Blog Game Part II!

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Okay, everyone! Meme time wrapup. Y’all asked me questions, and now I provide the answers in the Mystery Characters Doing Stuff Meme! The players were:

1. Bilbo Baggins
2. Toph Bei Fong
3. Pilot
4.Pyanfar Chanur
5. Hank McCoy/Beast
6. Granny Weatherwax
7. Donald Duck
8. Digger-Of-Unnecessarily-Convoluted-Tunnels
9. Data
10. Old Spice Guy
11. Daja Kisubo
12. Keladry of Mindelan
13. Lando Calrissian
14. Uncle General Iroh
15. The Joker

Put them all together, and hijinks ensue!

fenmere asks: Characters 6 (Granny Weatherwax), 7 (Donald Duck), 13 (Lando Calrissian) and 15 (The Joker) are roasted in a play about their exploits together: When Hollywood mistakenly makes a movie out of it, which is funnier, the play or the failure of the movie? And, more importantly, why?

Well, for starters the casting choices were questionable, with Anne Hathaway playing Granny Weatherwax, Jackson Rathbone as Lando Calrissian, and Nicholas Cage playing the Joker only because, in the words of the casting director, “He whined, then pitched a tantrum, then held his breath until we gave him the role. It was pathetic.” Everyone agrees, however, that choosing Christian Bale for the role of Donald Duck was inspired.

Also, the studio executives decided to liven up the stunning climax, so that instead of Granny outfoxing the Joker by convincing him his imaginary audience was real and then setting him up to go back to Arkham as part of the “story,” they just have her bees sting him to death while Donald and Lando use the Millennium Falcon to blow up his giant clown-head death star.

ellenmillion asks: Character 1 (Bilbo Baggins) and 7 (Donald Duck) are stranded together in a storm. What do they do?

They decide to build a fire, only they mistakenly decide to let Donald try it first. After much Donaldian swearing and singeing of the Bag End carpets, Bilbo shoves him aside and pulls out his matches. Then he heads into the kitchen, saying he’s going to go make tea, while Donald turns on his radio to the Scary Stories Channel. Seeing Donald become more and more nervous as he listens to the scary stories, Bilbo decides to mess with him a bit. Out comes the Ring …

nobleplatypus asks: 3 (Pilot) wakes up in 10's (Old Spice Guy) bathtub with no recollection of how s/he got there. How did 3 wind up in the tub, and how does 10 react when s/he discovers 3?

Well, obviously this was because Old Spice Guy used both Old Spice bodywash and Old Spice Deodorant. This created a wormhole in his bathtub with an outlet in Pilot’s den, so that Pilot winds up sticking out of the hole, his top half in the bathtub and his bottom half still connected to Moya. Old Spice Guy is completely unfazed. All he says at first is “Hello, Pilot.” He also knows exactly what needs to be done: they must disperse the wormhole by spreading the use of Old Spice as widely as possible. He and Pilot set off on Round Two of the Old Spice Youtube ad campaign to convince people to smell like a man.

Finally sales go up enough that the wormhole vanishes, returning Pilot’s upper half to its rightful place. The rest of the people on the Leviathan are very pleased to have him back because, while he could still do some things through the DRVs, it was intensely creepy to see just the bottom half of their companion sitting there. Things return to normal, except that ladies inexplicably start hanging around Pilot’s den a lot.

Leonard Bernstein writes a comically overwrought opera about the life and times of 4 (Pyanfar Chanur). What is the show-stopping tune that precedes intermission?

That would be “Gods-Be Little Black Things,” a marathon song interweaving all of the previous numbers as the problems pile up on our heroic captain. It includes reprises from “The Pride’s Back In Port,” “Methane Sane,” “Hilfy Human Blues,” “Smokestick Jik,” “The Mahn’s A Man,” and “Sfik It To Me.”

michellerz says: 5 (Beast) spontaneously bursts into song. What does s/he sing? and who is more likely to join her/him in a duet, 8 (Digger) or 9 (Data)?

Beast probably starts singing opera. Digger and Data would both join him. Data would sing the words but not quite have the feeling. Digger would have the feeling, but half the words she’d be singing would be “something, something, la, la.”

cougarfang asks: 14 (Iroh) finds 2 (Toph) with incriminating evidence (on the order of "smoking gun"). What happens next?

Toph’s back to her old tricks as The Runaway, I see—fleecing the con men with their cups-and-balls gambit. Iroh catches her doing it and “accidentally” causes a con man to catch her, too. He then imparts some wisdom to them on the importance of honesty and then uses the cups from the game as teacups for the three of them. Unfortunately, the new friendship between Toph and the con man soon leads them right back to cheating when Iroh leaves—only now, they’re doing it together.

MOAR from nobleplatypus!

Your entire list is trying to survive an ongoing Zombie Apocalypse. Who bands together to increase their odds of survival? Who stubbornly goes it alone, becoming a badass zombie-slaying vigilante legend? Who is the first to die? Who gets bitten because they were too sentimental to behead a recently-turned friend or family member? Who falls in love? And who ultimately survives long enough to be rescued by special government forces rappelling out of helicopters?

Hmm, most of them would be willing to band together, although I can definitely see Toph becoming the zombie-slaying legend. The Joker winds up joining the zombies—not as a zombie himself, but in fact as leader of the zombies, and he administrates their chaos with glee. Iroh, Beast, Digger, Data, Old Spice Guy, Daja, and Kel valiantly battle the zombies, whilst Bilbo and Lando try to dig an escape tunnel out from the shopping mall they’re all naturally stuck in. It’s mostly Iroh and Daja’s ability with fire that holds off the zombies, although an ill-aimed fireball does singe off a lot of Hank’s fur and melt’s Data’s skin. Digger and Kel both get eaten eventually—the zombies try to bite Data, but it has little effect. The tide turns when Granny Weatherwax gets bitten, and suddenly all the zombies just want some tea. Then Pilot and Pyanfar show up with their respective spaceships to save everyone.

Using 10 (Old Spice Guy), 11 (Daja Kisubo), 12 (Keladry of Mindelan), 13 (Lando Calrissian), and 14 (Uncle General Iroh), cast a production of "Waiting for Godot."

Okay, no matter who I cast as what, I could not get this to work either comically or with a surprising degree of accuracy. None of them fit into that tiny weird Godot universe; they’re all too damn upbeat and driven. So, as is possible on AP tests and whatnot, I shall relinquish the points this answer would get me and move on.

7 (Donald Duck) pulls a gun on 6 (Granny Weatherwax), who reciprocates, prompting 1 (Bilbo Baggins) to pull guns on both of them. STANDOFF! Explain what caused it.

This also probably had something to do with Granny’s bees. Donald has serious bad luck with bees, so on his way to innocently gather some honey from his own hives, he had one of his usual run-ins. Losing his temper, he began to destroy the beehives, prompting Granny—who has Borrowed his bees in the past—to descend upon him wrathfully. Donald pulls a gun, Granny pulls a gonne purely as a bluff, and Bilbo, who was waiting for the honey, whips out his guns, bellowing that BY GOD he will get his second breakfast, and there will be honey for his toast.

First, there was Devil Fish. Then, there was Sharktopus. Now, 3 and 2 have been combined into one horrifying blight on the face of mother nature. What is the resulting creature called, what does it look like, and what is its preferred method of killing extras?

PILOTOPH THE DESTROYER. It has four arms with which to Earthbend FROM SPACE, so that it can hurl asteroids everywhere. As it has no visual sensors, it uses the vibrations of the asteroids’ impacts, which it can sense THROUGH VACUUM, to locate objects. Unfortunately, this doesn’t go well for the planets it passes. It just laughs maniacally.

5 (Beast) places a single white rose in 4's (Pyanfar) mailbox. Why?

Because he loves a woman with a head on her shoulders—and admittedly, he is intrigued by another fluffy person. Being Beast, he also knows that the white rose symbolizes eternal love and wistfulness, suggesting he realizes that Khym is still her first love and he will simply pine in silence.

Pyanfar, of course, has no idea what this means, or even what a rose is, but she appreciates that it seems to be a friendly gesture.

What would you do if you were stuck in a broom closet with 9 (Data) and 15 (the Joker)?

Hide behind Data and hope the Joker’s crazy doesn’t make his head explode while I looked around for something with which to shank the crazy bastard.

black_rider wonders: 12 (Keladry) and 14 (Iroh) are starcrossed lovers, how on earth did that happen?

They met for the first time at a peace negotiation, when Iroh was laying siege to an Earth Kingdom city and Kel was opposing the relentless imperialism of the Fire Nation by defending said city. She was surprised to find that Iroh made sure his prisoners were treated very well, and that he took many of her comments about the oppressiveness of the Fire Nation seriously, though he still believed in his cause. Both left that encounter with lots to think about. Years later, when Iroh has changed hs mind about the Fire Nation, they meet again and sit by the fire telling war stories, and each admits that they have thought a lot about the other over the years …

13 (Lando) discovers 7's (Donald Duck) guilty pleasure, what is it and how does 13 react?

Well, Donald’s guilty pleasure is Messin’ With People Smaller Than Himself—his nephews, bugs, chipmunks, you name it. Lando finds them all at a poker game in which Donald is shamelessly cheating. Lando invites himself to join the game, and cheats right back.

9 (Data) and 11 (Daja Kisubo) share the same favorite book, what is it and would they bond over it?

It is a book about the chemical elements! Daja loves to read about the metallic elements, and she and Data sit up long into the night discussing their favorite alloys and uses for them.

8 (Digger) and 5 (Beast) are stuck in an airport overnight, what do they do?

Well, Beast was delayed by the TSA due to Racial Profiling, so he is in the bar, fuming and composing strongly-worded letters to his congressmen and to major newspapers. Digger storms in next to him and demands a drink, then swears a bit about airport security. “Were you delayed because you are different, too?” Beast asks sympathetically.

Digger thinks for a moment. “No,” she admits. “I think it had more to do with the enormous pickaxe that set off the metal detector.”

1 (Bilbo Baggins) and 15 (The Joker) get set up on a blind date, how does it go?
… Not well. The Joker has heard about Bilbo’s burglaring skills and spends dinner trying to coerce him into joining a heist involving a reality show, a large maze, and a casino vault full of money. Bilbo isn’t really interested, so finds an excuse to slip away. He’s about to put on his Ring and sneak off when he spots, across the room, the Riddler looking similarly unhappy as he tries to think up his latest complex scheme. Their eyes meet …

From westrider: 2 (Toph), 3 (Pilot), 5 (Beast), and 13 (Lando) start a band. What are the names of the Band, their Album, and their Hit Single?
Bonus point: Who plays which Instrument?

The band is called Fur and Fury. It’s got Pilot on keyboard and rhythm guitar, Lando on lead guitar and vocals, Beast on bass and vocals, and Toph on percussion. The first album they produced was called Rocky Relationship, but their real hit was the single, sung by Lando: “CopaTibanna.”

gwalla is Mr. Clever and asks: 2, 4, 6, 8...who do they appreciate?

Toph appreciates Iroh for being such a dependable source of advice. Pyanfar appreciates Data’s engineering advice. Granny Weatherwax appreciates Digger’s sensibleness, and Digger reciprocates.

lycheetwist asks, 6 (Granny Weatherwax), 11 (Daja), and 2 (Toph) are on an expedition through a rain forest in New Guinea and discover an aboriginal tribe that has made 8 (Digger) and 14 (Iroh) their rulers.

What would be the base of the Aboriginal religion, and how would 8 and 14 tie into it?

What would the local customs be, and how would the explorers, 6, 11, and 2 react to them?

How would 6, 11, and 2 leave the tribe?

Knowing you and conlangs, I'm going to take a leap of faith with this one, what would the language be like?

After a bit of linguistic confusion, our heroes realize that the natives are trying to explain that they believe everyone is a god, but each god has his or her own aspect they are god of. Iroh quickly chooses to be the god of tea, but Digger, who has pretty much landed in her worst nightmare in a place where everyone is a god, has refused to choose an aspect and has finally been declared the god of exasperation. Granny also refuses to choose an aspect, but unlike Digger, she does not object when people begin to whisper that she may be an incarnation of the mightiest god of all, the god of wisdom—especially since one of the customs is to defer to a god regarding anything having to do with their aspect. Toph settles in quite easily as the god of combat, and Daja pleasantly accepts her aspect of smithing and thinks very little of it after that.

Tension mounts between Toph and Digger, however, with Digger’s constant complaints that Toph’s earthbending is making a mess of the city’s foundations. Granny and Iroh had been getting along pretty well before that, but their friendship is cemented when they have to restrain Toph and Digger from bouldering and pickaxeing each other to death. Granny and Iroh decide it’s time to split, so that she leavs and he stays, but when it’s time to leave they reveal that Digger has decided to join Granny, and Daja and Toph have decided to stay. Toph enjoys being a god too much, and Daja’s all settled—plus, she and Iroh have become very good friends.

moonchylde inquires: 6 (Granny Weatherwax), 9 (Data), and 12 (Keladry) are doing voiceovers for an animated movie based on a classic novel done with animals instead of people. Which book, who plays which role and what animal would they be?

They are doing Twilight, naturally! Data plays Edward the Crocodile Vampire, and is praised high and low for bringing such life and heart to a role that was played so flat in the live action movie. Kel has been hired to play Bella the tiny helpless kitten, but is rather unnerved by the script and quits halfway through, prompting a hasty casting call to finish the movie. Granny Weatherwax was originally cast as Esme, the very nice giraffe vampire matriarch, but when they took her into the sound booth she immediately grew suspicious of the whole process and swept out, declaring that she could not be having with such things.

Dressed in the hottest outfit they own, where would 11 (Daja) go clubbing? 80's flashback? Maybe a secret rockabilly fan?

Daja doesn’t strike me as much of a clubber, but it turns out she rather enjoys those smoky Vegas cocktail style night clubs that were big in the 60s. I think she may have a thing for one of the singers in the red dresses …

esther_a asks: 5 (Beast), 6 (Granny), and 12 (Keladry) are going trick or treating. What Halloween costumes do they wear?

Keladry definitely goes as Alanna the Lioness, and spent hours fretting over getting the details of her costume just right. Beast has decided to be “daring” this year and dresses up as Oscar Wilde, although it has made him blush a bit purple a few times at the thought of just how risque the idea is. Granny, of course, cannot be having with costumes, but as she is a witch all year she sees no reason not to wear her pointy hat on Halloween as well. Unlike the other two she does not say “Trick or Treat,” but somehow her bag winds up the fullest anyway.

hrhleia gets even more meta on us with: How do 1 (Bilbo) and 10 (Old Spice Guy) feel about only being used twice so far, while 2 (Toph), 5 (Beast), and 6 (Granny) have been used more than 5 times each (including this one), and what do they do about it?

Bilbo realizes he should probably take off his ring to be noticed for real, but as he is used to being overlooked, he simply figures at least this way he doesn’t have to miss elevenses scurrying around trying to do all the garbage I’m coming up with.

Old Spice Guy is of course happy to share attention with others, especially as his recent ad campaign with Pilot was so successful it has convinced Toph, Beast, and Granny, as well as several of the others, to use Old Spice Body Wash, so they all smell like him anyway, and thus he is present in all these answers. I'm on a horse.

(Let's do this again sometime!)