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bloodyrosemccoy) wrote2008-10-20 07:04 pm
Fukitoff
So after five years of neverending pills, my friends, I have decided to take a stand. The missed doses, the muscle spasms, the brain zaps, the memory loss,* and the dreams have got to go. And so I stand up, and I say to you—“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
Okay, well, actually, I don’t say that, because I’m talking about being on Fukitol, and one thing about Fukitol: it’s hard to be mad as hell. Complacency is sort of part of the package, which is why it’s taken me so long to get sick of it. Oh, sure, there are a number of side effects, but on the plus side, you don’t actually care!
But lately, I’ve been getting tired of it. And so I went to my psychiatrist:
PSYCHIATRIST: Why do you want to quit?
AMELIA: I am sick of the side effects!
PSYCHIATRIST: The sexual side effects?
(pause while Amelia looks at him blankly)
AMELIA: No! I am talking about the side effects where I wake up and half my face is contorted like Popeye’s!
And so, as of two days ago, I’m on half-doses of the stuff. This phase may last a while, because while Fukitol has a famously spectacular assortment of side effects, withdrawing from Fukitol has even more spectacular ones. Such as vertigo:
MOM: So, how is the withdrawal coming?
AMELIA: *THUD*
And a sudden sensation of electrical shock when I’m just about to go to sleep. And of course the epic, epic nightmares when I do get to sleep, and the waking up every hour or so in a puddle of sweat. Not to mention the abdomen’s protests. It totally makes sense, though: the common wisdom is that your body replaces all its matter every seven years. This means that 5/7 of my matter has never known a time when there wasn’t Fukitol, so I can see why it would plunge into panic now.**
But yeah, it does sorta make it feel more auspicious to be going off a med I’ve been on for five years when I’ve got a fanfare, even if it does come in the form of the floor sliding out from under me.*** And it should fade soon enough.
At least, until I lower the dosage again.
Oh, yeah, the next few months are gonna be fun.
*This sounds a lot more serious than it is. Mostly it means “flakiness.”
**Pseudoscience is easy, kids!
***I become Captain Jack Sparrow. It’s apparently highly entertaining.
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