PNEUMONIA

[bloodyrosemccoy]

SO ANYWAY THIS ONE TIME I GOT PNEUMONIA

Probably I'd Better Call A Doctor

OFFICE MANAGER: Thank you for calling this doctor's office! How can I help you?
ME: Well, I've got a bunch of pneumonia symptoms, and an image of Jim Henson just scrolled past my Facebook feed. I think I'd better see a doctor.
OFFICE MANAGER: Okay. The next appointments I have are either 7:30 tomorrow morning or two weeks from today.
ME: Probably I'd better take the seven-thirty one. I'm not sure I'll be alive two weeks from today.

Seven-Fucking-Thirty A.M. the Next Day

ME: Right, I got this. Drive down to the hospital, get an assessment, stop by the grocery store, back home for some rest.
MEDICAL ASSISTANT: Okay, I'm going to get your blood oxygen and your blood pressure ...
ME: Okay, that's great, but I just ... I think I need to lie down on the exam table ...
MEDICAL ASSISTANT: Wait, what?
ME: I'l just ... yeah. Down I go.
MEDICAL ASSISTANT: ... I guess you can stay there. Let me just take your temperature.
ME: *zzz*
MEDICAL ASSISTANT: in the hall HOLY SHIT IT'S 104.2°!
DOCTOR: also in the hall And you said she DROVE HERE HERSELF?

Gettin' A Chest X-Ray

INTAKE NURSE: Have you had any contact with anyone who might have had ebola recently?
ME: What, any of the four of them? NO.

One Chest X-Ray And Some Tylenol Later

DOCTOR: So it's totally pneumonia.
ME: You don't say.
DOCTOR: Go home. DO NOT DRIVE YOURSELF. Sleep. Push fluids. Take these antibiotics. Call if you get worse.
ME: I guess I'm not going to the grocery store today.

Sickness Behavior

Putting out an APB here: I will cough on the enemies of anyone who brings me chicken soup today.

— Amelia Rose (@AmeliaRoseWrite) April 28, 2015

If you bring grapefruit juice, I will also sneeze on them.

— Amelia Rose (@AmeliaRoseWrite) April 28, 2015

one hour later

ASPEN: Hey, I am at your door! I've brought you some cassoulet!
ME: Is ... is this an entire chicken?
ASPEN: And here is some grapefruit juice!
ME: ... I really did not expect that to work as well as it did.

Everyone Is A Helper

CAT: Hey, I'm feeling better! But I think I want to hang close to you. Like, really close. Like, I will accept nothing except sitting on your belabored chest.
ME: This is a ploy so that if you die you can take your food human to the afterlife with you, isn't it.

ME: *cough*
BIRD: *cough*
ME: *cough cough*
BIRD: *cough cough*
ME: Are you making fun of me?
BIRD: *cough snort cough*

ME: Hello, Aunt! I think I am dying. Can you come up and heat up this cassoulet for me? And feed the cat her prescription food? And maybe do some laundry for me?
AUNT: You bet!
ME: So far, you are the best helper.
AUNT: I like to think it's the RN training.

And now I'm feeling better, which means I went to get the car and I am watching David Attenborough's Life of Birds. I"m still planning to talk about the awesome Space Place Gala, but till then, let's hope I survive.

Comments

[dinogrrl.livejournal.com]

Cats are Helpful.

And I love it when birds mock people. There was one at the kennel where I used to work, of course she'd pick up the words I said incorrectly. Not that she said them clearly, but I could tell by the inflection that she was copying me >:[ jerk. (Actually she was pretty awesome, everyone loved her.)

Hope you get better soon. And have much chicken and grapefruit juice.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

I've heard of walking pneumonia before, but never driving pneumonia.... (sorry)

Hope you recover quickly! Pneumonia is a bitch so I hope your helpers continue helping!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Oh no! Hope you get over it fully and swiftly.

[kelkyag]

Yay Aspen! Yay Aunt! Wishing you a speedy recovery.

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

Grapefruit juice is the /best/. Next best is aunts who will give cats their meds.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

That's another side effect I've noticed of spending most of my time feeling cruddy: Our tolerance for it is way beyond most other people's and we end up just sort of dealing until we get to the point where medical professionals have difficulty believing we're still capable of conscious action :P

Hooray for chikkin and grapefruit juice and support networks in general, and best wishes on feeling better soon :)

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling better! I would've brought you soup, but I think it would have gotten cold on the way.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I confess to enjoying your twitter stream of late - mostly because I live out of coughing distance.

When a friend got the flu last last year, during her intake she said "and I haven't licked any Africans lately"

[deathling.livejournal.com]

Whoa dude, get better soon.