Based On A True Story

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I hereby submit this as an alternative lyric for “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,”* where the players are no longer Wolf and Mouse,** but rather Human and Cat.

I really can’t stay.
But Fluffy, it’s cold outside.
I’ve got to go ‘way.
Oh, fuzzball, it’s cold outside.
I’ve already slept
This blanket is wrecked
Sixteen straight hours
All during which we had snow showers

There’s birds huddled up in the trees now
You’d better just let them tease now
I could spread around some feathery gore
Tonight it’s supposed to snow more
Just turn the knob for me please now
You know that you’re gonna freeze now
Being inside is such a terrible bore
No way I’m gonna open this door

It’s only a storm
That's like three feet of snow
My fur keeps me warm
It’s, what, 20 below?
I could kill me some mice
They’re all solid ice
And I gotta poop
Just use the box; I’ll get a scoop

I plan to sit and stare at you, hopin’
You seriously want this door open?
Looking sadder than if somebody died
I warned you, cat. I totally tried.
I’m going out now—
Hey wut it’s COLD OUTSIDE!
JESUS IT’S COLD! OUT! SIDE!


*A song I almost categorically hate. When James Taylor and Natalie Cole sing it, it’s a nice jazzy bit of banter between two longtime on again-off again friends. Every other version sounds like it’s going to end with a sleazy defense attorney trying to convince a jury that his client was under the perfectly understandable mistaken impression that Rohypnol was an integral part of a martini.

**No, really. That song gets creepier the more you learn about it.

Comments

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Hee, no worries, I love me some TOS. I just also like an excuse to use that icon.

[carmy-w.livejournal.com]

Interesting.
In all the versions I've heard, it came across more like "Did you mix all this vodka/rum/whiskey with ANYTHING AT ALL??"

Which leads to the same problem as the drug, but at least is more detectable.... :(

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

She mainly just looks confused. "I want to go out...but it's wet...but I want to go out...but it's wet...." Sometimes "want to go out" will win anyway (it helps that she has a favorite dry spot).

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Willie Nelson is Lazarus Long?

MIND BLOWN

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Suzanne Vega's "Luka". A tale of domestic abuse set to a lovely melody.

[bradhicks.livejournal.com]

I have a third-dan black belt in "inappropriate mental image."

[redbird57.livejournal.com]

You are a genius...I just thought you should know.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I'm generally no slouch in that department myself, but wow! That one was brilliantly done!

[mel-redcap.livejournal.com]

Hubby's cat has always insisted on checking multiple doors just to confirm that it really is icky weather everywhere outside. :P To be fair, at his previous house - where she spent all but the last year and a half of her long, cranky life - he seemed to be living on the edge of a climate zone or thermocline or (insert other scientific-sounding words), because it would frequently be pouring rain at the front door yet sunny at the back... about forty feet away. O_o;;

[starwatcher]

.
*chortle* Came for the western bit, via metaquotes, then cruised through and found this. Now both are saved for my BFF to read aloud.

Friending you; little nuggets like this are worth waiting for.
.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Cool! Nice to meet you.

[ellenmillion]

I utterly approve of this version.