Let's Go To The Flow Chart

National Dog Day
Women's Equality Day
Heroes' Day (Namibia)

 

RESIDENCY APPLICATION: So! You are applying for residency here in the state, are you?  What makes you think you can make this bold claim?

AMELIA: I live here.

RA: Do you have a flag?

AMELIA: What?

RA: Never mind.  Can you prove you live here?

AMELIA: I will prove the hell out of it!

RA: We’ll just see about that. Where were you born?

AMELIA: San Francisco, California.

RA: AHA! When did you move to Utah?

AMELIA: Twenty years ago.

RA: Have you been here contnuously since then?

AMELIA: Yes.

RA: What about your parents? Where do they live?

AMELIA: Utah.

RA: Do you live with them?
AMELIA: Yes. In Utah.

RA: All right, lets move on to to school.  Salt Lake Community College will still count you as a resident of Utah if you have gone to school, or done military service, or gone on a mission for your church,* somewhere else.  Where did you go to school?

AMELIA: Oregon.

RA: AHA!  You are clearly not a resident!

AMELIA: No, I was not a resident of Oregon.  I paid out-of-state tuition.  On account of living in Utah.

RA: Huh. What about this Kenya business?  That is clearly not Utah.

AMELIA: Also school. And I did not become a citizen of Kenya. You will notice I was there on a student visa.

RA: You make a valid point.  But can you back any of these claims up?

AMELIA: Feast your eyes on my Utah driver’s license!

RA: Curses! Okay, final question: please sum up in a few sentences why you think you deserve residency status here in Utah.

AMELIA: I believe I should have residency status in Utah because I’ve lived in this damn state since I was two, and at the same address since I was four. If this does not grant me residency, then by god I give up entirely.

 

 

*Yes, they specify this one. What with this being, you know, Utah.

Demand Suddenly Skyrocketed. YOU ALL SAW IT!

For the last few months, The Job Market has been pretty much nonexistent. I’ve spent months digging around for something and haven’t gotten more than a couple of nibbles and one string-along.

 

But finally, this morning, the string-along came through. I accepted a job doing customer service phone something-or-other. It’s across town, $12 an hour, and I get to get yelled at by people for things I did not do. But hey, it’s a job, and it’s not like anybody else has contacted me.

 

This evening, my friend called me up. “I’ve found you a job offer!” she said. “My mom’s physical therapy place is in desperate need of a desk clerk! They pay $15 an hour and they are located [closer to your house than that other job you just accepted on Jupiter]! You can call them tonight!”

 

Which means that I may wind up quitting my other job less than 24 hours after I accepted it.

 

Why now, dammit? And why do things always happen in coincidences like that?

Nice to be wanted, I guess.