A Rare Power-Up

Took my sister to get her cast upgraded yesterday. So far she’s been making do with a splint—a plastery chunk under an ace bandage and a bunch of athletic tape. Which was all fine and dandy, but lacked a certain je ne sais quoi, which in this case means “giant cybertronic anime-character boot.” The doctors had to correct that.

So first we went into the Chamber Of Getting Your Cast Removed. There was a nice lady in the next berth over, patiently waiting to get her dainty wrist cast off. She smiled slightly at my sister and me as we came in, then watched uncertainly as a nurse wrestled with the splint.

NURSE: Sometimes—oof!—these come right—ARGH—off, and other times …
MY SISTER: THIS IS MY PAIN FACE.
NURSE: How did you (dammit!) break your ankle?
MY SISTER: I was riding my bike, and OH GOD OW.
ME: You know, that actually works as part of the story and an interjection of intense pain!
NURSE: *standing up* I’m gonna get the saw.

While she was hunting that down, a familiar voice in the hallway made me glance up. There was Dad, just wrapping up his semimonthly meeting with the ortho guys where they get together and discuss all possible senses of the phrase “pain in the ass.”

ME: Hi, Dad!
NURSES and DOCTORS: Oh, this is your dad? Blah blah nice to meet you my name is Dr. Hammersmash and this is Nurse Blackandecker blah blah …
MY SISTER: … Ow?
EVERYONE: How did this happen?
MY SISTER: I don’t care anymore.
NURSE: Right, yes, saw.
X-RAY TECH: Let me do that, all for my good buddy, your dad.

The X-ray guy found the saw—a little round one that sounded like a particularly angry dentist’s drill.

X-RAY GUY: I’m going in! Cover me!
NURSES: We got your back!
SAW: GREEEEAAAARRR
DAD and the OTHER DOCTORS: Blah blah medical blah blah important doctors blah blah how did it happen?
MY SISTER: OW GODDAMN
NICE LADY WITH THE WRIST CAST: *look of panic-stricken fight-or-flight*
MY SISTER’S CAST: BLAM
X-RAY GUY: Ta-da!
EVERYONE: HOORAY!
*Pythonesque pause*
SOME DOCTOR: So.
DAD: Yes.
MY SISTER: Ow.
X-RAY GUY: X-rays?
DOCTORS: X-rays!
DAD: X-rays!
NURSE: X-rays!
MY SISTER: X-OHGODOW-rays!

So they all trooped off to X-ray her. They gestured to me to come along.

I looked at the traumatized lady with the broken wrist. She was the only other person left in the room.

ME: … Anyway, how are you?

Fortunately, a nurse came back a moment later, so I could leave without feeling like I was abandoning the nice lady to a dark pit of bleak, lonely despair. My sister got her x-rays and had her stitches removed from the incision. Then they fitted her with a Walking Boot You Are Not Supposed To Walk In.

NURSE: How’s that?
MY SISTER: It’s … a little bit … big?
NURSE: It might be somewhat … large … yes …
ME: Oh, for crying out loud. It’s Kuribo’s Shoe.

They sent her home with it, but the darn thing was too big, and anyway it’s hard to stomp spinies when you aren’t supposed to put weight on your boot that was made for walking. So she went back today and got the delicate, ladies’ model of GIANT BOOT. She says it feels much less unmanageable, which is good, because she’s got to have it on for four weeks.

Though I still think we should’ve kept the first one. You never know when you’re going to have to punt a spiny, after all.