! Suddenly, at 3:18 in the afternoon, the whole sky darkened to night levels. I could see the horizon—clear as it was—turning a stunning Mordor-orange, and all the kids at the park started screaming with delight. And then—
BROTHER: Hey, it's clearing up a bit right at sunward!
ME: OH HOLY SHIT, THE CORONA
I may have screamed, because we got a goddamn rainbow of a corona! Just a glimpse, but it was gloriously psychedelic, or possibly it was a sleep-deprived hallucination. It was impressively dramatic and showy, though! I may have done a full-body binky of delight.
And then, like somebody clicked the light back on, the shadow moved away.
BROTHER: Well, good, my animal brain was starting to panic there, I don't mind telling you. That was WEIRD
BROTHER: But totally worth it!
BROTHER: Now, are you up for a 6-hour drive back to my place?
THE UNDISCLOSED LOCATION WHERE MY BROTHER LIVES
BURGIE: Thank you for the unicorns, Tia Mia! Let's make them!
ME: Right, okay, uh, Tia Mia's pretty tired and all that …
BURGIE: LET'S MAKE THEM ALL RIGHT NOW
And then Burgie graciously gave me two of the unicorns, and gave me some to take home for Mom and Dad, and tried to remember their names.
BROTHER: Ha, and you thought you were going to go home with less in your suitcase! Take that!
BURGIE: *inspired* Do you have a notebook? You can write down the unicorns' names! Then you'll remember them!
BURGIE: I wanna write them!
BURGIE: How do you spell "Jaxie"?
ME: J.
BURGIE:
BURGIE:
BURGIE: What does J look like, again?
So we had a very nice day hanging out with my brother, Burgie, and occasionally his cryptid wife, who is pregnant with twins and dwells in her room most of the day, periodically emerging to shuffle around tiredly and mumble comments. Everyone except Burgie was pretty tired for various reasons, so I was glad I had elected to only spend one day with them. But what a day it was!
BROTHER: This was really great! Also, are you available to come join us for the third trimester?
BROTHER: I think The Twins are going to knock us for a loop at that point
ME: Uh
ME: Sure?
And then it was a longass couple of train rides home, and I can't believe I spent that many hours on trains without having to investigate one murder. Possibly pop culture has infected me, but I'm pretty sure it was only my exceptional Spanish-language skills*** that saved that one FaceTiming lady in coach from getting Orient Expressed. So I returned a hero!
Now I just gotta be patient and the next eclipse will pass right by me in 21 years! No trains necessary!
*The announcements tell you to do something, but then people do something else! WHOSE CUES DO I FOLLOW
**But seriously, don't do that
***"Señora, ¡su teléfono hace demasiado ruido!"
THE BIG TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE OF 2017
ME: Wow, I would have to go slightly north to see totality! I am not up for a traffic-jammed road trip
ME: I volunteer to stay at the Space Place and do Eclipse Activities, allowing my other coworkers to travel!
ME: In exchange, I only ask for a suitcase full of money
SPACE PLACE:
ME: Or the next couple of eclipses guaranteed off
SPACE PLACE: eh, sure
PREVIOUSLY ON ECLIPSE ADVENTURE:
A traffic-jammed road trip!
THE NOT-VERY-CLOSE PATH OF TOTALITY
ME: Good news, bro! I'm gonna be in your direction! How about if I send you a map of totality and you pick a city to meet me in?
MY BROTHER: Oh, you want me to do a traffic-jammed road trip? I see how it is
ME: Also, I will be taking the train because air travel is LITERALLY THE WORST
MY BROTHER: Okay. How's Buffalo, New York sound?
ME: I dunno, how's the springtime weather in Buffalo?
BROTHER: Unpredictable. But you can see my new house and hang out with Burgie for a day!
ME: SOLD
So I bought a make-your-own-unicorn kit as an offering for Burgie and was on my way!
FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE; HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION
CONDUCTOR: Hello, passengers. So, funny story: due to completely unforeseen events, cruising through the Rocky Mountains in April has encountered blizzard conditions and high winds, which we do not want to go through because high winds can lead to an undesirable condition called "the train falling over"
CONDUCTOR: We don't want that, so we're staying here in Winter Park, Colorado for the entire night!
CONDUCTOR: This means if you're trying to catch another train in Chicago, you're going to be 22 hours late for it and probably miss the eclipse
CONDUCTOR: Sorry about that
CONDUCTOR: But we'll be in Denver tomorrow and, just an observation, there's a train that goes directly from our station in Denver to the airport
CONDUCTOR: if you have a fun sense of irony
CONDUCTOR: Just saying
ME: Ah, fuck
And thus began my wacky Planes, Trains, and Automobiles gotta-get-there adventure!
EXPEDIA: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, I've got a ticket for you
EXPEDIA: How does a flight to Las Vegas sound for the first leg of the trip?
ME: That's the opposite of the way I want to go?
EXPEDIA: Look, do you want to see this eclipse or not
ME: Well, I do have to get to Burgie, otherwise what the hell am I gonna do with all these unicorns?
So I motherfucking went through the goddamn TSA line, and I dragged my carry-ons around to terminal gates, and I endured that ambient sound in the airplanes and the miserable stress positions the sadistic capitalists who design airplane cabins put you in, and I tried to tease out the Hidden Rules that always plague me when I travel in queues and things,* and I gotta say that pieces falling off of airplanes lately is not even in my top 20 reasons why I was Not Fucking Happy, But by god I made it Buffalo the day of the eclipse!
It was kinda cloudy.
Great.
TRAPPED IN THE FAMILY GROUP TEXT
AUNT: How are you doing? You must be arriving by now! Thinking of you! 🚂🛤️🚂🚂🚅🚄
AUNT: [helping] *texts a giant PDF of times of totality across the country*
MOM: Okay, allow me to explain in a wall of text how Amelia took a plane instead because the train got snow on it.
AUNT: How awful! ☹️
AUNT: You're so resourceful finding a way there! ✈️🧳💕
AUNT: I hope you can meet up with your brother soon! 🥰💕💕
AUNT: Tell him I'm thinking of him ! 💖🥰💕
AUNT: This is so exciting!
MOM: And your sister should be getting back from her tropical trip with her, ahem, fiancé today!
AUNT: Don't you think it's so romantic how he proposed? 💕💍😍💕
AUNT: Did you find each other yet?
WHAT I WOULD HAVE ANSWERED HAD I NOT BEEN TRYING TO CLAIM MY BAG (FUCKIN AIR TRAVEL): NO, SOMEBODY KEEPS BLOWING UP OUR PHONES WHILE WE TRY TO COMMUNICATE, SHUT UP
WHAT MY EXTREMELY DIPLOMATIC BROTHER ACTUALLY SAID: Hey all – maybe don't use the group chat while I'm trying to find Amelia, please. Really hard to drive and coordinate
MOM: Okay, sorry
AUNT: Oh, sorry!
AUNT: I'll stop now.
AUNT: Hope you find her!
AUNT: Don't go to sleep or anything, the eclipse is soon! 🌘😎
Finally got my bag from the baggage attendant holding it hostage (WHY, AIR TRAVEL) and met up with my brother!
BROTHER: I guess it's nice that we include Aunt in the family group chats, but
ME: I can see why that particular chat stresses Dad out, yeah.
BROTHER: So it looks pretty cloudy around here. Did you have a plan?
ME: I HAVE SPENT THE LAST TWO DAYS TRYING TO MAKE A PLAN AND I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, THANK YOU
BROTHER: … right, I'm just gonna pull into this parking lot for a municipal park. We've got a few hours, maybe it'll clear up
ME: And hey, if not, I'm running on like 60 hours of no sleep! I'll probably just hallucinate an eclipse, anyway!
BROTHER: I should mention this car's seats recline nicely for nap purposes
ME: God, it's good to be around someone who gets me
HOLY SHIT, AN ECLIPSE
BROTHER: Still cloudy, I guess?
ME: Well, hey! It's a light enough cloud cover that I can see the eclipse without the glasses!**
ME: But in my capacity as a Science Communicator, I feel I am obligated to add that you definitely probably shouldn't do that
BROTHER: These glasses work pretty well! I can't see a damn thing!—hang on, wait, the clouds are lifting just a bit!
THE BIRDS AROUND THE PARK: uh, why is it getting dark? Is it evening birdsong time? Is it bedtime?
ME: I can imagine that an animal brain would lose it a bit if unscheduled nighttime suddenly occurred, yeah. It's getting kinda dim out here, and kinda cold
BROTHER: I mean, that's just cloudy weather, right? I don't see what the big deal is
ME: We're getting toward totality! And I think the clouds are gonna clear; we'll be able to look at the sun clearly for it!
BROTHER: … but don't, right?
ME: Nah, you can stare at the sun all you want during totality. Knock yourself out.
The clouds didn't clear, but the moment of totality was unmistakable! Suddenly, at 3:18 in the afternoon, the whole sky darkened to night levels. I could see the horizon—clear as it was—turning a stunning Mordor-orange, and all the kids at the park started screaming with delight. And then—
BROTHER: Hey, it's clearing up a bit right at sunward!
ME: OH HOLY SHIT, THE CORONA
I may have screamed, because we got a goddamn rainbow of a corona! Just a glimpse, but it was gloriously psychedelic, or possibly it was a sleep-deprived hallucination. It was impressively dramatic and showy, though! I may have done a full-body binky of delight.
And then, like somebody clicked the light back on, the shadow moved away.
BROTHER: Well, good, my animal brain was starting to panic there, I don't mind telling you. That was WEIRD
BROTHER: But totally worth it!
BROTHER: Now, are you up for a 6-hour drive back to my place?
THE UNDISCLOSED LOCATION WHERE MY BROTHER LIVES
BURGIE: Thank you for the unicorns, Tia Mia! Let's make them!
ME: Right, okay, uh, Tia Mia's pretty tired and all that …
BURGIE: LET'S MAKE THEM ALL RIGHT NOW
And then Burgie graciously gave me two of the unicorns, and gave me some to take home for Mom and Dad, and tried to remember their names.
BROTHER: Ha, and you thought you were going to go home with less in your suitcase! Take that!
BURGIE: *inspired* Do you have a notebook? You can write down the unicorns' names! Then you'll remember them!
BURGIE: I wanna write them!
BURGIE: How do you spell "Jaxie"?
ME: J.
BURGIE:
BURGIE:
BURGIE: What does J look like, again?
So we had a very nice day hanging out with my brother, Burgie, and occasionally his cryptid wife, who is pregnant with twins and dwells in her room most of the day, periodically emerging to shuffle around tiredly and mumble comments. Everyone except Burgie was pretty tired for various reasons, so I was glad I had elected to only spend one day with them. But what a day it was!
BROTHER: This was really great! Also, are you available to come join us for the third trimester?
BROTHER: I think The Twins are going to knock us for a loop at that point
ME: Uh
ME: Sure?
And then it was a longass couple of train rides home, and I can't believe I spent that many hours on trains without having to investigate one murder. Possibly pop culture has infected me, but I'm pretty sure it was only my exceptional Spanish-language skills*** that saved that one FaceTiming lady in coach from getting Orient Expressed. So I returned a hero!
Now I just gotta be patient and the next eclipse will pass right by me in 21 years! No trains necessary!
*The announcements tell you to do something, but then people do something else! WHOSE CUES DO I FOLLOW
**But seriously, don't do that
***"Señora, ¡su teléfono hace demasiado ruido!"
