The Ghost Of Christmas Spite

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Tree get!

It’s a nice tree—as Dad pointed out, it is the first year he has found a really STRAIGHT tree, rather than one that leans slightly to the left. No one will be surprised when I note that having a straight tree is part of The Rules for Dad.

The poor tree lot guys looked a little haggard—all except one veteran Tree Guy, possibly because his age exempted him from having to haul trees around and climb up to tie them onto cars. He just followed customers around chatting.

Thus, he was there when we found the tree we wanted. “I like it,” I said. “It’s straight!” Dad said. “Good size,” my sister said. “It will get needles all over the carpet,” said Mom, who hates Christmas.*

Tree Guy lit up like, well, you know. “I’ll give you a discount,” he said eagerly, “if you buy THIS SPECIFIC TREE.”

“That is very kind of you!” we said.

“No, it’s not,” he said. “You see, this family came in this morning to get a tree. They liked this one, but they told me they were going to check some other tree lots before deciding—and then they asked me to hold this tree for them in case they wanted it.”

There was a pause as we digested this.

“They were comparison shopping for a Christmas tree?” I finally said.

“I told them they’d have to take their chances,” he shrugged.

My family shared some calculating looks. This was an odd little ethical dilemma. We would have to consider—

“We’ll take it,” Dad said.

“Definitely!” the rest of us chimed in.

Tree Guy cackled gleefully as two of his minions prepped our tree, and I admit we cackled all the way home, too, because we are judgmental spiteful jerks. What can I say? Anyone who treats buying a Christmas tree that nitpickily needs a reality check. Christmas trees are weird enough already.

Either that or maybe a Foreign Tree Dealership made them a better offer, anyway, on a Luxury Tree with, I don’t know, pre-tinseled branches and self-cleaning needles, and they won’t give it a second thought. You never know!

The point is, we have our tree now. The living room smells like pine, the tree is ramrod-straight by god, and the cat thinks we are insane. Damn, I love this time of year.


*My brother didn’t vote because he’s in California, which made Mom and Dad slightly mopey.

Comments

[nobleplatypus]

Your family cracks me up. And I think mine would have done the same, because SERIOUSLY.

[beccastareyes]

Mom stopped getting a real tree because she thinks the Nebraska ones don't smell strongly enough, and our younger cat is convinced that the only reason you bring a tree into the house is as a giant cat toy*. And real trees knock water and needles all over the carpet when they fall over in addition to the decorations, and it's just not worth it if the house doesn't seem like pine tree. (Mom also likes the idea about trees with built-in lights, but my mother is picky about her Christmas lights. She can barely find strings of lights she likes**, and our old ones are starting to wear out.)

If you're going to be that nitpicky about a tree, maybe they should consider a fake one that looks right (or the same) every year.

** This was also his reaction to any small animal, which is why my parakeet lives with my sister and not my mother any more.

* She likes the big old lights in multiple colors.

[bkwrrm-tx.livejournal.com]

Keep posting happy, fun, your-family-is-nuts Christmas type stories, okay? I'm feeling decidedly UNholidaylike, and need this reminder that it doesn't suck rocks for everyone.

*hugs*

[westrider.livejournal.com]

My Grandfather apparently used to haggle until he got two scraggly trees for rather less than half price, and then cut the branches off one of them and put them into holes he drilled in the other, so as to create one frankentree with appropriate branch placement.

Math Professors...

[pghbekka.livejournal.com]

I LOVE your family AND that fabulous Christmas tree guy! I'm kind of very sad that no one in my family gets a real tree any more. My parents decorate the Christmas ficus (which also puts in time as an Easter and Halloween ficus, when necessary), I have a lighted white wire one, and my sister and her family have a fake one with all the trimmings. But growing up, we went to a fabulous farm that did natural growth trees, and cut down our own. We tended to come home with Christmas bushes that filled the entire living room and had to have bits cut off because we'd overestimated how high our ceilings were again.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

Huh. You and I got the same mom.

[sriti.livejournal.com]

Hi, being a Muslim in a predominantly Muslim country, I don't know much about getting Christmas trees other than you get them and decorate them and put presents around them (you know, stuff you learn from watching movies), so forgive my ignorance, but being nit-picky about a tree isn't the done thing? Why not?

[annotated_em]

This made me cackle out loud and terrify the cats. Best christmas-tree story ever.

Best. Story. EVAR.

[sanachan1.livejournal.com]

If I ever have children I may have to lie to them and tell them this story as something my husband and I did in our misspent youth.this. Except I think my husband would have high-fived the tree guy.

[glaikery.livejournal.com]

I must say: I have no experience with situations such as this one (at least, not involving Christmas trees or family-sharing calculating looks precisely), but this post cheered me up immensely.

I am very pleased for you!