bloodyrosemccoy | Music Round-Up! (Reply)

Now, I know most of y’all usually find this obnoxious, but god damn I love me some Christmas music. I like to sing them and I like the fact that there are so many versions of the same damn song and that the version can make or break it, and I like feeling like it’s THE HAP-HAPPIEST SEASON OF ALLLLL—er. Sorry.

Except.

Goddamn store I work at now has a looped CD going all damn day every day. This wouldn’t be so bad if they had good songs, but no, what they have seems to be mostly made up of select tracks from A Very Crooner Christmas, and the rest are—I am not making this up—beatmaster remixes of crooner Christmas songs. I did not even know they made those. I still do not know why.

So here’s what I’d do if I were in charge of the Christmas playlist:

James Taylor’s version of “Jingle Bells.” I was torn with James between that and his version of “Deck the Halls,” which is my favorite Christmas tune—and in James’s version he includes my favorite, oft-forgotten verse*—but I had to go with “Jingle Bells” just because of James’s tendency to forget what he’s singing while he’s singing it, which in this song leads him to belt out the immortal line “Jingo bachee bopachetan fetan blatzen bleechen.”
Eurythmics’ version of “Winter Wonderland.” It’s Eurythmics, dammit.
“Christmas Is All Around,” performed by Bill Nighy. Naked. With Santa Bitches dancing behind him. Okay, I really only have this song on my list because it reminds me of Billy Mack in Love Actually. And they add some subtle humor in the song about how it's a redone Christmas song and he forgets to sing the Christmas parts.
Gary Hoey’s version of “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” It’s a heavy-metal version of “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” IT IS A HEAVY-METAL VERSION OF “YOU’RE A MEAN ONE, MR. GRINCH.”
Rockapella also does a good version of “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” with Barry Carl’s creepy-cool deep voice as the main attraction. I also like their "Glow Worm/It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas."
The Drifters’ version of “White Christmas.” This is the one that you’ve probably heard that has the guy in the middle suddenly launch into a falsetto “And I-YI-YI am DREA-ming … of a WHITE … CHRIST-maasss!” It’s fantastic.
The Nutcracker Suite. The Trepak is especially fun if you play the bass, because you actually get to play some of the melody! Even though mostly you actually just play G a lot.
“It Feels Like Christmas” from the Muppet Christmas Carol. One of the best movies ever made, and you are not allowed to argue.
Also, the Muppets do the best version of “Jingle Bell Rock”—I love me some Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
Mariah Carey singing “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” Another guilty pop pleasure.
America’s version of “Let it Snow.” Gerry Beckley’s “Oh” at the beginning is adorable.
“A True Blue Miracle” from Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, the not-Elmo version. Runners-up for Sesame Street would be “Keep Christmas With You,” performed by Bob, Linda,** and some kids, and “I Hate Christmas.” Guess who sings that?
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band’s “Colorado Christmas.” Shut up, I can like country.
Stevie Wonder’s “What Christmas Means To Me.”
The drunken fish song, AKA “Los Peces En El Rio.” You think English-language carols have some dumb lyrics?*** Listen to this song. It sounds awesome and then you translate it and they’re singing about fish having a drunken party while the Virgin Mary washes diapers. No, really. No, really.
The One-Up Mushrooms’ “Super Mario’s Sleigh Ride.” If you have played Super Mario World and heard the song “Sleigh Ride,” this is the funniest thing ever.
Andy Williams’ “It’s the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.” Yeah, he’s a crooner, but this song’s pretty good anyway.
“Für Elise,” done by the Vince Guaraldi Trio. SHUT UP IT IS TOTALLY A CHRISTMAS SONG IT WAS ON THE CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS CD. Also probably “O Christmas Tree” from that same album, and definitely “Linus and Lucy.”
José Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad.” “I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
“The Galician Carol,” performed by Mithril.
Mannheim Steamroller’s two-part hit, “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen” (Renaissance version) and “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” (crazy rock version). Actually, most of the older Steamroller is some of the most goddamn badass Christmas music ever—and they have the only tolerable version of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” I know of.
Also they do an excellent “Coventry Carol.”
Okay, I lied. Actually, the Temptations also do a pretty fun version of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas.” I like to belt this one out.
Just as a special note, Eartha Kitt is the only person in the Universe allowed to sing “Santa Baby.”