Me'n'Dad Versus Westerns

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Mom's out of town, and so Dad and I are having us some Bonding Time. And by that I mean we keep eating tacos, talking about BRAAAAAINS,* and tuning into the All-Westerns Channel.

Ever been on the All-Westerns Channel? It's great. No matter when you turn it on, you're totally up to speed. You know--good guy, bad guy, sheriff, saloon doors, cattle stampede, prostitutes ... I should make bingo cards. Dad keeps ticking off the western tropes, I track bad technical execution, and both of us do color commentary.**

DAD: Look at all the Italian names! Is this a genuine spaghetti western?

ME: Yeah, but it says it was filmed in Israel. Because of course Italy just won't do for a Western. AUTHENTICITY.

LADY ONSCREEN: Welcome to Mexico! My name is Juanita.

DAD: Full name is Juanita Shoshana Rosenberg.

***

ME: I feel like this movie is a bit hostile to women. The lovingly storyboarded mass assault on the Ladies of Pleasure is a clue.

DAD: Not to mention the way they interrupted that sequence to bring you a completely different assault scene.

***

DAD: Hey, look! It's the Grand Tetons! Oh, man, Jackson ... we ought to go there again. Look at that scenery!

ME: I think something's supposed to be happening in front of the scenery.

DAD: I really don't care.

***

ME: Wow, I'll give this movie credit. Instead of just separating Good Guys and Bad Guys, it takes some time to examine the repercussions of the usual Lawman-Takes-Down-The-Lawbreakers scenario and the grey areas therein, and these cowboys actually talk about their feelings a bit.

DAD: Yeah. Boring, isn't it?

***

ME: It's always infuriating to watch a Doris Day movie. Every single man in the film bosses her around and manhandles her and talks at her like she's an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old, but it's hard to side with her character when she's always written as an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old. It's hard to know who to cheer for.

DAD: In cases like that, I cheer for the cattle stampede.

ME: ... Good idea. Get them all, cattle!

***

I am a little embarrassed at how many of these old actors I know primarily from their appearance in MST movies, but hey, at least I can keep up a bit. The rest, like I said, isn't all that hard to follow, anyway.


*In a neurological sense, not a zombological one. Sorry.

**Or black-and-white commentary, as the case may be.

Comments

[shadesofmauve]

DAD: In cases like that, I cheer for the cattle stampede.

I like this way of thinking.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

*grin* Although given the rock-stupid nature of everyone in that movie, combined with the alarming lack of motor control that made them fall off horses and spill coffee and accidentally shoot guns and fall off horses into scalding hot coffee when their guns go off, I might place my money on the brain-eating amoebas finishing the job before the cattle can be bothered to spook.

[chairman-wow.livejournal.com]

I don't think we even have an All Westerns channel over here, and isn't that a tragedy.

That being said, I am always rooting for the cattle stampede.

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

As it is early, and I am up before my usual time, I read "cattle stampede" as centipedes... which would be a bit of a change up in my opinion.

[cougarfang.livejournal.com]

The mighty thundering of a million billion bajillion little feet as a majestic herd of centipedes stampedes across the Great Plains!

[fenmere.livejournal.com]

Ah, you make me sad that neither my dad nor I have cable. But at least I've got a dad who'd enjoy this as much as yours does!

[black-rider.livejournal.com]

I like your dad, hehe!

[caprine.livejournal.com]

ME: It's always infuriating to watch a Doris Day movie. Every single man in the film bosses her around and manhandles her and talks at her like she's an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old, but it's hard to side with her character when she's always written as an incompetent tantrumy four-year-old. It's hard to know who to cheer for.

DAD: In cases like that, I cheer for the cattle stampede.

BWAHAHAHA.

Permission to post to metaquotes?

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Be my guest!

[caprine.livejournal.com]

Here.

[greyduck.livejournal.com]

Here via Metaquotes and laughing like a loon, thank you!

Also, obligatory: "It just came to me, you know... stampede (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100814/)."

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

That icon makes me laugh every time.

[karma-aster.livejournal.com]

There's an All-Westerns Channel? What is this magnificance and why doesn't my cable company provide it?

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Yup. Its official title is Encore Westerns. I think it's a Starz channel.

[madripoor-rose.livejournal.com]

LOL!

(here from Marag's flist, friending you ok? because you're *hysterical*!)

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And nice to meet you.

[bigtitch.livejournal.com]

Here via Metaquotes and I this has reminded me that it's been far too long since I watched a film with a good cattle stampede in it. A stampede was always something the good cowboys could rely on to get rid of a few baddies when the cavalry was otherwise engaged.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

True--but those wily Bad Cowboys also had a tendency to stampede cattle to try to show the good guys who was boss. Curse you, bad guys!

[7tree-hugger.livejournal.com]

Also here via metaquotes. Also cheering the cattle stampede. Go, Cattle!