Me'n'Dad Versus Westerns
Jan. 30th, 2012 10:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodyrosemccoyMom's out of town, and so Dad and I are having us some Bonding Time. And by that I mean we keep eating tacos, talking about BRAAAAAINS,* and tuning into the All-Westerns Channel.
Ever been on the All-Westerns Channel? It's great. No matter when you turn it on, you're totally up to speed. You know--good guy, bad guy, sheriff, saloon doors, cattle stampede, prostitutes ... I should make bingo cards. Dad keeps ticking off the western tropes, I track bad technical execution, and both of us do color commentary.**
DAD: Look at all the Italian names! Is this a genuine spaghetti western?
ME: Yeah, but it says it was filmed in Israel. Because of course Italy just won't do for a Western. AUTHENTICITY.
LADY ONSCREEN: Welcome to Mexico! My name is Juanita.
DAD: Full name is Juanita Shoshana Rosenberg.
***
ME: I feel like this movie is a bit hostile to women. The lovingly storyboarded mass assault on the Ladies of Pleasure is a clue.
DAD: Not to mention the way they interrupted that sequence to bring you a completely different assault scene.
***
DAD: Hey, look! It's the Grand Tetons! Oh, man, Jackson ... we ought to go there again. Look at that scenery!
ME: I think something's supposed to be happening in front of the scenery.
DAD: I really don't care.
***
ME: Wow, I'll give this movie credit. Instead of just separating Good Guys and Bad Guys, it takes some time to examine the repercussions of the usual Lawman-Takes-Down-The-Lawbreakers scenario and the grey areas therein, and these cowboys actually talk about their feelings a bit.
DAD: Yeah. Boring, isn't it?
***
ME: It's always infuriating to watch a Doris Day movie. Every single man in the film bosses her around and manhandles her and talks at her like she's an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old, but it's hard to side with her character when she's always written as an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old. It's hard to know who to cheer for.
DAD: In cases like that, I cheer for the cattle stampede.
ME: ... Good idea. Get them all, cattle!
***
I am a little embarrassed at how many of these old actors I know primarily from their appearance in MST movies, but hey, at least I can keep up a bit. The rest, like I said, isn't all that hard to follow, anyway.
*In a neurological sense, not a zombological one. Sorry.
**Or black-and-white commentary, as the case may be.
Ever been on the All-Westerns Channel? It's great. No matter when you turn it on, you're totally up to speed. You know--good guy, bad guy, sheriff, saloon doors, cattle stampede, prostitutes ... I should make bingo cards. Dad keeps ticking off the western tropes, I track bad technical execution, and both of us do color commentary.**
DAD: Look at all the Italian names! Is this a genuine spaghetti western?
ME: Yeah, but it says it was filmed in Israel. Because of course Italy just won't do for a Western. AUTHENTICITY.
LADY ONSCREEN: Welcome to Mexico! My name is Juanita.
DAD: Full name is Juanita Shoshana Rosenberg.
***
ME: I feel like this movie is a bit hostile to women. The lovingly storyboarded mass assault on the Ladies of Pleasure is a clue.
DAD: Not to mention the way they interrupted that sequence to bring you a completely different assault scene.
***
DAD: Hey, look! It's the Grand Tetons! Oh, man, Jackson ... we ought to go there again. Look at that scenery!
ME: I think something's supposed to be happening in front of the scenery.
DAD: I really don't care.
***
ME: Wow, I'll give this movie credit. Instead of just separating Good Guys and Bad Guys, it takes some time to examine the repercussions of the usual Lawman-Takes-Down-The-Lawbreakers scenario and the grey areas therein, and these cowboys actually talk about their feelings a bit.
DAD: Yeah. Boring, isn't it?
***
ME: It's always infuriating to watch a Doris Day movie. Every single man in the film bosses her around and manhandles her and talks at her like she's an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old, but it's hard to side with her character when she's always written as an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old. It's hard to know who to cheer for.
DAD: In cases like that, I cheer for the cattle stampede.
ME: ... Good idea. Get them all, cattle!
***
I am a little embarrassed at how many of these old actors I know primarily from their appearance in MST movies, but hey, at least I can keep up a bit. The rest, like I said, isn't all that hard to follow, anyway.
*In a neurological sense, not a zombological one. Sorry.
**Or black-and-white commentary, as the case may be.
