Don't Need A Hero

Armed Forces Day
Babysitter Safety Day
UN World Telecommunication Day
Anniversary - 1st US Same-Sex Marriage
Birthday - Mia Hamm (soccer)
Constitution Day (Norway)

 

So I saw Prince Caspian on Thursday night, which was okay. The writers made a noble, but not necessarily cohesive, attempt to lengthen the story itself, and I will say it resulted in some serious ass-kicking on the parts of Edmund and Susan, who were bloody awesome.* Also awesome was Reepicheep, played by Eddie Izzard, who was so wonderful that at least one critic decided that he couldn’t possibly have been in the original book.

 

Except …

 

Caspian? Absolutely not hot, or in fact interesting in any way.**

 

I have this problem a lot: muscular Adonisy men with their features permanently frozen in a wooden representation of petulant angst are airbrushed, spraytanned, given a fancy hairdo, and splashed up on movie posters as Tormented Main Characters. They don’t act at all, except for a kind of petulant pout and a periodic attempt at “acting” that consists primarily of being petulant more loudly.*** This would be worse if they got more real characterization, but they don’t, so I guess a wooden performance isn’t too detrimental.

 

But the worst part is that I just do not find Hot Guys hot.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I still get attracted to physical features. But Hot Guys are not that type. I need something interesting to look at, something besides that look of self-conscious perfection.

 

Fortunately, there’s no dearth of the interesting characters with actual, you know, characteristics. Give me that over the Romance Novel Cover Hot Guy any day.

 

 

*Dammit, I don’t care what happened in that crack-fest that is The Last Battle. Fuck you, CS Lewis. In my capacity of a fan, with my superpower to accept parts I like and reject parts I don’t, I hereby declare that The Last Battle Doesn’t Count.

 

**Also too old to be Caspian.

 

***See: Hayden Christensen.