bloodyrosemccoy | Fukitoff

So after five years of neverending pills, my friends, I have decided to take a stand. The missed doses, the muscle spasms, the brain zaps, the memory loss,* and the dreams have got to go. And so I stand up, and I say to you—“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

Okay, well, actually, I don’t say that, because I’m talking about being on Fukitol, and one thing about Fukitol: it’s hard to be mad as hell. Complacency is sort of part of the package, which is why it’s taken me so long to get sick of it. Oh, sure, there are a number of side effects, but on the plus side, you don’t actually care!

But lately, I’ve been getting tired of it. And so I went to my psychiatrist:

PSYCHIATRIST: Why do you want to quit?

AMELIA: I am sick of the side effects!

PSYCHIATRIST: The sexual side effects?

(pause while Amelia looks at him blankly)

AMELIA: No! I am talking about the side effects where I wake up and half my face is contorted like Popeye’s!

And so, as of two days ago, I’m on half-doses of the stuff. This phase may last a while, because while Fukitol has a famously spectacular assortment of side effects, withdrawing from Fukitol has even more spectacular ones. Such as vertigo:

MOM: So, how is the withdrawal coming?

AMELIA: *THUD*

And a sudden sensation of electrical shock when I’m just about to go to sleep. And of course the epic, epic nightmares when I do get to sleep, and the waking up every hour or so in a puddle of sweat. Not to mention the abdomen’s protests. It totally makes sense, though: the common wisdom is that your body replaces all its matter every seven years. This means that 5/7 of my matter has never known a time when there wasn’t Fukitol, so I can see why it would plunge into panic now.**

But yeah, it does sorta make it feel more auspicious to be going off a med I’ve been on for five years when I’ve got a fanfare, even if it does come in the form of the floor sliding out from under me.*** And it should fade soon enough.

At least, until I lower the dosage again.

Oh, yeah, the next few months are gonna be fun.

*This sounds a lot more serious than it is. Mostly it means “flakiness.”

**Pseudoscience is easy, kids!

***I become Captain Jack Sparrow. It’s apparently highly entertaining.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Good luck!

I'm already kind of twitchy about the Abilify I've only been on for a couple of years, though not because I can pin down any side effects from it. I just have this feeling that it screwed up my creativity more than a little. (I haven't been nearly as full of writing and art since I've been on it. Or so it feels.)

That's actually a question of interest for me, too--I'm wondering if productivity will go up when I get off of this stuff. I hope so, because more is always better.

I have a lot of questions that I think will never be answered about how I would have developed without it. Is my inability to remember things when I used to be the Human VCR a result of the normal change in memory mechanisms as the brain develops, or a result of antidepressnts? Will I remain permanently altered in any way? And an odd one--will my STORIES change? I know they have changed with the brain chemistry in the past ... I'm curious.

I don't write as darkly as I used to, and have a harder time playing my villain characters in role-play situations since being on the meds, which is occasionally a bit annoying, because I liked playing my psychotic villains ^^

Of course, I'm also not getting so depressed that I spend a month or so in bed, my moods are more evened out (though I do get the moods and certainly can still become incoherent with rage), so it's an annoyingly tough call to make as to whether or not I should try easing off it for my art.

[Ursula]Life's full of tough choices, innit?[/Ursula]

Yeah, striking the balance between Dopey Grin and Depression Is Exhausting can be tricky.

AMELIA: I am sick of the side effects?
PSYCHIATRIST: The sexual side effects?

That is a true psychiatrist you have, there. ;) Freud would be so proud!

*snickers*

Man, you shoulda met my last one. Weird little German guy with an accent who was constantly asking whether I'd gotten around to a boyfriend yet ...

Was his name Sigmund? Did he ask you about the asparagus??

So glad my psych hasn't brought that sort of thing up.

Had a counselor who did wonder/worry about my lack of relationships a little, but she didn't make it an ongoing saga.

*giggle* just coming out of a day of educational psychology classes, that just made me smile for the first time in my otherwise zombie-fied state :)

Seriously, though...I love how that's the first thing he asked, lol

*salutes* As you go off your Fukitol, I go on my dried frog pills. Clearly the universe demands balance.

It is the changing of the guard! Good luck on 'em. Don't let Ridcully get to ya.

*snerks* I'll do my best.

Cane toad?

I find it better not to speculate.

Good luck! Are you switching meds or just stopping?

Stopping for now. I'll probably be off and on all my life, but I do want some time off ...

Good luck! Whatever you do, don't ignore the directions on tapering. I did that once, and oh boy, it was worse than the side effects of being on and the worst days of being off combined and raised to the Nth power.

Going off Paxil wasn't quite so epic (although it did have to be gradual). Good thing, too, because being on it was horrible: no perceptible impact on depression, but a horrible feeling of my heart being squeezed in a vice!

The cognitive behavioral therapy did way more that psychopharmacology, for me.

o.o

Oh, my! Amelia! I hope the side effects wear off for you soon! Or that...they aren't as bad for you as they could be. *wibble, wibble* I'm sorry you have to go through with all of this, but if it'll be better for you to be off the meds, then I'm happy for you! Who needs Fukitol anyway, right? Haha!

I send you kudos, hugs, and high fives for every day you get through! I know you said it's not that serious, but it still doesn't sound like much fun!

There are a number of different types of Fukitol, and it may be that your system reacts better to a different drug. So getting off this one is probably a good idea.

This is the one we picked after a few different attempts. Sad, huh?

Out of the curiousity of a fellow fukitol taker, which one are/were you on?

Effexor. And I tell you, that shit is bananas.

I hope that the passing out isn't much worse than the annoying but so far harmless occasions on which I see stars and my body goes limp, which from your description it doesn't seem to be, and that this decision will ultimately have a positive effect on your life, which from your description it seems like it will. It takes humility to go on meds but willpower to go off, and finding out if life could be better seen through different eyes is a risk worth taking.

Nah, it doesn't make me pass out, it just makes me lose my balance and wobble and maybe fall down.

I hope yours turns out to be harmless!

It'll probably be an on and off thing all my life, but I'd like to go off them for a while to see how that works. I'm sure it'll be positive--MOSTLY!

Erk, that doesn't sound fun at all... good luck! I hope it's all worth it in the end.

*laughs* And I just finished fighting like crazy to get my damn refill, because my money-grubbing shrink was holding out on me unless I came to visit him, for which I have neither the time nor the money. I love my meds. They have made my life infinitely less suckfull. Best of luck finding your own balance!

Fukitoff

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject