Bang! Bang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer Came Down Upon Her Head ...

Anniversary - Cellophane Tape
Birthday - Vincent Price (actor)
Birthday - Wild Bill Hickock (frontiersman)

 

AMELIA: Shower time! I sure love me a shower.

 

SOUNDTRACK: Ominous music

 

AMELIA runs the shower, then runs the elaborate temperature-testing algorithm to make sure she is not flash frozen or stripped of skin upon stepping into it.

 

SHOWER: Come in to my parlor!  As it were.

 

(shower goes on)

 

AMELIA: (washing hair) … Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery: “Say he must go free!”  The judge does not agree and he tells them sooo-oh-oh-oh ….*

 

SHOWER: EAT LAVA!

 

AMELIA: YEEEEEOWWW!

 

AMELIA retreats to the back corner of the shower, wresting with the shower curtain she was so damn happy about procuring a few months ago, with LAVA-HOT WATER pouring over her legs and the turny-button thing on the other side beyond a sudden WALL OF LAVA.

 

SOUNDTRACK: HWEEP! HWEEP! HWEEP! HWEEP!

 

AMELIA: GAH! OW!  SHIT!  WHY DID I BUY THIS SHOWER CURTAIN?!

 

AMELIA finally struggles free of the curtain and shower, dripping shampoo lather, and walks around to the other side to crank the knob.  She runs the temperature algorithm again and gingerly steps back in.

 

AMELIA: What the hell was that all about?

 

SHOWER: *looks away and whistles*

 

 

My plumbing is Norman Bates. If you never hear from me again, assume the U-Bend got me.

 

 

*For some reason showering always makes me want to sing this. Fitting, given the parallel I’m about to make.**

 

**And if you ever want to be entertained, watch someone when they first tune into the lyrics after having heard it all their lives.