Bang! Bang! Maxwell's Silver Hammer Came Down Upon Her Head ...

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Anniversary - Cellophane Tape
Birthday - Vincent Price (actor)
Birthday - Wild Bill Hickock (frontiersman)

 

AMELIA: Shower time! I sure love me a shower.

 

SOUNDTRACK: Ominous music

 

AMELIA runs the shower, then runs the elaborate temperature-testing algorithm to make sure she is not flash frozen or stripped of skin upon stepping into it.

 

SHOWER: Come in to my parlor!  As it were.

 

(shower goes on)

 

AMELIA: (washing hair) … Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery: “Say he must go free!”  The judge does not agree and he tells them sooo-oh-oh-oh ….*

 

SHOWER: EAT LAVA!

 

AMELIA: YEEEEEOWWW!

 

AMELIA retreats to the back corner of the shower, wresting with the shower curtain she was so damn happy about procuring a few months ago, with LAVA-HOT WATER pouring over her legs and the turny-button thing on the other side beyond a sudden WALL OF LAVA.

 

SOUNDTRACK: HWEEP! HWEEP! HWEEP! HWEEP!

 

AMELIA: GAH! OW!  SHIT!  WHY DID I BUY THIS SHOWER CURTAIN?!

 

AMELIA finally struggles free of the curtain and shower, dripping shampoo lather, and walks around to the other side to crank the knob.  She runs the temperature algorithm again and gingerly steps back in.

 

AMELIA: What the hell was that all about?

 

SHOWER: *looks away and whistles*

 

 

My plumbing is Norman Bates. If you never hear from me again, assume the U-Bend got me.

 

 

*For some reason showering always makes me want to sing this. Fitting, given the parallel I’m about to make.**

 

**And if you ever want to be entertained, watch someone when they first tune into the lyrics after having heard it all their lives.

Comments

[kadharonon.livejournal.com]

Oh, good! I'm not the only person who sings that while playing with potentially scalding water.

...me, it was while I was working kitchen duty and washing things. The high-power-super-hot-water sprayer is AWESOME.

[10cents.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of the showers in the house I grew up in--the water system was so crappy that every usage affected every other usage, and the worst side effect of this was that if you were taking a shower and someone flushed a toilet ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE HOUSE, that EXACT situation would happen. I empathize.

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

True story!
Flush the toilet in the master bedroom while the shower was on?
No effect.
Flush the toilet in the other master bedroom while the shower is on?
No effect.
Turn on the sink in the downstairs bathroom?
BOILING WATER OF DOOM.

Also, in completely different news, did you know that A Grimolt Prince lives in Eugene?
He had a brief interview on KMTR last year when Flix and Pix closed, he was looking to get a copy of Viking Women, since he doesn't own one.

I am tempted to see if I can't track him down and get him to autograph my copy of the MST3K bootleg...

[redheaded-itch.livejournal.com]

Thanks to the "As it were" line, I am now picturing your shower with Jack Sparrow regalia all over it. This is particularly funny as pirates don't wash, so a pirate shower? Odd.

[sunshine-shaman.livejournal.com]

You are my favorite. Ever.

[queenlyzard.livejournal.com]

That song has always creeped me out. What the hell was the basis for it, anyways?

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

I actually wondered that enough to look it up a while back--it sounded like a comment on an actual case. Even before that, though, Maxwell was in my personal pantheon as a sort of Loki character, a trickster god--I think it was the synthesis of light (the song style) and dark (the subject matter) that made me think of him like that.

I also may or may not have covertly named an entire royal family in my pirate story after names and parts in this song. The names aren't exactly the same, but the principle is there ...

[queenlyzard.livejournal.com]

huh-- you'd think there was more to it than that. I expected at least a story about a vision seen in a drug trip. But I like the idea that it's sort-of a Murphy's law kind of thing.