You Never Hear About This From The Religious Right

Emergency Nurses Day
General Pulaski Memorial Day
National Bring Teddy Bear to Work & School Day
National Coming Out Day
UN International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
Anniversary - Saturday Night Live
Birthday - Eleanor Roosevelt (First Lady)

 

In the spirit of National Coming Out Day, I would like to come out now.

 

Not as gay.

 

Not really as straight, either. For some reason my head doesn’t really have little slots to put sex preferences in. It’s sort of like food. There are all sorts of things you may like, which may be diverse and sundry, but it’s all under the heading of ‘eating.’ I guess that makes me pansexual or something, or just confused.

 

I suppose I could come out as a geek, but y’all knew that already.

 

But here’s the thing.

 

I think I’m sort of asexual.

 

Yes, yes, I know. ‘Sort of asexual’ is like saying ‘almost infinite’—logically impossible. But it sounds better than classifying myself as ‘not really very sexual, you know, like it’s not a big thing in my life.’ I hear all these people going “Women need sex!” and “It’s all about the sex!” and “College kids are so horny,” and “We should all be healthy and enjoy our own personal preference!” and I think, “But my preference is to remain an indifferent do-it-yourselfer!”

 

It’s one of those things that’s difficult to explain to people. Nobody believes that I don’t care that much. My mom is firmly convinced that it’s one of the medications I’m on that’s keeping me uninterested, and everybody else thinks I’m just in some sort of repressive denial. Maybe I am. But the nice thing about either of those is that it doesn’t matter to me very much, so there’s no real reason to change it.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I find lots of things sexy in a lot of different ways. But there’s a big old difference between sexy and sexual. And I never understood the bit where everybody’s obsessed with it all the time.

 

I don’t know what that makes me, so it’s a little hard to come out as whatever it is. Even so, it’s as close as I’ve gotten to a conclusion, so I figured I’d share it.

 

I just love complication, don’t you?

Maybe Each Cross Was A Thing I Forgot

Columbus Day (Traditional)
Day of the Six Billion
International Moment of Frustration Scream Day
Dia De La Raza (Mexico)
Discovery Day (Bahamas)
Independence Day (Equatorial Guinea)
Hispanity Day (Spain)

 

(Scene: The Fortress of Terror. Liz, who doesn’t have class for a while, is sitting watching something on TV. Amelia, who should be going to class, enters.)

 

Amelia: I forgot about four things I need!

 

Liz: Your tea, for one.

 

Amelia: (snatches tea and dashes into her room) Yeah, and also chapstick and the paper I had to write for Anthro!

 

Liz: We can’t have that.

 

Amelia: (returning) But on the plus side, while I was coming back a little black cat crossed my path about six times.

 

Liz: Six?

 

Amelia: I was sort of chasing it.

 

Liz: Does that mean good luck or bad luck?

 

Amelia: I dunno. But if I get hit by a bus, a falling piano, and lightning all at the same time, you’ll know why.