Unsolicited Opinion Of The Day

[bloodyrosemccoy]

For the past week or so, acrossthelake, i_blaze_the, and I have been debating the worst possible movie done by any iteration of MST3k. They are torn between Manos: The Hands of Fate—a movie that, like The Last Airbender, manages to be bad in every possible category* and Monster A Go-Go, a Frankenstein’s monster of a movie stitched together from the dead corpses of three different movies** and brought back not to life, but to a state of undeath so gruesome that the movie actually commits suicide at the end rather than try to wrap up the story.

I’d add to these The Creeping Terror, which is like Monster A Go-Go except you just wish there was no monster, and The Castle of Fu Manchu, which did have yellowface and also has the distinction of being the only MST I refuse to watch twice. But hands down the worst damn movie I’ve ever seen, no question at all, is Legacy of Blood, taken on by Cinematic Titanic in a riff that matched the Charge of the Light Brigade for both heroism and overall success.

I could enumerate all of the awfulnesses of this movie—the drive-thru quality sound, the lighting that only manages to be bright when the movie accidentally gives away its big reveal before—well, before the big reveal—the loathsome characters, the loathsomely creepy content, the loathsome acting, etc.. However, you could say that of a lot of movies. This one is unique, though, because while you hate this movie, this movie hates you back. Much as Manos or Monster A Go-Go or The Creeping Terror or even possibly Fu Manchu were awful, none of them was actively trying to put you off your dinner. Legacy is. Every single scene, by accident or design, manages to make me want to throw up a little. It is not badly entertaining. It doesn’t even contain that certain level of charm that comes from the really awful execution of something trying to be good. This movie is a fucking troll.

You may see acrossthelake’s rebuttal in the comments. I also invite you to submit your reasons why the movie you hate the most is, in fact, worse than Legacy of Blood.*** But remember that whatever movie you submit will have to be worse than the image of some ham-faced greaseball creep trying to mount his insane sister while their electrocuted in-laws lie gently smoldering in their bed and the guy with the people-skin lamp enjoys some delicious ham from a plate that recently had a severed head on it. I dare ya to top that. Go ahead on.


*I actually am willing to give Manos the favorable comparison here, because it at least had the excuses of low budget, bad/nonexistent source material, and lack of willful racism in what you could politely call its “casting.” (I know, it was whitewashed, but on the plus side it wasn’t yellowface.) TLA had a giant budget and excellent source material, but it was stubbornly racist and still failed miserably.

**i_blaze_the’s metaphor.

***Right now we are going to nip your automatic response of The Human Centipede in the bud, because while the movie’s premise makes me do the DDD: DO NOT WANT face every single time I think of it, it did supply me with the unprecedented entertainment of watching squirming movie reviewers trying to gently break said premise to their readers.

Comments

[sphynxle.livejournal.com]

Manos is seriously on the list of my favorites movies xD I'd actually have to vote TLA as it, beacause, as you said, at least Manos HAS an excuse of being miserable.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I used to run Northwestern's annual B-movie festival every year, so I have a soft spot for 'The Creeping Terror'. What's not to love? They lost the soundtrack, so they had it narrated instead. You can see the prop guys sneakers under the "monster" as it moves. The music, the horror, the terrifying dance sequence! We had audience members fashion a Creeping Terror out of their sleeping bags and lumber down the stairs and across the stage. On eyear there were two that either did battle or mated (we're not exactly sure, as it was hour 19 out of 24 that we'd been in the theatre)

That said, after years of B-Fest, I just never really got to like MST3K. If I have to listen to their stupid jokes, they should have to listen to mine!

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Castle of Fu Manchu has pride of place as my least favorite MST3k episode, at least, because the riffs can't save it from being mind-numbingly boring. Manos, on the other hand, winds up completely hilarious.

I haven't seen Legacy of Blood; the Cinematic Titanic I saw was War of the Insects (onscreen title: Genocide), and was a nonsensical and disjointed piece of crap (with a totally gratuitous downer ending), but I suspect it's not as terrible a film. At the very least it's less disgusting.

[black-rider.livejournal.com]

Well, my favorite bad movie of all is Day of the Triffids. It's pretty awesome.

[nobleplatypus]

My favorite bad movie is "Hercules in New York," though it has not (to my knowledge) been riffed. I like how the DVD comes with extra layers of hilarity built right in (namely, the version where they dubbed over all of Ahnold's dialogue with a guy who sounds like he should be narrating a film strip about photosynthesis).

[packbat.livejournal.com]

...why did I look up The Human Centipede on Wikipedia? Why didn't it occur to me that "DDD: DO NOT WANT" was a warning?

p.s. DO NOT WANT :CCC