Fukitoff, Phase Two: The Side Effects Strike Back

This time the Joker had somehow managed to train the Cloverfield monster to follow his orders.

Of course, those orders turned out to be, “Carry on.”

My subconscious has got to be running out of redshirts by now.

Advent Calendar ~ Day 22!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

That would be the occasional castigation for saying “Happy Holidays!” to your customers, who usually take it the way you mean it. Every once in a while, though, someone will stiffen and turn around to give you a good dressing-down.

 

They shouldn’t pick me. I brook no bullshit. “You do know the ‘War on Christmas’ is a false controversy created by Bill O’Reilly in order to cynically garner more ratings during this season, right?  People have been saying ‘Happy Holidays’ at least since the 50s—I can give you proof in the form of songs recorded in that era. Furthermore, ‘happy holidays’ is all-inclusive, which I like since Christianity certainly does not have a monopoly on midwinter holidays. The existence of other holidays does not actually cancel out yours, or threaten it in any way; in point of fact, Christmas is one of the holidays implied in the ‘Happy Holidays’ greeting.  However, if you would prefer, I will wish you a happy Christmas and a completely miserable New Year. In fact, let’s take it a step further and just wish you misery all around, since wishing you happiness obviously is not working.”

 

Yet another example of my signature move, the Blinding Infodump.  I could go on and on, but people usually give up before I can even get this far.

 

Also, I do not add that the other holidays implied in there include not only trumped-up Chanukah, the many and varied forms of Yule, Kwanzaa, and the New Year, but also Hogswatch, Giftmas, Festivus, Xmas, Titmas, and Atheist Children Get Presents Day.  Midwinter: the Do-It-Yourself Holiday.