Amelia's Evil Subconscious Finally Crosses The Line

Carnival Season
Epiphany
Little Christmas
Twelfth Day
Three Kings Day
Admission Day (New Mexico)
Christmas (Armenian)
La Befana (Italy)

 

Happy Epiphany, everyone! Or ¡Feliz Día de los Tres Reyes Magos!, if you’d prefer.

 

To celebrate it, my evil subconscious decided that it would—gods help us all—make an epic dream featuring bad puns.

 

I was in a mixed class of Deaf and hearing ASL-speakers. I think it was supposed to be taught in ASL, but it wound up being a telepathic lecture.  A pair of suits, like a step down from the Men In Black, were teaching us something about the history of magic.  “Is anyone in here a mage?” one asked.

 

This was the call for the mages (I wasn’t one—the dream made this clear) to show off.  They did some floating-stuff Jean Grey junk, and then one girl in a sheer hippie shirt got up and released seven bats from her sleeves. I was impressed, even when one bat got stuck in my ear and then crawled around my hands feeling kinda creepy.  I excused myself to the bathroom, which was through the gym, and after I cleaned up the guano I exited. A Deaf student from the class was walking by the cheerleaders, and the coach started yelling at me to see whether he’d picked any of their pockets.  He clearly hadn’t, so I followed him and had a lengthy conversation with him in ASL—actual ASL—telling him to report that teacher for profiling him.

 

Then I went back to class, which ended, and then began the true intrigue. One of the professors in the school had drugged the bat girl and left her lying on a bed in one of the classrooms. His plan was to find the seven bats before she could, and then he would train them to play sports and thus they would follow his master plan: he was going to make the world’s first team of actual baseball bats.

 

At this point in the dream I actually paused and said, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” I may have to fire my subconscious for that.

 

But it was a dream, so I told the drugged girl I’d find the bats (not that she cared) and set about looking with the help of a demonic but adorable ginger kitten whose head kept falling off until I tied a ribbon around its neck.  And we set out into the sunset, to find some bats before we missed the bus back to campus. On to our next adventure!*

 

Yeah, even weirder than usual, I know.  There’s actually an explanation. The plan this year is to take the Fukitol every other day, thereby hoarding it for my trip to Kenya.  This means that I get to have withdrawal, which includes crazy dreams and rotating three pairs of pajamas each night because I’m sweating. With any luck that’ll taper off.

 

I’m not sure if stupid puns are also a side effect, but if they are I might have to wean myself completely.

 

 

*Some sort of Shrek fanfiction, I think.

And Now For Something Completely Different: Tea!

There are many variations on this recipe.  This particular one sounds disgusting. Do not knock it until you try it, however: I have been chugging it by the gallon since I got home.

 

Russian Tea*

 

1½ heaping spoonfuls** of Tang

1½ heaping spoonfuls of Lipton Instant Iced Tea

A couple ounces of peach Schnapps

 

Put the Tang and the tea into your nice big mug. Boil water and pour it into the mug; stir. Add Schnapps to taste and stir again. Watch out: it’s kind of sticky.

 

 

*“Why,” I hear you cry, “is it called Russian Tea?!”  And that’s a very good question.

 

**No, I don’t know how you make half a heaping spoonful either.  We tend to combine the two powdery ingredients together and then just scoop in three heaping spoonfuls.  Since the tea is heavier than the Tang, though, that method means that you may wind up chasing the tea around in a jar with your spoon to get enough.