Hormwn'd!

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Good lord. I ought to just start liveblogging my PMS Movie Adventures, because it seems that my reproductive organs have taken my blasé attitude toward them as a CHALLENGE. The last few lycanthropic cycles have been a tour de force of hormones messin’ with my head.

This month, I could feel it coming on. Now, you may recall that last time I was in this quadrant of the month a goddamn Tinker Bell movie made me cry, and I am not just taking a crack at the bad voice acting.* A throwaway joke honestly made me choke up. But even though I was an emotional minefield, I still wanted to watch a movie. “So,” I asked myself, “to avoid this problem, what is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Tinker Bell?”

The answer, obviously, is David Cronenberg.**

So I figured I’d watch the ’80s version of The Fly, as I’d only seen the ’50s version with Vincent Price before. Slimed-up remakes of old-timey sci-fi, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers or The Thing, may inspire a lot of emotions, but weepy sniffles aren’t among them.***

And such was the case, mostly. Then I got to the end, and Howard Shore had attached a tender love theme to the bittersweet moment when Geena Davis blasts Jeff Goldblum’s grossly deformed head clean off with a shotgun, and my body chemistry was all “THIS IS MOVIE IS THE SADDEST EVER MADE. Also, disgusting.”

And that’s how I found myself misty-eyed over the kind of movie that normally makes my black little heart go “Hooray for body horror!” How do I know it was the hormones responding? Because the teleBrundlepodfly didn’t make me think “What a horrific fate!” but rather “I WILL TAKE IT HOME AND CALL IT GEORGE, BECAUSE THAT HIDEOUS MISERABLE AGONIZED THING IS ADORABLE. Also, disgusting.” Which I’m pretty sure would not be my response the OTHER 75% of the time. But I suppose my responses then would be far less entertaining, too.

So! Tinker Bell and David Cronenberg are out. Let’s experiment and see what unlikely movies’ll make me cry next month! Any recommendations?


*Dear Rob Paulsen: Yes, even you. I expect this kind of bullshit from Jesse McCartney, but you are a voice acting king, my friend. I'd expect you to do at least a passable Scottish accent, but let's face it, the one you're working here is about on par with Eddie Izzard's attempt at an American accent. You may want to practice, is what I'm saying.

**Other acceptable answers: Stanley Kubrick, Jason Statham, the Alien Queen, Batman.

***Although a certain level of discomfort is. What is with so many ’80s movies’ commitment to staggeringly creepy gender dynamics? I seriously want to call the police while I watch.

Comments

[marag.livejournal.com]

Haha! You should try being pregnant. Everything made me cry. Commercials, dramas, comedies...

I think pretty much the only thing that didn't make me cry was Tabitha's Salon Makeover, which may explain why I spent much of my first trimester watching every single episode. There were one or two other Bravo shows that I could watch safely, but I can't recall what they were.

[beccastareyes]

Cooking shows?

[fenmere.livejournal.com]

Mars Attacks

Tremors

Tremors II

Tremors III

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera

Transformers

Transformers II

Alien Resurrection

Ooh, ooh! Starship Troopers!

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

1) 2001- Hal's fate choked *me* up, and I didn't have your excuse.

2) The Terminator.

3) Eraserhead- poor wittle slimy uggums!

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

ooh, and Life of Brian!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Those may be safe, unless they're Throwdown With Bobby Flay. (He gets so SAD when he wins!)

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Transformers II is right out, for two reasons: first, that we hates it (LOVE the first one. No, I don't know what the difference was), and second because despite my hatred it ALREADY makes me choke up. Optimus dying always makes me sniffly, despite the awfulness of the source material and knowing that he'll be back in a little while. I am weird like that.

But Alien Resurrection and Tremors are intriguing ideas ...

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

...which is pretty much my answer to everything, actually.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Oh, GOD. My hormones are already a thick enough soup as it is. My plan to never ever get pregnant still seems like a very good one.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I should definitely watch that. I've heard enough about it ...

[sofish-sasha.livejournal.com]

How 'bout A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell? Haven't seen it myself, but some day I'm going to, if only for the title. Other films I want to see mostly because of their titles are Gladiator Cop´and Exterminator City.

[marag.livejournal.com]

It's an excellent plan :D

[westrider.livejournal.com]

You totally need to see Buckaroo Banzai if you haven't yet.

I think it actually took a certain level of genius to put together a movie like that, where every scene works just fine in and of itself, but the more of them you watch, the less sense the whole thing makes.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death is another good one in that vein.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

On a vaguely similar level: Repo Man.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

OK, with that added to what else I've heard about Repo Man, It's now on my "Must See" list.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Metaquoted!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, of all the words in that title, "Avocado" is the one that has me the most curious.

[midnightvoyager]

Pan's Labyrinth.

...Wait, no, that's heartrendingly sad, uh, one sec... umm...

I was gonna say Hot Fuzz, but there's that one bit... uh...

I have it, The Tick! The cartoon!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

By GOD, the fairy tale aspects of Pan's Labyrinth were REAL, because otherwise I would cry like an idiot just thinking about the ending.

I mean, I do either way, but STILL.

[midnightvoyager]

[Note: I disliked the second, loved the first. If you haven't seen it, I liked the third quite a lot. The comedic relief crap was toned down and if a character was comic relief, they were often made useful, knew when to shut up, and/or were bussed/killed. The Twins did not make an appearance, even to die, which was fine with me! But you should not see it while sniffly]

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Waiting for one o' my movie buddies to free up his schedule before I see it, but yeah, I have hopes that I will enjoy the third and can pretend the second never happened.

[theredoormouse.livejournal.com]

Here via metaquotes with the suggestion:

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

No really! That's a real movie! It's too awful (mostly intentionally) to make you cry no matter how bad your hormones are.

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

For movies, maybe MST3K?

My 1st fiancee, back in my college days, was on Prednisone for a long period due to medical malfeasance.*

It really messed with her hormones; towards the end of the 5th month on it, she was crying during a commercial because "there's a baby, and he's sad, and Oh GOD!"

*It turned out that that after 4 years in an out of hospitals and over $200K in medical bills, she did not have Crone's disease, she had chronic appendicitis. Or in the words of the emergency room doctor who finally correctly diagnosed her, "Some damned incompetent fool was looking at padding his bank account. I'd like to strangle that sonuvabitch."

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

(stupid no editing on free accounts...)

The ER doctor also said that any 1st year medical student should have been able to spot this immediately.

[tempestteapot.livejournal.com]

I cried over the picture of a mom and boy on the pancake syrup in the store. I was SO happy when I finally had my kid...and my normal hormones back.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

It really is the word that makes it stand out. It's actually part of the plot, too, the Cannibal Women are cutting off the US supply of Avocados, resulting in a potential Avocado Gap with the USSR (Yeah, it's Cold War Era Movie).

While we're speaking of Avocados, have you ever read The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death by Daniel Pinkwater? I remember it being really good, but haven't read it since I was a kid. Need to hunt it up again.

[tabbyclaw.livejournal.com]

That is the prefect description of that movie.

I was forced ot watch it a couple years ago, with no warning as to what I was getting into. I still haven't forgiven that friend.

[marag.livejournal.com]

Pet food commercials! All those adorable little animals killed me every time.

OMG, I hated being pregnant so much.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Forgive them for what? Exposing you to a totally awesome movie?

Here from Metaquotes

[khatru.livejournal.com]

I was in the process of looking up the name of the OMG awful movie someone showed at a sex party once (yes, a sex party) that involved zombies and teenagers at a religious camp, and porn, and ... and then I remembered why I had tried SO HARD to forget it, mainly the awful songs in it, and so before I do remember that I'm stopping, but you should totally go find it. I expect you'll realize it when you do.

BTW, in googling 'movie zombies camp porn' there were links to a gay zombie porn movie that was banned in australia somewhere. That might be amusing enough to watch...

You should watch THIS

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

I thought of you instantly.

Lowest possible winning score for S. Mario Bros!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIKEVSZITps&feature=player_embedded

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

This has nothing to do with the movie.

But Christine Lavin wrote a song based on the title.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3VUPuvUBW0

(it is about the same movie, in the movie Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death it's the Piranah Women who are the titular cannibals)

[purple-alicorn.livejournal.com]

The most awesome bad movie ever...

[cantras.livejournal.com]

My husband and I watched that on our first date.

His defense (because when we say that, people give him o.O face) is "What, it WORKED, didn't it?"

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

It is indeed easy to pretend the second never happened. I never watched #2, and I don't feel like I was missing anything.

[kira-snugz.livejournal.com]

theres this washington lottery commercial, where in a penguin is hooked up to a glider and taken flying. thinking about it makes me cry.

there was this one canadian olympic commercial during the van games that was one penguin trying to hop up on a tall ice block and failing. another penguin pushes a smaller block over. absolutely made me melt down. my husband starting preemptivly changing the channel the moment he saw penguins.


yet strangely i do not cry when i watch docu stuff that shows baby penguins getting eaten.