When You Come Home Late The Doll Is Waiting Up For You

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I kind of love Facebook’s advertisement algorithm. It comes up with the silliest associations based on what I say I like, and it’s always just slightly off-base, like a funhouse mirror of what my interests are.*

Like when I say I like American Girl dolls, Facebook decides I like DOLLS! ALL THE DOLLS! and keeps flinging doll ads at me. So I get ads for bullshit Toys R Us dolls and Monster High dolls and emo ball-jointed dolls and Remember The Good Old Days When Golden-Haired Children With Haphazard Teeth Screwed Up Their Faces And Cried While Wearing What Appears To Be A Layer Cake porcelain dolls, none of which interest me in the least.

But it’s all cool because the ads are entertaining, until out of nowhere they advertise a doll that will SCARE THE HELL OUT OF YOU.

Good god with ketchup. The only way I’d buy that doll is if they included a solid black option for the eyes—then I’d pop off the wig, airbrush the whole doll grey, and pose her outside the windows of UFO conspiracy theorists. But other than that, Facebook, no more creepy dolls, please.

Seriously. YOUR SOUL BELONGS TO THE DOLLS NOW


*It’s not quite as confused as Netflix, which still thinks I’m a precocious and ghoulish six-year-old boy—a whole different way of entertainment.

Comments

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Oh gods, those dolls.

The hazel eyes look reddish and hypnotic in a bad way. Oh gods, I'm scared now.

Netflix thinks I watch too much "Futurama" and "Invader Zim" so I must be someone who loves cartoons. Okay, so I look like I'm still in my early twenties while I'm in my early thirties, sure. But I am NOT twelve years old and I don't care about "Phineas And Ferb," Netflix.

Oh gods, the DOLLS. I wonder if Jeff Jacques knows. He could inflict them on Hannelore. Faye could inflict them on Hannelore. Poor, poor Hannelore.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I am so glad I'm not the only one who is terrified by the bloodshot "hazel" eyes.

Okay, so, over my strong objections, my sister convinced me to watch Phineas & Ferb--and it's actually ridiculously entertaining, way more so than it has any right to be. Which is not helping Netflix figure things out, either--yes, Netflix, I know I watch cartoons, but I'm really NOT interested in Dora the Explorer.

I wonder if Momo looks at all uncanny valley in her new chassis--or if she did in her old one, for that matter.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Yeah? Hmm. Okay, I'll check out a Phineas & Ferb episode. I'll probably enjoy it ridiculously.

I think Momo looks almost uncanny valley with the new chassis - enough for me to occasionally do a double take.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

The two shows are different on a lot of levels, but it's got something in common with Animaniacs in that a lot of the dialogue is designed for grownups while the show is slapsticky and silly enough for kids.

I think Momo must be, too, but I'm not good at judging drawings. I like that her pigtails seem to be rigid ball-joint units with involuntary controls, though.

[madcap-shiny.livejournal.com]

daflskjlakdjsf

NO

DDDDDDD:

[broken-moons.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear lord, those are creepy. And why are they wearing scrubs?

Wholly in favour of retooling one into classic ET mode, though.

[nobleplatypus]

OH GOD WHY DID I CLICK.

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

Facebook used to be convinced that I was a young mother desperately in need of baby clothes and a college education, and also pretty pink tack for my theoretical stable of horses.

Or that I wanted dessert. Boy, was it ever convinced that I wanted frozen yogurt and cupcakes.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I get the cupcake ones, too. Go figure.

The strangest ones are the ones that only target me because I am female. Really, Facebook, I don't need breast augmentation and have not mentioned my boobs at all on my page, so I'm not sure what gave you the idea other than that I, y'know, probably have breasts since I'm listed as female.

Or that ad for a game that just said "Women Love This Game!" Hey! I'm a woman! Maybe I'd like it!

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

The horse ones were the ones where I actually started noticing them tracking me to other websites. Because I happened to visit a blog about horse breeding a few times, for amusement, and suddenly... Buy our bright pink tack!

That was why my subsequent facebook account was quarantined in its own private browser.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I noticed the tracking because American Girl follows me everywhere--but the thing is, I leave Facebook in my many-tabbed browser because it's darn funny to see what they come up with, especially when I'm on fire with one of my crazy writing research binges. They never get it quite right.

[hrhleia.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, those dolls are creepy! The eyes are more realistic than a lot of dolls, but somehow it is just So Very Wrong. I'll stick with Kirsten or even Barbie any day over those.

[cougarfang.livejournal.com]

Aaaand that is why I have Adblock Plus. XD;;;;

One of my friends explained why she listed her gender as "male" - because listing as "female" got you bombarded by horrendously sexist ads for dieting, makeup, clothes, weddings, god knows what. At least guys got *variety*.

Also, Netflix is awfully confused because my boyfriend and I have very different viewing preferences, so it suggests just about nothing that we might ever be tempted to watch. =_=;;;

[cjtremlett.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Adblock makes life much better!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I don't block those ads, but I do have a blocker for other scripts. It's weird when I'm on someone else's browser and there are ads EVERYWHERE.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

God, yes, the sexist ads.

Thing is, though, I actually find them fascinating from the sociology perspective. So I'm listed as a "girl"--what do they assume goes with that keyword? (And yes, makeup, plastic surgery, and weddings. Also chocolate.) Same for any of the things I list as Likes. It's like playing Spot the Stereotype.

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Huh. I wasn't terribly disturbed by those dolls until I hit the page that offers mermaid and centaur lower bodies. Those, however, hit all kinds of creepy buttons.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Hah! I was waiting for someone to find that.

I kind of like the idea in theory, but in practice it's pretty terrible. Although I find it hilarious that the horse body is so puny. (You can see images of a fully assembled centaur doll in the site's catalog.) How does she stay upright?

[black-rider.livejournal.com]

They're really badly made, too. We encountered them in person at ComicCon last year.

[stormteller.livejournal.com]

It's the shape of the pupils that disturbs. They're not even something recognisable, like a feline slit or a capric rectangle, which would be less stranging. Instead, they're just sort of random oblongs, like a Rorschach test of bedevilment.
Also, Facebook keeps hitting me with Christian Singles, when it should be readily apparent that I'm not remotely interested in either of those things.

[sunshine-shaman.livejournal.com]

*ahem*

THE KILLER DOLLS!!!!!!

Thank you. That is all.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Well, THE HELL WITH THEM! LET'S! GOOOOOO!!!!!

[redbird57.livejournal.com]

I just clicked on the link, jump a little way back from my desk, and screamed "Holy shit!"

Even scared the cats.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

What I noticed first is that they can't consistently spell the word "Basic" ;)

The dolls actually don't bug me that much. Perhaps the fact that my Apartment is filled with Lovecraftian horrors anyhow has something to do with it.

[daiq.livejournal.com]

I frequently get adds inviting me to meet other hot gay men on cruises.... I am a straight female and am listed as such in my profile!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

But really, don't we ALL just want to hang out with hot gay men on cruises from time to time?