Q & A, The Usual

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Okay, I give up, nobleplatypus. Your question 3 stumped me.

1. If you could take a week-long vacation inside one of Tamora Pierce's books, which would you choose?
Hoo, I really don’t know. Probably I’d hang out at Winding Circle Temple taking some kind of crash course in arts and crafts. Lark could teach me sewing tricks, Frostpine could show me some neat jewelry techniques, and then Rosethorn and I could spend pleasant evenings hating on everything.

2. What is your number one musical guilty pleasure?
I have so many it’s hard to choose, so I’ll just go with Swedish Bands That Start With “A”:
ABBA: My synesthesia has decided that ABBA music is the aural equivalent of a Lisa Frank picture: all candy and neon rainbows and sparkles. And yes, I love Lisa Frank too.

The Ark: If I had known about the Ark in high school, they would definitely have been part of my Teen Anthem Music. They’re just so upbeat about hating the world. “Sure, we’re mad as hell,” their music says, “but we’re not going to let that stop us from enjoying ourselves!” As it is, they are instead the Anthem Music of my murderous psychotic sprite character.

Army of Lovers: Just watch any of their music videos. Like Crucified. Poor Jean-Pierre. Life is tough, here in this bathtub.

3. Challenge: cast a production of "Hamlet" using Jim Henson's muppets.
Confession: I really am not familiar enough with Hamlet to cast a production of it. Not even when I allow myself two human cast members, as seems standard for Muppet movies. (Although admit it: you would watch a production of Hamlet with Dom DeLuise and Madeline Kahn as Hamlet’s uncle and mother.) Piggy would obviously be Ophelia, and Kermit would be Hamlet, but after that I kind of lose track of the characters, and all I can picture is Statler and Waldorf heckling the play-within-a-play. Sorry, my friend, I must forfeit this one.

4. Would you describe yourself as a cat person or a dog person?
I honestly do not understand the appeal of dogs. I have no doubt that they have some, but I myself rather dislike the style of attention-getting they go for. Give me a cat any day.

5. If you spontaneously developed the power to become invisible at will, what is the first thing you'd do with this new ability?
I would use the ability to SHELVE THE MOTHERFUCKING DVD CART WITHOUT ASSHOLES COMING UP AND BROWSING IT. Alternatively, I would probably just annoy the cat. Dream big!

This one is shamelessly ganked from flutterbychild because I felt like it. Alas that so many memes can’t possibly fathom asexual people.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Credit card. I always feel like a failure when I see how much I owe.

2. Favorite place to eat a romantic dinner?
I don’t eat romantic dinners. However, our own deck has some excellent ambience.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Never. I have never been drunk. I hate the feeling of losing control.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and woke up in a strange place?
See above.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Miss P. I just saw her a couple of months ago. I remember her being a lot taller.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Getting paid. Otherwise, I’m cool with what I am doing.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Author.

8. How many schools did you attend up through grade 12?
Three—elementary, junior high, high school.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
It was at the top of the drawer, which needs maintenance AGAIN.

10. Gas prices! First thought?
I wish my job was closer.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would you go and who would you take?
I would move into a little house near the mountain, and I would get a pet. I would leave everyone where they are. I like living alone.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
No alarm this morning. Just my bladder.

13. Last thought before falling asleep last night?
Probably something stupid about the Joker and a lightsaber or something.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Boy-cut briefs, which as far as I know no boys actually wear.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Sparkly Super Mario underpants. Not because of their opposite sex appeal, but simply because when I was a kid I totally owned a pair even though they were technically for boys.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Laundry-folding.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you?
Define “work.” I would not flip burgers, but I would write, you see …

18. Sex or sleep?
Sleep.

19. Your favorite cartoon character?
… Damn, yo, this is a difficult category. Narrow it down a bit, willya?

20. Favorite non-sexual thing to do at night with a girl/boy?
Watch MST3k?

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
… Uh, my only secrets involve passwords and PINs. Everything else is up for grabs.

22. What was your first car?
The Crate. And it’s my current car, too!

23. Your best "Your Mamma" joke?
YOUR MOMMA SO STUPID, SHE WENT TO BANGKOK TO GET A TIE FIGHTER!

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Ham. Or leftover Thanksgiving turkey, but that’s not available most days.

25. What do you get every time you go into a WAWA?
I do not understand these letters.

26. Beach or shore?
Shore!

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No. I think it is a social institution flexible both inter- and intraculturally designed to provide social structure.

28. Who do you stalk?
Beast.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Logic problems.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
… You know, I just found out that Oscar got shit reviews back in the day. This confuses the hell out of me, because Oscar is one of the few farces I actually really, really like.

Possibly this is because my vision is a little skewed: Oscar somehow remains the only Sylvester Stallone movie I have ever seen. Try not to think about that too much.

31. What's your drink?
Tea. Did you have to ask?

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Aliens.

33. Cops or robbers?
I’m just going to stick with “Mariska Hargitay” as my final answer here.

34. Do you cheer for the bad guys?
If the author is good, I can sympathize with the bad guys, but it depends on how you define them too …

35. Norm or Cliff?
Morn!

36. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Both!

37. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
… None springs to mind. I don’t have nearly enough relationships, I guess.

38. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
No, because I’m about to run them over with a book truck.

39. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
That fucking mosquito that gave me malaria.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Mark Hamill. It would be Geeksplosion.

41. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Nobody.

42. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No, but I am now imagining using fire extinguishers for other purposes … WALL*E style, or maybe just killing a guy …

43. Last book you read for real?
The Last Colony by John Scalzi, who is welcome to come to dinner with me and Mark Hamill.

44. Do you have a teddy bear?
Good ol’ Powder Puff, who is probably ready to be recycled into house insulation or something. He’s got to be his own ecosystem by now.

45. Strangest place you have ever had sex?
Dangit, meme, what is it you don’t understand about “asexual”?

46. Strangest place you have ever wanted to have sex?
GODDAMMIT.

47. How many times a day do you text?
Texting: just another thing I irrationally hate about telephones.

48. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Lessee, if those query letters to literary agents are any clue …

49. Do you go to church?
Never have, never will.

50. Pencil or Pen?
Depends on what I’m doing. If it’s mathing, brainstorming, problem solving, or doodling, I will use a pencil. Pens are for composing.