Adventures in Retail

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Today I got to work and my manager announced rather dejectedly that we were getting rid of all the men’s clothing*—organize it, box it, and send it off to a farm where it’ll have lots of room to frolic and play with the other shirts and pants another store that may be able to sell them better.

 

MANAGER: What this means for you is that you get to undress all the male mannequins!

AMELIA: Oh, sure! There are, what, fifteen? No problem!

 

Okay, I had no idea undressing men took that much heavy lifting..  Although I think when you’re doing it more recreationally, getting their pants off probably doesn’t involve reaching under their thigh and unscrewing a large bolt and then lifting the torso off the flagpole they’re stuck to.** Also most men can move their arms, so you don’t have to pull them off to get their shirts off. And mannequins don’t do much to facilitate the process—and men’s are also tough to get a grip on, especially with no arms, so I did a fair amount of wrestling.

 

And that would have been less weird if the manufacturers had been less weird—they’re your standard mannequins that go from neck to mid-thigh, man-shaped, not very detailed, except for two very important parts. First, the ass: the most lovingly sculpted, tight ass I have ever seen on anything that isn’t Michelangelo’s David. And as for the second, allow me to give you a succinct visual: David Bowie in Labyrinth.

 

I think this was the God of Irony’s revenge for my taking extra care to look nice and professional today.

 

Also, there is no way to pose those mannequins without scaring the customers. But at this point, we just don’t care.

I did, however, name the mannequins. Mostly things like Smash Lampjaw, Crud Bonemeal, and Beef Hardpec, but one I called Stephen Colbert because he was a Formidable Opponent. That display stand did not want to give up those pants, and that was only the beginning of my troubles ...

 

 

Discussion Question: Why are those Levi’s commercials all centered around finding opportunities to take ones pants off? You would think a commercial for jeans would show the person declining to take their pants off in the face of a great opportunity, simply because they prefer wearing the pants, wouldn’t you?

 

 

*[Steely Dan] Cuz we’re goin’ outta business … everything must go! [/Steely Dan]

 

**I have tried to make this passage not sound fetishy, innuendoy, or dirty, but there is no way to do that.  So I gave up and stopped trying.

Comments

[mathsnerd]

I can just see you wrestling mannequins all over the sales floor. *grins*

Can I get a mailing address please? Christmas cards need to go out soon...

[tsita.livejournal.com]

What no Jell-O or chocolate sauce?

[10cents.livejournal.com]

In regards to Levi's commercials, I think that it's simply because the marketers want you to think that if you buy their jeans, you'll find no end of opportunity to take your pants off--and while their EXAMPLES may only be something like dancing-around-in-your-underwear innocent, they hope that the IDEA of taking your pants off will stick around more than the exact circumstances they show on TV. (But then, I tend to think that everything ultimately comes down to SOMETHING to do with sex, and that goes double for marketing.)

[lookingforwater.livejournal.com]

You are absolutely correct. The core thesis in ad campaigns for luxury and designer products is "Buy this and these people will have sex with you."

[cwoolard.livejournal.com]

Although I think when you’re doing it more recreationally, getting their pants off probably doesn’t involve reaching under their thigh and unscrewing a large bolt and then lifting the torso off the flagpole they’re stuck to.

It does if you're doing it right!

(Sorry, had to go there.)

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

*grin*

*refers you to footnote*

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

My boss used to be in the casino biz, so we have some relics around the office. Plastic Frank Sinatra stands by the front door, and generally freaks out all the new delivery people.

Well, I had to move him at one point so that the electrician would work on a wall switch, but when I did his legs fell off! I tried to get him all back together, but then his pants fell off so I asked a coworker to help me. So we're out in the office molesting Plastic Frank, and the VP comes out with his camera and starts taking pictures!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Hee hee! "This isn't what it looks like--although frankly, I can't even think what it would look like ..."

[mirnavela.livejournal.com]

"...getting their pants off probably doesn’t involve reaching under their thigh and unscrewing a large bolt and then lifting the torso off the flagpole they’re stuck to."

If that's NOT how you do it, then I've been undressing my husband wrong since we met...